Month: July 1999

bookmark_borderSilence

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“Hello, darkness my old friend, I’ve come to talk to you again.”

20 July 1969 : Apollo 11 : Tranquility Base –
“A small step for man…“

A defining moment in many lives (not least messrs, Armstrong, Aldrin, and Collins), man had made it to the moon. Each astronaut on the mission new the risks, as did those of the backup crew (Jim Lovell, Fred Haise, and Bill Anders – the former two to experience their own problems aboard Apollo 13).

There were of course contingency plans in place, all situations were covered, including the possibility of the leaving two men to die on the moon. In silence.

In a 30 year old document, it has been revealed that NASA planned to cut communication to the moon-bound astronauts should they not be able to leave the surface of the moon. A speech was ready for Nixon to announce their heroic death, a tragic loss in the battle for space. As soon as it was confirmed the astronauts would not be able to get back to the re-entry pod, they would be cut off. The astronauts were not informed. They would be left with nothing but silence. Silence, complete blackness and a view of home.

bookmark_borderCourage

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Human courage in extreme situations continually astounds. I recently heard about a Vietnam documentary which looked at the story of several American soldiers who were captured by the VietCong. They were locked in separate cells, and no communication was allowed. At one point in the documentary one of the soldiers, sitting calmly in a chair, vividly describes how one day he gave up, and tried to kill himself. With nothing in the room to use, no clothes on his body, he stood and smashed his forehead against the wall until he passed out. He didn’t die.

Many people say suicide is the cowards way out, but in this circumstance it was, without doubt, an act of incredible bravery. An act of a man pushed to the very limit. During the documentary, the man is asked if he was aware of what he was doing, after a slight pause he replies.

“Of course I was….“

In day to day life we will never get close to that kind extreme. Our bodies and minds are cushioned, protected.
How would you react in that kind of situation? There is no answer of course, you can’t simulate that kind of experience in your mind, and you certainly wouldn’t want to simulate it physically.

Another sequence in the documentary: Once again one of the captured soldiers sits passively, almost morose, in a chair and describes in graphic detail, one of his torture sessions. I will spare you the details. At one point, he says,

“I was in so much pain that it no longer registered. I then realised that they couldn’t hurt me any more. I lifted my head, and looked my tormentor in the eyes, holding his gaze. He looked back, burst into tears and ran screaming from the room. I don’t know what he saw in my eyes.“

None of the soldiers gave up any information. None were decorated by their country. None returned heroes. They were forgotten.

There is much more to say about the incredible strength of human will, the courage we can muster in extreme situations, but I’m not able to get past one thing – a sense of awe, a sense of relief. Relief that it wasn’t me.

bookmark_borderFour

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“The hurt of lost,
the longing of one,
the distance from those,
the untouchable.”

Four lines.

Many meanings.

As I’ve mentioned elsewhere, I wrote those four lines a long time ago, I think I was about 17 or 18, vaguely around one of the times I split up with Louise (which as certain people know, happened now and again). Since then it keeps appearing in my head, for no reason that I can fathom, and each time it seems to take on a different meaning.

“The hurt of lost” – doesn’t apply anymore, but when did it? Is the loss perceived or a reality?

“the longing of one” – I long for many things, or is dream a better term? Many things I can’t achieve, many things I have.

“the distance from those” – distance, when used properly, keeps perspective, but from who?

“the untouchable” – inferiority complex? Lack of self-confidence, feelings of exclusion?

No matter how hard I try, I can’t pin this down, but maybe that’s why it still intrigues me after so long. Do I really need an explanation? Like many things, it may be better not to know, but surely, as my brain keeps recalling it, it must have some significance.

Maybe I think too much, it has been mentioned. I’m convinced it has a relevance, it must shelter something, or is it just too vague to really mean anything? Maybe that’s the appeal.

If you have any ideas, please let me know.

bookmark_borderSilly

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Silly adj : lacking seriousness; given to frivolity; “a dizzy blonde”; “light-headed teenagers”; “silly giggles” [syn: airheaded, dizzy, empty-headed, featherbrained, giddy, light-headed]

Love can be defined as silliness. I don’t mean silliness as in daftness (although the border between the two is very blurred), I mean silliness as in the daft (see!) little things we do to amuse the other. Silly voices, silly faces, silly words, just plain silly.

Personally I think silliness is massively under-rated. People frown on silly behaviour, and it is generally thought to have a certain time or place. This is true to an extent, but not, in my opinion, the places most people think.

I know my attempts at silliness is a ‘defense mechanism’ – using humour when I’m really nervous or anxious about something – but is that such a bad thing? I’m perfectly aware that a silly quip relaxes most people in a tense situation, so if used correctly can be a valuable asset. I have been told that I joke too much (guilty, m’laud), and that some people don’t appreciate my rapier wit…oh ok, sarcasm… and I know I should be more considerate, but hey, that’s their problem. I’m trying to deal with mine.

So what is my point here? Well there isn’t really one to make, or maybe there is, maybe a new doctrine – SILLINESS FOR ALL! STOP ALL SERIOUSNESS! (need to get something that rolls of the tongue a bit more easily though).

Or maybe not…

P.S. Steph – sorry for the ‘dizzy blonde’ reference, but that’s what the dictionary said – honest!

bookmark_borderBang II

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Another shooting in the U.S.

The outrage, the shock, the pain.

Swiftly followed by the insight, the analysis, the reason.

Apathy? Is that what it is? Or an inherent numbness to the horrors?

The same arguments against will be countered with the same arguments for, and in a week or so it will all be forgotten. What will it take? OK, radical idea – why don’t the anti-gun lobbies get together and go around the U.S. and shoot one member of each family in the country. Is that what it would take? I fully admit to suffering from the same “it’ll never happen to me” syndrome, but life here in the U.K. hasn’t yet reached the ‘advanced’ stage that the U.S. has. We can’t walk in to a gun shop, brandishing any form of identification, and purchase the ability to kill someone. And surely, the shop owners can spot the ‘mad-gunman’ types…they are the ones with the twitch and generally ask about ‘big’ guns (I presume)

“Hi, can I help you?”
“I want a b-b-big gun”
“And what will sir be shooting?”
“eh….p-p-people”
“Ha ha ha, very funny sir…anyway, may I suggest
the…….”

OK, I know it’s not that simple (is it?), but that’s the impression we get here in the U.K. Want a gun? Go buy one! Add it to your basket at the supermarket, or ‘purchase the new range of road-rage rifles at any of our participating garages’.

It’s so easy to make fun, be satirical, and generally ignore the problem. Yet the solution is so blindingly obvious it’s a wonder that the U.S. government hasn’t stumbled on it yet – so between you and me…here it is.

Ban all guns.

Wow! I can feel the ripples of excitement pulsing their way across the Atlantic. Then slamming hard against the usual arguments.

Trouble is there is no argument, which do you value more? The right to have a gun, or your life. Which does the U.S. goverment value more? The money behind the gun lobby, or your life. Next time you see your local senator, mayor, or whoever, ask them that. Don’t listen to the argument, repeat until you get an answer. There is only one they can give, one they believe, only one they can say to your face. So how many ‘good’ men are voted in every year? How many ‘good’ men will stand up and say “Hey, guns kill people, and we can’t control them properly, let’s do something about it!”

If it wasn’t such a tragic topic it would be farcical. Problem is I don’t hear anyone laughing – do you?