Month: January 2020

bookmark_borderKobe Bryant

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I can’t remember exactly when but I can remember exactly where; my Uncles house in Dundee with my cousin Stuart. I can’t recall how it came about, but I’m guessing it was around about the time I was playing basketball for the school house team, and as my cousin also played it’s possible we’d been talking about that. I had started to realise that I wasn’t too bad at basketball, helped by a growth spurt no doubt, and it was fast becoming my favoured sport to play given my basic footballing skills.

My cousin had a VHS tape of an NBA game, and he put it on so we could watch it. Looking back I’m guessing it was an older recording yet there I sat, utterly transfixed as the amazing athletes played the game that I knew yet which they made appear so much more dynamic and exciting. A man called Magic bamboozled the opponents and passed to a man called Kareem who turned sideways and, leaping away from the basketball, sort of rolled the ball up and out and over his defender, a looping shot that was his trademark. I didn’t realise it just then but I’d just seen a classic move from two of the all-time great players; Magic Johnson with a no-look pass to Kareem Abdul-Jabbar with an unstoppable skyhook.

I too was hooked. The showtime Lakers were my first NBA team and have remained that way – despite a brief flirtation with the Chicago Bulls when a certain Michael Jordan came along – through thick and thin.

Suffice to say that the news that broke late last night was a shock.

As part of the next generation of dominant Lakers teams, alongside Shaquille O’Neal, Kobe Bryant was one of those players that everyone loved, even if they loved to hate him. He had a skill-set that meant whilst he never dominated entire games, he was still able to control them and make plays that beggared belief. He was fierce, opinionated, and very driven.

He was the type of player that made most things look mundane, and the hard things look easy, and his passion kept him a level above many other players. He truly was one of the greatest to ever play the game.

I followed Kobe on Twitter and Instagram for a long time, and as he retired he started to explore other passions with the same fervour. He was also a proud father, and the news saddens even further hearing that his daughter Gina died with him.

What a tragedy for that family. What a loss to endure.

RIP Kobe Bryant.

Addendum 28/01/20: I did myself, and others, a disservice by not speaking to the darker side of Kobe, the side which was accused of raping a young woman. From other interviews since that happened, particularly after he retired, it certainly seemed like he was learning to be a better man and was aware of his faults. Does that excuse what he allegedly did, absolutely not. I don’t know what happens if you turn back time, but some would say it would lead to justice and in my heart I’d have to agree.

bookmark_borderTennis

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The post is written in response to a prompt from Genre Scribes: Friday Fiction Writing Challenge #29 — Tennis.

I think the part I loved the most was when I was first released.

That whooooosh, the rush of fresh air as the can was popped open, the golden light that greeted me as I tumbled out onto the luscious green grass. I know I was only there for a moment but it’s still such a vivid memory.

I briefly chatted to some of my co-workers while we waited, I think a couple of them were a little scared, which is weird, because it’s literally what we were made for, but I guess it makes sense. Not everyone wants to be thrown up in the air to be hit by a racquet.

After that, of course, it was down to business, we all have a job to do, right?

I didn’t have to wait long before I’m rolled fast, picked up, thrown and bounced. Then I’m in a pocket, then I’m up in the air, then BOOOOM I’m flying back and forth so fast, the grass, the net, the people are all a blur of colour and noise.

It’s wonderful. I felt so alive!

But then, just like that, you hear the words and it’s all over. Game, set, and match.

It only really struck me when I was dropped back into the cannister, back into the darkness.

I’ve heard that sometimes us older tennis balls see the light again but, well, for me at least, I’ve seen nothing yet.

Don’t get me wrong I know I’ll never be new again, but, ya know, I’d at least like to be used.

bookmark_borderThe Interview

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The post is written in response to a prompt from Genre Scribes: Friday Fiction Writing Challenge #29 — Interview.

Of course I was nervous, who wouldn’t be. The weeks of waiting now boiled down to the next couple of hours.

I closed my eyes, focused my breathing, and thought of the conversations I’d had to prepare for today. Most people had said the same things; ‘I was the right man for the job, no way they could trip me up, no questions I couldn’t answer. Be confident.’

I was ready. Just as I had been. I was the right man for the job, I was confident of that, and the questions they would ask would confirm it. I could feel my pulse slow, my mind calming. ‘You are ready’ said the voice in my head, ‘be confident’. It almost sounded convincing.

Just then the door creaked open, and a voice said “General Tibbets, they’re ready for you Sir”.

