bookmark_borderHappy NOT doing

Bit of a manic weekend that, although it is nicely aided by the fact that, as we are owned by a French company, we get the English bank holidays, I have today off.

As always I had a few vague notions of things I wanted to get done today. Nothing major, a bit of a potter in the garden to tidy up, maybe catch up on some TV from the weekend, nip to the shop and maybe even check up what is happening online.

As it stands I’ve done a bit of that but not much else. It’s been good NOT doing stuff. And everybody needs some down time, right?

Now, I might go and put on a fresh pot of coffee.

Or, you know, I might not.

bookmark_borderWhen not to laugh

You know those things you already know, that you don’t really need a lesson about?

Yeah, those things. The things life sometimes likes to throw at you, like that annoying teacher who would randomly ask you a question just to make sure you’ve been awake for the past hour. That.

Hmmm I should maybe be a little more polite about teachers, they do an amazing job, are hugely underpaid and undervalued and all round wonderful people (hey Mum, hey Dad!).

Anyway, this is a brief tale about one of those types of lessons.

I’ve been managing to keep a fairly regular schedule at the gym, visiting 3 times a week, and concentrating on cardiovascular exercise as I’m still focussing on losing weight. In other words I’ve been mostly sitting on a bike pedalling up and down ‘hills’ for 30-40 minutes at a time.

Of course to keep things balanced I have also been using the variety of big mechanical machines, with all those fancy levers and pulleys, and the ability to attempt to try and lift what feels like a small cow. It’s a bit of a strange setup that one, and I think I’m not the only person who is sick and fedup of the cows hogging the treadmills.

I digress.

As most of my time is spent sitting on the bike I’ve taken to watching movies, propping up my iPhone on that clever digital display that tells me how fast I’m going, how many kcalories I’ve burned, the distance I’ve travelled and so on. I get warmed up, hop on the bike, set the time and program I want to complete and then decide what I’m going to watch.

Having run out of movies I started watching episodes of Flight of the Conchords. I’ve seen some of them before but I like the mix of gentle humour, xenophobia and music (always a winning combo!). It can be quite subtle at times, with only the odd real laugh out loud moment.

So, obviously, just as the six foot tall Mr.”I Have No Neck And My Shoulders Are Three Times The Width Of My Waist” decides to hop off the machine directly in front of me, just as he almost catches his foot and has to hop a little to catch his balance, a hop that takes him a half turn in my direction, right at that very millisecond is, as I’m sure you’ve all guessed by now, one of those moments where I’ve blurted out a big “HAAAA!!”.

It must have been funny to have been an onlooker at that point. You would have observed me staring at the screen of my iPhone then bursting into a quick clap of laughter, just as a very large, muscley and quite scary looking man almost trips off the machine directly infront of me.

You’d then have witnessed me suddenly realising that the aforementioned Big Scary Man was glaring at me, my nervous look at him and my odd attempt at an apologetic smile, and then my frantic attempts to cycle away as fast as possible.

On a stationary bike.

bookmark_borderAbout blogging

If you were attending a conference, and specifically attending one of the sessions that was going to be covering “blogging”, what questions would you want answered?

No, I’m not being completely lazy, I already have a good outline of what I want to cover (why, what and how) but it’s always good to get some “pre-emptive feedback” as a colleague of mine once stated.

On the flip side, those of you who already blog, any pearls of wisdom? Any information you wished you’d known before you started?

I’ll be publishing my presentation at the same time as I take to the stage at the Technical Communication conference in September and will update it based on any questions or comments raised during my session.

After all, for me, one of the main reasons I blog, and read blogs, is to exchange ideas and knowledge. The conversation is the power and I’m really looking forward to transferring my thoughts from here (on this blog) to the conference and seeing how a ‘live audience’ reacts.

bookmark_borderWhat is the word?

There is a word for everything, and if there isn’t then the English language is quite happy to go and steal one from somewhere else (hello, schadenfreude).

So maybe someone can tell me what the word if for when, all of a sudden, everything seems to happen at once, like all the strands of your life conspire to make the coming weeks frantic.

It’s not coincidence as these things don’t necessarily occupy the same space and time, and they aren’t accidental they are all planned, but they do seem to fall into one block of time.

September will be a busy one and before it has even started it is showing no sign of slowing down.

So, all you smartypants out there, what IS the word for when this happens?

bookmark_borderComing Soon

A few months ago I was asked to speak at a conference in Nottingham.

A few months ago I bought tickets for a couple of gigs, one in Manchester (Elbow), one in Glasgow (Massive Attack).

I didn’t really think about these things much until this week when I realised they were all coming up in the next month, all within the same two weeks. I travel down to Manchester on a Friday, back up the next day. Tuesday the next week finds me hopping on a plane down to East Midlands airport for a few nights in Nottingham, back up on the Friday, and then on the Monday evening following that I’m in Glasgow for the Massive Attack gig.

Funny how that happens, isn’t it.

I don’t think I’ll have much, if any, free time in Manchester as it will be largely a case of jumping off the train, checking in to the hotel, going to the gig, then maybe a wee wander in the morning and then back onto the train to head back to Scotland.

However, I may be able to get away for a couple of hours when I’m in Nottingham. I’m staying in Eastwood Hall, so if anyone has any suggestions of interesting places to go then let me know.

Should be a busy couple of weeks but I’m already looking forward to it, not only for the gigs, but the conference should be interesting as well as a new challenge for me. My presentation is on the rather loose topic of “blogging”, so I’ll be enlisting YOUR help, dear reader, at some point soon.

bookmark_borderFunny's Cousin*

I am hilarious. I frequently crack myself up, and the bemused looks of co-workers and general passers-by only add to the hilarity.

My humour is largely sarcasm based, with a tag of “friendly banter” and I can be fairly merciless when it comes to teasing people but hey, it’s all (hilarious) good fun, right?

A small example from this evening may help you better understand the depths of my witty reparte; my sister, upon arriving home during a complete downpour, remarked that her legs were wet. To which my instant, and hilariously witty, retort was to imply that she needed to improve her bladder control! HA haaaa!!

Maybe you had to be there. I thought it was very funny.

Mind you, no-one else laughed….

That said, I did manage to illicit a piece of pure comedy genius this evening, all thanks to a man in a fancy dress costume and an inanimate set of sprinting hurdles. If you were watching the BBC coverage of the World Athletics Championship this evening you may have caught this but, unfortunately for you, you weren’t in the presence of my comedic genius.

Let me set the scene.

Melaine Walker had just won the gold medal in the 400m hurdles and the mascot helped her celebrate, offering her a piggyback for her lap of honour. This, in itself is a little funny, but not as hilarious as what happened. As she mounted him (oooer!! see, I can do smutty humour too) and they set off I quipped, blimey, he’s lucky if he can see where he is going!! Ohh, the hilarity that ensued when seconds later he ran into a pile of hurdles.

Maybe you had to be there.

Oh wait, you can be! Sort of…

OK, this won’t be perfect as I very much doubt you’ll nail the sardonic delivery nor be able to provide an accurate replica of my nasal whin dulcet tones but feel free to give it a shot.

Watch this video and around the 17-18 second mark just say the words, with the hint of a smile as you begin to imagine the worst, “Hey, he’s lucky if he can see where he’s going!”

See! Comic genius in action!

TOLD you I was hilarious…

* Yes, I know it should be “Funny’s Cousin”. The font replacement thing on the blog that isn’t displaying the apostrophe, alright? Can’t be bothered thinking up a new post title. RSS feed readers, you can ignore this.