Tag: <span>ANYTHING</span>

Ignoring the fact I have been specifically tagged, and not completed, a few memes in the past couple of months, this one I think I can tackle. Thanks to Cliff for the open invite.

1. My uncle once: remembered my birthday (LOL!!).

2. Never in my life: have I chosen to eat a raw tomato, ick ick ick.

3. When I was five: I had the run of the house as my sister had yet to appear.

4. High school was: much the same as anyone else who was smarter than most and didn’t “fit in” with the cool kids.

5. I will never forget: finishing my first 10K and the emotions that went with that.

6. Once I met: a homeless person and bought him coffee and a doughnut.

7. There’s this girl I know: Who writes a blog that no-one reads, and she’s really good but hates getting compliments (and I’m not linking to it until I get permission).

8. Once, at a bar: I stole a bottle of champagne and no-one noticed.

9. By noon, I’m usually: ready for lunch and checking what the afternoon holds.

10. Last night: I did some work on a blog design, it’s coming along nicely (and the client is really nice, that helps).

11. If only I had: more discipline.

12. Next time I go to church: I’ll, again, wonder why I’m there.

13. What worries me most: is what the future may or may not hold.

14. When I turn my head left I see: a MacBook and the remnants of my lunch.

15. When I turn my head right I see: out of the window, across the cul-de-sac.

16. You know I’m lying when: I don’t tell the truth.

17. What I miss most about the Eighties is: ABSOLUTELY NOTHING!!.

18. If I were a character in Shakespeare I’d be: an obscure snob, sitting on the sidelines whilst the main play unfolded, chipping in with witty asides.

19. By this time next year: I’ll be a year older.

20. A better name for me would be: Mr. Research.

21. I have a hard time understanding: people who are happy to accept the status quo, who accept prejudice as fact and remain inconsiderate of others.

22. If I ever go back to school, I’ll: only be there to gloat.

23. You know I like you if: I smile when we talk.

24. If I ever won an award, the first person I would thank would be: whoever nominated me.

25. Take my advice, never: that plate of melted cheese? Don’t eat it.

26. My ideal breakfast is: filter coffee and toast with lashings of butter and honey.

27. A song I love but do not have is: the live version of Hotel California that they use on MTV sometimes (OK OK, Q or VH2).

28. If you visit my hometown, I suggest you: Climb up to the castle, and enjoy the view down the Clyde.

29. Why won’t people: just get along?

30. If you spend a night at my house: red wine and takeaway curry, good music and laughter.

31. I’d stop my wedding for: no-one as I’m already married, thanks!

32. The world could do without: idiots.

33. I’d rather lick the belly of a cockroach than: let ANYONE stick ANYTHING in my EYE EVER.

34. My favourite blonde(s) is/are: Marilyn Monroe.

35. Paper clips are more useful than: not having paper clips when you need one.

36. If I do anything well it’s: convincing people that I can do anything well.

37. I can’t help but: constantly need something to hold my attention.

38. I usually cry: at soppy movies, or soppy TV shows, or… basically any form of simple emotional manipulation and I tear up.

39. My advice to my child/nephew/niece: only you know what YOU really want, learn to listen to yourself.

40. And by the way: one day this blog will cease to exist.

And I’ll take the same route as Cliff and wimp out of nominating anyone in particular. Instead, if you haven’t blogged for a while or just fancy a change, grab the sentences and finish them yourself.

Blogging

Ack, damn attention deficit disorder. My brain has just skipped from the title of the post to a distant childhood memory of He-Man and the Masters of the Universe. I had a few of those toys when I was younger including He-Man himself, who had a built-in spring for his “power punch”, and … eh… the bird thing with “lifelike” flappy wings.. and .. yeah that’s about all I can remember. Ohh that wee stocky guy who liked to dive head first into doors, and the lion.. tiger… big cat that He-Man rode when he was in a hurry.

You know I’m sure I had something in mind when I sat down and started typing. I USUALLY start with some vague notion in my head, something that I will train my huge intellect on and reduce to a quivering mass of hypotheses. Or I’ll just ramble on and see what spews forth.

Ahh ha! I remember.

Willpower, and more specifically, the lack of any on my part.

It’s a topic I’ve touched on a few times in the past, and one that I’ve never really been able to nail down. What is it, where does it come from? Strictly speaking, willpower is the ability to extert your will on your self, but it’s more universally recognised as the ability to withstand temptation, the ability to stick to a diet, and I guess the ability to self-motivate one’s self into action (is it just me or is that whole “self” thing bloody hard to word in a sentence? Just me? Right then, as you were).