As I followed the Private, I saw he was more nervous than I was, his clenched fists visibly shaking. A child to have lived through such events.

The interview went as expected. I answered their questions; Yes, I captained the flight of Enola Gay on the 6th August 1945. Yes, I gave the command to drop the bomb. Yes, I felt remorse but I was following orders.

I remained calm, stoic, and resolute. Even when someone suggested it was all, ultimately, my fault I remained confident.

And then, just like that, it was over,

The same quivering private accompanied me back to my cell.

The door clanged behind me, and I finally broke down. Sobbing long and hard over the death and chaos I had unleashed on the world.

bookmark_borderHappy 4th Birthday

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Another year has passed and wow what a year you’ve had!

OK, so I’d best mention your Mummy and Daddy getting married first, I guess, as it was a pretty big day in their life and I know how happy they were to have you there (don’t tell your Mum but I think you might have been the prettiest girl that day!). It was a wonderful day of celebration, but my best memories were of you dancing with your Mum and Dad, a tiny moment in a day full of laughter and love, and there you were, the three of you all smiling and laughing.

It was quite a year for you all round, not only did your Mummy and Daddy get married and you got to wear a beautiful dress, but you also started dancing class and in no time at all there you were, performing on stage all on your own, utterly fearless and full of confidence. For all your quiet shy moments of the past, you seem to have an inner strength to you and don’t often seem to get fazed by things, long may this continue! I know you are just turning four today, but the longer you can hold on to these traits the better your life will be (I’ll do my best to remind of you this as you grow older of course but I already get the feeling that won’t really be needed).

As your personality grows, we are finding out that you are quite the little performer, not to mention a bossy chatterbox at times.

Now, I do have a couple of bones to pick with you. We’ve spent a little more time together this past year and, whilst I really enjoyed my time with you at the park one day, I’m not sure your constant commands of where I could and couldn’t go were all that necessary, especially when any digression on my part ended up with me covered in boiling hot lava! OH NO!

And then there was the evening that Auntie Becca and I took you to Xscape and you thought it would be hilarious to throw snowballs at me, not your Auntie Becca, ONLY ME! I have to admit I felt a little bit picked on, but seeing how happy it made you and how hard you were laughing, perhaps I did egg you on a little too.

What a beautiful sound it is, that little giggle you have, that bursts forth so often as you continue to learn and explore the world around you with such a lovely perspective – apparently one day when your Mummy’s tummy was rumbling after she’d had some ice cream, you thought it was maybe just that her “tummy was saying thank you”! – what a kind hearted little soul you are. We already knew this but it was further highlighted a few days later…

We got a message from your Mummy, apparently you had gotten a sticker at nursery for a ‘random act of kindness’: “Lucy’s friend Elizabeth has spina bifida, she is unable to walk unaided. They were playing a game where the kids chase each other round in a circle. Lucy was being chased by Elizabeth but knowing she can’t run Lucy immediately started crawling instead… She wasn’t asked, told or had this happen before, she just knew in her head she had to go slower for Elizabeth to catch her.”

Your personality is growing but it’s clear you have a good heart to go with that cheeky smile, something that will stand you in good stead as you grow older, the world needs love more than ever these days.

Christmas was even more fun this year, now you are fully aware of everything that is going on. Hopefully you weren’t spoiled too much, and it was nice to spend a few hours with you on Christmas Day, made all the better by receiving an impromptu hug as you left. Auntie Becca and I were delighted and both agree that was the best Christmas present we got!

It’s been so much fun seeing you find your own place in the world as you grow, seeing how much you like your Auntie Becca, and how much you are interacting with everyone around you. I think that’s because of the love and support your parents give, not to mention the rest of your family, love and support that will always be there.

I’m so very proud of you,

As always, love and hugs and high fives,

Unky Gee

bookmark_borderAims not goals

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I’ve already stated that my main resolution for 2020 is to be more mindful when I use social media. My reasoning is that I want to waste less time aimlessly scrolling, to give me more time to do other things that I get more personal value from, things that I know are good for me but which get pushed aside far too easily.

Which begs the question, what are these things I want to do more of? Well, broadly speaking there are three areas I want to focus on, all of which will make me a happier me. So, in the name of accountability, they are (in no particular order):

  1. Writing
  2. Meditating
  3. Exercising

I’m trying to be sensible about this, so I’m setting myself one primary aim for each of these areas whilst allowing for a couple of additional hopes as well; activities I’m hoping to pick up (or do more of) with the time I’m ‘getting back’ by spending less time on social media.

