The title of my website is largely true. Iām aware of my flaws and foibles and, for the most part, I accept them and Iām happy within myself. However that doesnāt mean Iām not on the lookout for ways to be a happier me.
Iāve discussed in the past how Iāve taken steps to remove ānegativityā and recently Iāve extend that to a more introspective practice; Iām trying to making peace with the things I canāt control, I’m learning that letting go isn’t as bad as I think it is.
Bear with me, I realise this will sound very obvious; why would anyone in their ārightā mind get uptight, annoyed or upset at things they cannot control? Road rage is an excellent example of this, the energy expended in vitriol and rage is a waste, it wonāt change what has happened and, while it may influence the other party involved, you canāt control how.
One bite at a time
Itās easy to say these things, simple words to utter but much much harder to put into practice. However, in accordance with the old adage āwhen eating an elephant take one bite at a timeā Iāve decided to start to tackle this by focusing on small pieces of my life, one part at a time and Iām starting with the one that just so happens to be my biggest source of stress, my job.
For those that donāt know me, I have a bit of a thing for timeliness. Meetings that start late annoy me and it still staggers me that some of the smart people I work with canāt use a calendar to follow a schedule (there is a special place in hell for those that are late for meetings they arranged). What can I do about that? Ultimately, nothing.
Part of me wants to go into a āworkplace cultureā rant at this point, how ābroken windowā syndrome has many facetsā¦ but I wonāt.
In the past, these occurences used to make me angry and annoyed. Part of me took their lateness as a personal insult, part of me didnāt understand how it can be that I can be on time but others canāt. Futile thoughts and I shudder to think how much energy I wasted on such things.
These days, rather than sitting in a meeting room waiting on people to arrive I do one of two things. I either a. suggest to those already in attendance that we start the meeting b. use my notebook and phone to do some quick tasks (reply to an email for example). After 10 minutes Iāll get up and leave, presuming the meeting will be rescheduled (if it happens without me Iāll presume it wasnāt important that I was there anyway, although thatās also presuming that the type of meeting has been clearly communicated in the first place).
Learning to let go
It has thrown up an interesting challenge though. Iām a very driven, goal oriented kinda guy, so being passive about something isnāt in my nature; the two lovely ladies in my life and I have chatted about my need to āfixā things so itās not just a work thing but it comes into play there more often than not.
But the more I let go of things, the lower my stress levels drop and the better my health seems to be. Itās a balance of course but I think itās starting to work.
So what?
Why am I doing this? Because Iām fed up being stressed and worrying about things that I donāt need to worry about, things that I want to do but which are frequently impacted by external forces beyond my control. I canāt stop some things happening, I canāt control the emotional response of others, and I need to stop worrying about that quite so much (I will retain a level of empathy of course, Iām not a monster!).
Figuring out which things to stop worrying about hasnāt been easy, Iāve chopped and changed on my approach on this; Do I start with the presumption that I shouldnāt worry about anything and that everything that needs done will get done by someone else, and so anything that is truly mine to do will be escalated to me? Or do I start by choosing the things I donāt think I should be worrying about.
Iām taking things on a case by case basis at present but so far by letting go of some of these things, when coupled with the avoidance of ānegative energyā, seems to be making a different.