Making Money

Reading time: 2 mins

The geezer with the numbers tells us there are only 100 days until Christmas. I knew this because I live with the original “Crimbo nutter”. She has a countdown printed off and stuck up on her wall at work. She made it up a month ago.

Anyway, 100 days until the big glittery, sparkling day when we all eat too much, drink too much and avoid the Queen’s speech. Wouldn’t it be nice to have a little extra cash around Christmas this year? A few extra quid?

Well why not join me in my revolutionary new scheme and you too could be in the money for mistletoe-time (he says, grasping for an alliteration. I do apologise, that was awful). It’s very simple, and is not related to anything even slightly triangular shaped, let alone pyramidular (is that a word?).

The idea is simple.

Dig out the change in your pocket/wallet/purse.

Count it.

Is there at least £1 there?

Good (if not, ask to a friend or colleague if you can “borrow” enough to make it up to that amount)*.

Put it in a tub marked “Xmas Saving Plan”.

Do the same tomorrow.

And the next day.

And the next day.

Continue doing this every day until it’s Christmas.

Next thing you know Auntie Ethel is smearing her warm, waxy lipstick all over your cheek, you are wearing a hideous jumper, are the proud owner of ANOTHER twenty pairs of socks but you won’t care because you’ll have £100 in your backpocket!

It MAY be an idea to change the coins into notes otherwise your backpocket may end up pulling your trousers down. Ladies, keep the coins, put them in your purse and if anyone tries to snatch it they’ll be stopped dead in the street as gravity kicks in (it’s two great schemes in one, save money AND protect your handbag!).

I’m offering this AMAZING scheme free of charge. Why? Because I’m a nice guy, that’s why.

It has absolutely NOTHING to do with the fact I’m sitting here watching progress bars on a 20 minute install, and have had 5 cups of coffee already… honest guv…

* It is not advisable to continue asking friends for £1 everyday. Unless you have a lot of friends/colleagues/family who don’t mind being taken for a ride. If you do then best of luck! Why not ask for £2!?

This post is brought to you by Humbug Productions. No responsibility for the safe-keeping of your savings is offered. If you happen to pilfer it to spend down the pub in late November DON’T COME CRYING TO ME!