I’m also being very deliberate with my language here, these are not goals I’m setting with specific targets that I may not achieve, these are things I’m aiming to do (with some level of accountability) and which I hope to build new habits for along the way. It also means I’m not being too prescriptive as I want these things to find a natural place in my life, and I’m willing to concede that there will be changes along the way but ultimately the end point should be the same.

The use of language is a subtle but important difference and I’m hoping it reduces/removes my fear of failure.

Writing

Primary aim: Write in my journal every day.
I’m not bothered about the volume of what I write, it doesn’t have to be much, it just has to happen every day*. It’s been useful to me in the past as a way to process thoughts and emotions, and also (more often) as a way of remembering the good things that happened.

Additional hopes:

  • Write two blog posts a week. One fiction (from weekly prompts), plus one other on any topic. This sort of happens already but every time I sit down to write I want to focus on it properly.
  • Write/read/edit the novel I have in progress at least once a week just to keep it alive. Some days I’ll get an idea and sit and write for a couple of hours, others I’ll re-read and edit, move things around. I’m sure there is a finished novel in there somewhere.

Meditating

Primary goal: Meditate for 10 mins every day.
I pay for an app called Calm for this exact reason but the habit fell away in December as varying work hours/holidays kicked in and I didn’t dedicate the time to it.

I got into meditation a couple of years ago, attending some meditation classes after work with my good friend Andi, and it’s stuck with me it just doesn’t happen as often as I’d like. I always feel better, lighter, calmer, and more aware of living in the present, when I meditate no matter how long for. I’d like to feel like that more often.

Additional hope:

  • Attend some more meditation classes again, it’s a different experience and I think Andi and I would benefit from making it a regular thing!

Exercising

First things first, I can’t really get moving on the longer goal (be able to run a 5K again**) until I get my crappy knee sorted, but there is plenty I could do until then, but I’m going back to some basics.

Primary aim: Stretch every day.
My intention is to build a morning habit to increase my lower back/hip flexibility. 7-10 mins each more, and I’ll incorporate whatever physio exercises I need to do as well. I sit at a desk most of the day and in the last couple of years, specifically since I stopped going to the gym 3 days a week, I’ve really noticed the difference, feeling much stiffer and sorer than I used to (plus, I’m getting old!).

Additional hope:

  • Walk Dave and listen to podcasts. I’ve stopped listening to Podcasts as I don’t really have an hour to dedicate to them so I’m invariably left part way through and don’t revisit them. So I’ll double up on this one and listen to them whilst walking Dave which is always a good way to get a little exercise!

So there you have it, three areas, some gentle achievable aims and some additional hopes.

The next trick is to make these things habits, time will tell if I succeed.

Caveats
* I’m presuming I’ll be able to hit the primary aims every day but I know that won’t hold true. Life will get in the way at times and that’s ok, I’m just going to go with the flow and see what happens.
** My long-term aim to run 5KM is just that, long-term, it may take me all year, or it might not happen until 2021. I am not putting a time scale on it, but it is where I want to get back to in time.

bookmark_borderDamage

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The post is written in response to a prompt from Genre Scribes: Friday Fiction Writing Challenge #28 — Damage.

“Look at you, with your designer pant suit, that flashy watch, and just look at your new £200 hairdo, aren’t you just so fuckin trendy! Put down that Starbucks cup and take a proper look at yourself, you blinkered idiot. Where do you think those limited edition sneakers were made? How many people worked in treacherous conditions for that handbag, and don’t even get me started on the smartphone that’s constantly plastered to your face.

And it’s not about the obscene amount of money you spend it’s the frivolous way you do it, no consideration, no wider thought to the damage your actions are inflicting on others, children on the other side of the world are being beaten, living in shacks, earning pennies, just so your brand label jeans have the right amount of pre-scuffing to match whatever bullshit fashion trend you need to follow today.

Don’t you see, it’s all just a way to keep you in your place? Buy more, consume more, throw it all away and start over every month. A new trend, a new must-have, keep up with the fuckin Kardashians. Ignore the rest of the planet as it burns, as the waste mountains grow, as the air clogs up with the shreds of the dollars you don’t even realise you’ve set on fire!”

She screams, slamming her hand down on the counter. Her breathing ragged, her glare fierce. She lowers her head.

Pause.

She looks up and whispers.

“You are so damaged you can’t even recognise it.”

She watches a single tear roll down the face in the mirror.