Mark Twain apocryphally said, “I’m in favor of progress; it’s change I don’t like.” This quote pithily underscores the human tendency to desire growth while also harboring strong resistance to the hard work that comes with it. I can certainly resonate with this sentiment.
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Rilke reverenced winter as the season for tending to the inner garden of the soul: “Suddenly to be healed again and aware that the very ground of my being — my mind and spirit — was given time and space in which to go on growing,” he wrote to a grief-stricken young woman who had reached out
When bloggers start to compile lists, pulling their worldly-wise thoughts together into recaps, looking ahead at the looming calendar change and all that it brings with it (or not if that’s what floats your boat).
I don’t get much time to write these days as the bulk of the content I create is for my journal and, specifically, the monthly letters I’m writing to my son. I am still trying to carve time for this weird little space of mine; the existence of this blog remains a mystery to me, even though I’ve been nipping in and out of the archives of late, marveling at the crafted words that leap from the screen. Did I really write them? Isn’t it odd how time and a live well lived can alter your own perception of your own abilities.
That said, having been at this blogging lark for a while now I can sense my fingers itching to find the sweet spot between cliche and anything resembling something interesting to read and so, dear reader I give you two recaps for my past year.
It has been an amazing year, a wonderful holiday in France, the love and support of our families, a new job that I am enjoying immensely, and as the year staggers to an end I find I can mostly reflect on the positives this year has brought. I look no further than my own home for a reminder of the love, happiness and comfort I know I am ohhhh so lucky to enjoy.
It has been a shit show of a year, I lost my job the night before we travelled to a 3 week holiday in France so had to spend 2 weeks doing interviews and sending my CV left, right, and centre. Our car lease ended and we had to downsize (literally) to something much cheaper. I’ve not established any form of exercise routine and have put even more weight on (on to a body that really does NOT need more weight on it). And there are other closer to home issues that are on my mind that I am powerless to do anything about. Ohh and the Tories are still in power, money is tight, and I’m permanently tired.
Emotionally it’s been a rollercoaster but hey, that’s life. Ups and downs, like every year before this one, and all the ones yet to follow… ohhh yes, may as well play into the cliche and head down the Christmas Past, and Christmases yet to come route!
On the whole I’d very on the first recap, largely because of how happy I am on the whole, the simple act of waking up my son in the morning, or playing on the floor with him, or splashing in puddles with him, or partaking in whichever activity he favours the most on any given day, have me happy and smiling, no matter how tired or fatigued I’ve felt. Add to that the support, care and encouragement my amazing partner has continued to offer me, no matter what she is going through, only adds to the sense of disbelief and joy I feel; tellingly these were the two main emotions I experienced this past year!
If I was a good blogger I’d now recap my favourite things from the past year, the best books I’ve read (so far I’ve read 32, the DI Fawleys remain the most enjoyable), the best TV show watched (Slow Horses, The Bear), and the most watched movie (Toy Story!).
But I’m not a good blogger and no longer care to track these things in any detail as, if I’m being honest, I’ve never really gotten any value from them and I’ve long since moved away from the ‘quantify your life’ view of things.
So their you have it, likely not my final post of the year but one that has been bubbling in my head from the moment the calendar turned to December. As I said, I’ve been doing this blogging thing for a while and old habits die hard. Yippekiyay Motherfuckers!!
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