Yes, that’s right folks, I’m talking diets, jogging and trying, yet again, to develop good habits in those areas.

Or rather, I’m not.

You see one of the tactics I’m currently trying is to ignore these issues altogether. Obviously not completely, or I’d end up stuffing myself solid and developing a Homer-esque butt print in the sofa (actually there is one already there from when I broke my foot and spent a few weeks just sitting there watching TV). No, I’m ignoring them because I’m beginning to believe that if I spend less time pondering these things, and just tackle them as and when they come up, it’ll be easier to handle and therefore more successful.

That’s the theory, at least.

Admittedly this new regime is relying on some rather shakey methods mostly derived from the “ohhh, just get on with it” school of thought. You know the one, it’s practised by the people who believe that anyone who is suffering from depression just needs to be told to “cheer up, it can’t be that bad”. Mind you, thinking about it, it is rather surprising that there are still so many practitioners of this school of thought. Surely, by now, they should all have been stabbed to death with rusty forks? I digress.

Needless to say I’m not entirely convinced that this approach to developing willpower will actually work and was kind of hoping that someone else might have a better suggestion. Or five. I mean, seriously, ANYTHING must be better than this… right?

So, feel free to rush to my comments and proffer forth your willpower related suggestions, techniques and general nuggets of information.

Please.

I’m desperate.

And not just because there’s a Double Decker sitting here, demanding to be eaten!

Personal Musings

I’m still hunting for a solution to my miniblog woes. Miniposts2 plugin doesn’t work, and I really don’t want to/shouldn’t HAVE to hack at PHP code. It can’t be THAT frigging hard, can it? I’m holding out for an update to Miniposts2 in the hope some of the bugs are solved as it’s my best option. I think.

The other blog is still being designed, but I have a few plans for it already.

Unfortunately I’ve been struck down by another bout of killer man-flu and I’m popping antibiotics and decongestants like, um, pills. Motivation to do ANYTHING about ANYTHING is very very low. Add in an afternoon of rugby today and well I’m resigned to being unproductive.

New PC is going fine, but I need to find a small piece of thin rubber to stick to the bottom of this keyboard as it’s bouncing a little.

Musically I’ve just bought an album by Tracey Thorn, and have ‘rediscovered’ “Fix Up, Look Sharp” by Dizzee Rascal. Eagles of Death Metal came on stage to it and it’s WELL BANGIN’ played at that kind of volume. The speakers on my PC aren’t loud enough though… yet. My soundcard does support a 7.1 system (which is an awful lot of cables so I didn’t bother).

The Big One on TV last night wasn’t too bad, and my gob was suitably smacked at our Prime Minister declaring that he’s not “bovverred”. Brilliant stuff. I’m warming to Ms. Tate. Slowly.

And, of course, it’s Mother’s Day tomorrow. A mixed day in our house, and we will take some time to remember my mother-in-law.

Right. Next round of pills is due and I’m off to lie on the sofa. For the rest of the day.

The past few weeks have been one of learning. Obviously this is largely due to starting a new job, which entails learning all about the culture of the office, the processes, the working practises, as well as the software which we create and the marketplace we operate within. It also includes learning basic things, the location of the toilets, the ‘coffee etiquette’, and other pieces of information that are classed as ‘minor’ but are probably more important than most.

My brain has been working overtime with all this new information that I’m trying to process, but seems to be relishing the task. In fact it’s demanding more and more everyday, like some weird sort of insatiable monster, gorging itself on this wonderful new bounty. Of course it’s not like I haven’t offered to feed it before, I’ve tried tempting it with all sorts of new information, offered it countless books, magazines, days out… hell I’ve even tried to bribe it on occasion (my brain will do pretty much ANYTHING if you promise it a few minutes of a Hitchcock movie), but all to no avail.

But now? Now it’s consuming like a chav on a shopping spree, maxing out my intellectual credit cards left, right and centre. I’ve tried questioning some of the items it’s acquiring but all I get is a sullen stare, a roll of the eyes and the stomping of feet up stairs. Thankfully there have been no doors slammed yet, as I’m not entirely sure what will happen when we reach that point. What DO you do if your brain goes in the huff?

For now, the books pile higher, the plans unfold and my brain pushes me onwards, demanding my time, and trying to tell me that I don’t really need to sleep. Thankfully I’ve found an over-ride switch, although that only works at the weekend, but it’s enough to give me some respite, some quiet time, and that’s enough to get me through to Monday, ready to feed the monster once again.

Hmmm, that sounds like a particularly nasty euphemism. Moving on.

