bookmark_borderDarkness unbeing

It’s an itch, and urge, a pulling, scratching, gouging force churning away inside him. His chest is tight, knotted, formulate and plotting. Despising and demonic he plots revenge, he charts the motions and savours the instant. Brutal and vicious, he is animal.
A deep breath.
It refuses to move. Tensed, he is ready to pounce, his actions are driven by constriction, a rope taut around him, pulling him this way and that yet leaving him bound and motionless. Rooted here he spins it round again, and again the vitriol stirs.
Where is the saviour?
Is it pain, is it destruction and violation that will wreck this feeling, lay it to waste, hammerblows to his head?
It spins again, fuelling itself by feeding him more of what he doesn’t need and doesn’t want. He hates it, will not succumb to it and the fight burns on.
His violence scares him, the snarling beast within rips and claws to be set loose, his ribs containt it and it roars behind the bars. He used to let it out, he used to let it roam but never too far. Bruised knuckles and dented metal, macho posturing hiding the truth.
It flows within him, consuming him. The constant unerring swing of the pendulum blade, the gentle tick, metronomic, insistent, unforgiving, unrelenting.

bookmark_borderISTC Newsletter

Time flies, particularly when a deadline looms and so it was last night when, due to this silly, short, month (which has flown by) I had to rattle out my monthly column to go in the ISTC Newsletter, InfoPlus+, toute de suite.

I mentioned this on Twitter and was promptly asked where it was published. I’ve mentioned the newsletter in passing here but realise that I’ve covered it in any more detail.

First things first, you don’t have to be a member to receive the newsletter, anyone can sign up and anyone can view the archives.

Having checked back I actually started my contributions to the newsletter in April 2008, almost two years ago, which took me by surprise. Since then I’ve been monitoring a large number of related blogs, and offering my take on the best posts from that month. I actually started doing that here but the newsletter took the focus.

The newsletter is fun, and offers me a chance to look back at some posts I’ve read but perhaps not fully digested properly and it feels good to be spreading the word about the great content that is available. There are a lot of smart people out there, and it’s good to get a chance to direct some traffic their way.

bookmark_borderHarsh Beauty

The snow has turned to slush, that most dreaded of underfoot conditions. Yet there are small patches of white clinging to the bushes and peppering the fields.

The morning light is cold and thin, leaving everything dull and flat.

Yet there is still a stark beauty at play, a clean harshness that I find attractive. It’s similar to those magazine shots of a white room, minimally decorated. It speaks of open places, clean slates, blank canvases.

It is a bit of a bugger to drive in though.

bookmark_borderThe need for speed

How fast do you drive? At present I have a powerful car, which I admit I drive too fast. I like to think I’m pretty careful, I’m not doing 60mph past schools or anything, but if the road is clear, and conditions are good my right foot does tend to get quite heavy.

And I’m really not all that sorry about it. Irresponsible? Occasionally. Human? Undoubtedly. It’s not something I’m proud to admit but there you have it.

Part of the attraction is the thrill. There is a feeling of being alive that can be obtained which is similar to (but not as intense as) riding a rollercoaster, and isn’t that one of the things that defines us? Our drive towards emotion? It’s why people throw themselves down icy mountains on flimsy pieces of moulded glass fibre, or disappear into uncharted territories full of nasty beasties and big scary monsters, it’s all done in the name of emotion and that wonderful adrenalin rush that comes from pushing things to the edge of your control.

God, I sound like some hopped-up loony, driving at 100mph every chance I get. I’m not, honest. I top out about 90…

In all seriousness, being a responsible adult (stop laughing at the back!) means that there is a constant battle when these situations arise. The emotion-driven part of me strives for more, faster, higher, closer to the edge, the rational part of me senses the danger and the safety mechanisms kick in. Partly fear, partly self-preservation, it rails against adrenalin, and endorphin.

I know I’m not alone in this respect, that with middle-age approaching and the tendency for life to start to slow down kicking in, driving a car is sometimes the only place where such vicarious thrills can be saught. Perhaps I should’ve gotten into more outdoor based sports like caneoing which I enjoyed, I’m sure I would get a similar thrill, blasting down a fast flowing river. Man versus nature and all that.

Alas we all live in a society and as such need to obey the rules, which means being sensible, colouring between the lines, and following a set of principles.

Or you could bend the rules a little, occasionally let the urge to be silly take over, and slap bright dabs of your favourite colour wherever you damn well like.

After all, life is about living.

bookmark_borderSecond biggest purchase

our new civic

That’s my car. An ’06 plate, Honda Civic 2.2TDi ES model. It’s a wonderful car to drive, with a very good engine and a good level of equipment. The reason I have a diesel is because of the high mileage we do, about 380 miles a week, and it was supposed to be cheaper in the long run and, well, it might’ve been but for one thing.

Being the ‘first’ of the new model Civic, it’s fair to say that the car has been plagued by a lot of small niggles. On average it’s been back at the garage about once every two months and whilst a lot of the work was carried out under warranty (and some was, I admit, my own fault as it’s the most powerful car I’ve ever owned and I did… er… ‘over’ drive it on occasion) it’s not out of warranty and the niggles keep on coming.

Time for a change then, but what?

I’m tempted to get a newer Civic, with the presumption that the niggles have been ironed out. Honda have a good reputation for build quality because they do change production to take account of these things, so it’s a reasonable bet that if I did get another Civic, it wouldn’t give me half as many problems as the current car has.

But with fuel prices continuing to bubble upwards, perhaps now is a good time to look at some of the ‘Eco’ cars. The VW Golf BlueMotion gets a good write up (better than the Prius or Focus) but is still quite pricey. The Honda Insight is a proper Hybrid (the BlueMotion is a diesel with ‘smart’ technology to help boost MPG), which again makes it pricey and by GOD it’s ugly!

So I started looking at smaller cars. The Fiat 500 to begin with, which is super cute but just too small for the amount of travelling I do, I need something comfy. The Fiesta gets good reviews all over the place, and it’s looking like that might be the best option.

Ultimately, it’s about money. The monthly cost of ownership is key, and I’d like to lower my monthly payments as well as get a car that will help minimise ‘running costs’. Which brings me to the Kia Cee’d, which gets reasonable reviews, has a good level of equipment and has a seven year warranty. Seven years!

It’s a bloody minefield though and I’m still searching and comparing all sorts, with a reference copy of AutoExpress at my side. Perhaps that Skoda Octavia is the best bet after all?

bookmark_borderAnd stretch…

Chatting to one of the instructors at the gym last night, I mentioned that I had thought about signing up for a Yoga class as I really need to improve my flexibility.

He advised me not to until I’d reached a reasonable level on my own, and at that he turned his attentions to the young blonde girl that had just walked on. Can’t really blame him for that but it did leave me wondering.

What is a “reasonable level”?

I’ll ask for more information when I’m next at the gym, but for now I think I’m gonna go with the Yoga section/exercises available in Wii Fit Plus.

Spending as much time as I do sitting at a desk I’m starting to feel my age, not only in my lack of flexibility but my eye-sight. I do have glasses, but they are for distance, or at least they were the last time I got my eyes checked, some 6 years ago? 7?

Time and tide and all that I guess. I don’t mind getting older at all, I’m just learning how to adapt my lifestyle to cope. One thing I definitely can’t do anymore is go drinking two nights in a row.

But I can always make exceptions, say, on the 8th and 9th of March…