(arrived via email from regular commentee “Splinter” (that’s not his real name ya know))

1. Life is a sexually transmitted condition.
2. Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
3. Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.
4. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
5. Some people are like a Slinky… not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
6. Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
7. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
8. Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial tax cut saves you 50p?
9. In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in Britain. But we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of immigration?

And yes, I’m still laughing at number three…