Of course all of this helps keep my brain focussed, and my mind free from the less fun things that are going on. The broken fence that is going to cost a few hundred (at least) to fix. The treatment my father-in-law will be receiving soon, and the fact that Louise is off to see him next week. The ongoing struggles of life which we all have to deal with in one form or another.

So yes, I’m quite glad my brain is keeping itself busy, keeping me occupied. As long as it doesn’t forget who runs the show around here, everything will be fine.

Because, if it should forget, well then we have a problem and drastic measures may be required.

Daisy, Daaii sss yyyyyyy

Life Personal Musings

… mention the whole “Act of Union” thing, give my view of it as a Scotsman, and whether or not I think it should be changed.

… discuss the documentary on Margaret Mead that was on BBC4 last night (part 1 of 3 of a series on anthropology).

… point out that the Brits are fast becoming a farce and I really don’t care who is nominated today (although I’ll still want to know).

… be trying to source some new music. I was asked on Sunday if I’ve been listening to anything new and for the first time in ages I had to say no.

… be contacting Sky and finding out why they charged me an extra thirty quid last month.

… be continuing to work on this site.

… have something else to say, ANYTHING else to say.

But.

I’m not. I won’t. I have no inclination to bother.

This is mainly as I’m still adjusting my ‘schedule’ to my new job. This is mainly because I’m getting home completely wiped out. This is also because I’m still trying to get rid of this feckin’ cold.

And, of course, this means that tomorrow (or more likely later today) I’ll have several flashes of inspiration. Funny how that works.

If you only had £10, what would you order?

Rules
1. Must be ordered online.
2. Post and packaging cannot take the total spend over £10.
3. Must be able to deliver to UK.
4. ANYTHING goes.

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Why buy a domain name if you have no plans to do ANYTHING with it and, as it’s been sitting there for over four years now, it should be obvious that no-one is going to come along and offer you a fortune for it. I want www.mclean.co.uk goddammit!! (and yes I’ve asked what the price would be, still no movement).

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Car Insurance time again, and if my current insurers — Direct Line — give me a competitive quote I’ll probably stick with them. Just can’t be arsed with all the faffing about to save £12 … ohh and that reminds me, need to get the road tax renewed. How much is a year again? Brilliant, not even June and I’m spending that months wage already! grumble grumble

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In other news, I’m looking for a good Windows font application that will print out a nicely formatted font sample sheet. Typograf might do it but it costs and I’m cheap. Anyone know of a good freeware alternative?

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Red Hot Chili Peppers new album, Stadium Arcadium. Meh. Disappointing. I think they’ve had their ‘moment’.

~

And finally, I’m in a meeting all day today (offsite, so at least I’ll get lunch on the company), so don’t expect much in the way of posting. Not that that will make much of a change.

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Movie info from IMDB
Movie reviews from Metacritic

The Aristocrats of the title are the closing line of a joke, a family act that feature in a joke so disgustingly offensive comedians rarely tell it in public, or at least that’s partly why. The beauty of the joke is that the “act” can be swapped out for any one of a million perversions and so the joke has been on the go for decades – it’s reportedly the oldest joke in the industry.

This documentary deconstructs the joke, it’s origins and it’s place in comedy folklore, and features most of the best known comedians currently on the planet giving their understanding and their take on the joke. It’s also the first time I’ve ever be warned that the movie I was about to see was “very offensive”.

Completely composed of face to camera interviews and rehashings of the joke, we learn that it’s the middle part, the impromptu section, of the joke that fascinates. As it’s usually told by comedians for other comedians (after the audiences have left) the middle section relies on the ability to shock rather than any of the more standard comedy techniques – there is no wry observation or biting satire here.

I’ll happily admit that, whilst there are (and I did) laugh out loud sections, any documentary that deals with a topic that deliberately tries to shock is always going to bring uncomfortable moments, but the power of the joke is that whilst you are laughing you are willingly following the comedian beyond the usual line that society deems acceptable. It’s all relative and subjective of course but if you watch this and don’t find ANYTHING that shocks or sickens then you need some therapy.

However, it’s comedy and it’s the laughs that remain at the forefront. On the face of it, the coarse language and topic may seem blunt but that’s half of the point. The comedians ability to deliver the material and be funny with it is what is being challenged here. To take people beyond the subject and into comedy. Sometimes it works, sometimes it doesn’t.

This documentary WAS offensive, but like all good documentaries it explains without patronising, and offers it’s subject for what it is, allowing the viewer to decide. I loved it and laughed my socks off; the South Park section being a highlight which is available online.

More info:
The Aristocrats Joke – a database of versions. WILL OFFEND!
Wikipedia entry for The Aristocrat

Media

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