There was a fairly massive “UK blog event” last week, which culminated in the publishing of a book called Shaggy Blog Stories (you HAVE ordered your copy, haven’t you?). It was a remarkable undertaking and everyone involved should be, and has been, rightly applauded. Plaudits well earned if you ask me.

Of course, as with anything and everything, there has been a little bit of a backlash which mike has handled with his usual aplomb (I do wish he’d stop making things looks so damn easy). I guess some people always presume the worst in these situations and I think that reflects more on them than they care to realise.

Now, I should point out that I’m not in the book. Nor was I involved in the creation process. Hell, I didn’t even offer a contribution. And I’m not for a minute suggesting that I wasn’t given the opportunity to be involved, and I’m quite sure that had I offered, mike would have found some use of my ‘talents’. This post is most certainly not a “toys out of pram” moan, nor a dig against anyone who was involved.

However the simple fact is that I wasn’t, for a variety of reasons that I’ll mention in a minute, involved with this project at all. On any front.

This irks.

And I’m not sure why.

Is it because I’m not involved in something that would reflect well on me?

Quite possibly, but I doubt that’s the main reason. I’ve done charity work in the past, and I’m quite happy with how (most) people see me.

Is it because I’m jealous of those that are involved?

This does seem more likely, but I don’t think it’s the full story. Yes, I’ll happily concede that part of me looks down the list of people involved and wishes I’d done more, done anything, to help out. The ME ME ME part of my personality craves attention, I’m certainly not unique in that respect. Anyway, one of the reasons I didn’t contribute any content for possible inclusion in the book is that I’m just not that funny. I don’t read anything I’ve written and end up snorting coffee all over the keyboard. And no, I’m not jealous of those people who ARE funny (or at least who WRITE funny… ohh you know what I mean), envious possibly, but not jealous.

As it happens, the fact that I’m not (that) funny wasn’t one of the major reasons why I didn’t contribute. It was more a series of unfortunate circumstance.

When I received the email from mike I was in the midst of swapping over to a new PC, as well as going through a fairly full-on induction week at my work. I was getting home around 7pm most nights and was in bed by 10-10.30pm. There was little time for anything that wasn’t in my direct line of sight, most emails around that time were instantly responded to or deleted. Only a few were left hanging around to action later on.

Ultimately I ignored mike’s email for a couple of days, figuring I’d get around to it at some point… but I never did. By the time I realised it was too late. The deadline had passed.

“Ohh well”, I thought. “I doubt I would’ve been able to contribute anything funny, but hey, maybe I could help out with the proof-reading. I do that as part of my job anyway so, yeah, I should drop mike an email and see if he needs any help”.

But I didn’t.

And that’s what irks me.

This funny little hobby of ours is largely dependant, like most ‘social’ phenomenon, on a few leaders and regular faces chipping in when required. Occasionally I’m one of those leaders (on a smaller scale) and I do like to chip in as and when I can. But this time I didn’t.

The outcome of that decision is that I wasn’t involved in any aspect of the production of Shaggy Blog Stories and, whilst that means I miss out on the kudos, publicity, and general well-beingness that was/is generated, it also means that I let myself down.

That conclusion has snuck up on me. I had no idea I’d end up saying that, and certainly didn’t envisage that this would become a public ‘apology’. In fact I’m cringing at the though of posting this… so let’s skip forward onto one last thought. One that keeps circling round my head and that I can’t seem to pin down or shoo away:

It irks me that I wasn’t involved because I consider myself a “reasonably well-known” blogger (in the UK at least), and I SHOULD have been involved!

Now, how far up my own arse does that make me sound? Apalling, I know, and yes I realise that the logic here is completely flawed, that I CHOSE not to be involved and have abso-fuckin-lutely no right to be thinking in such ways. Yet here I am, thinking it.

Irked.

I wish I had some way of closing this post. Some way of saving a little face, but sometimes you can’t. Sometimes the truth just has to be put thrown out there into the ether.

I wonder what will come back…