Author: Gordon

Father, husband, feminist, ally, skeptic, blogger, book reader, geek. Always sarcastic, imperfect, and too cheeky for his own good. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 He/him.

Hitchrick and the new job

I’ve spent the last few hours filling in forms, lots of forms, repeating the same information over and over. But I don’t mind because it’s because I’ll soon be starting a new job.

The paperwork is a little more involved because I’m making the move from a permanent salaried role (which is all I’ve ever known) to a contract. That means I need to think about things like hiring an accountant, setting up my own limited company, getting a business bank account and lots of other fun things that require a lot of reading.

I’m excited though, not just because I’ll be getting back to work but because this is something I’ve considered in the past but never really had the courage to make the leap. Turns out being made redundant was just the kick I needed!

I have chosen my new company name, and just off the phone with my new accountant who will take care of a lot of the paperwork for me – I was pondering tackling it all myself but I think I’ll give it a year or so before I head down that path.

For now, I just need to finish a few more forms, confirm my start date and start figuring out my new commute which, when the weather allows, will see my cycling to work. Win win!

Another reason for me to be glad about getting this contract is not only professional – I’ll be doing Business Analysis for a bank – but stems more from my state of mind. There is no doubt that not working has a negative effect on me, and not just the money worries. I like to be busy, but no matter how I tried, I found filling my days with non-creative and non-contributory actions just wasn’t enough for me.

I’ve been out of work, officially, since the end of July, that’s 3 months when I could’ve learned a new language, or tried a new activity. But I didn’t, because whilst I always want to be better for me, I’ve realised that what I really need is to have something to contribute to that is beyond me. At least, I think that’s what it is… still trying to figure that bit out.

Regardless, I’ve got a new job! Huzzah!!

Create to win

I have no job at present.

All the fish I had have died.

I started Couch to 5K but my ITBS flared up so I can’t run.

I’m behind on my reading challenge for the year.

Just in case anyone was wondering why I’ve been a bit quiet on this blog, and other places, it’s because I’m failing. I predicted this would be a year for failing I just didn’t think it would be this kind.

I like to keep busy, so not working isn’t the best for my mental health, neither is not being involved in anything creative so I’m pushing to fix that in a few ways, one of which being NaNoWriMo which starts in November.

I know. I’m mental.

I just need a few wins.

Apple hedging on good enough

I’m a big fan of Apple products. Their hardware is always well designed and well made. I like using them, I like they way they work, how they feel in my hand.

I am not a fan of most Apple software.

The operating systems are good enough, but not groundbreaking. I don’t want all the baffling options and lack of consistency I see with Android – I had an Android phone for a year or so, it never felt “nice” to use – and whilst it sounds like Windows is getting back to being usable, I like the Apple hardware too much to move (maybe the new Microsoft lap/tablet/top thing will sway me?), and most Linux variants I’ve seen and used are not user-friendly.

Apple keeps moving iOS and OSX forward but ultimately they do what they need to do and don’t get in the way too much, which is all I need.

Apple applications on the other hand are, almost across the board, not great and everywhere I look there are better alternatives.

I may give the Photos app a stay of absence here, as it suits my needs but I know most people look to other solutions here.

I use Safari as my browser, but beyond that I hardly use any of the Apple applications on either operating system.

On iOS I use Cloudmagic and not Mail, Todoist rather than reminders, Fantastical over Calendar, Spotify over Music, Overcast for podcasts, Dropbox for files, Evernote for notes, and Dark Sky for weather.

In fact just about anywhere I can, I’ve swapped out Apple apps for 3rd party ones, and I’m not alone. Apple proudly talks of the over 1 billion app downloads made through the App Store on iOS alone, but how many of you have a folder on your iPhone that holds unused, and undeleteable, Apple apps?

But hey, it’s all about choice I guess, right?

Except it isn’t, or at least it won’t be. Look at how Android is starting to tie together the information your phone knows about you to produce ‘Now’ cards, and because it can get access to your email, your calendar, the websites you browse, it has more data with which to be helpful.

Apple is heading the same way, and it all makes sense. For a tiny computer in my pocket, the more useful it can be, the more likely I am to invest in it and, at some point in the future, our smartphones need to be smarter, they need to push the information I need to me when I need it, not wait for me to open an app.

So, the fact that I’m NOT using the apps that Apple offer becomes more than just a preference, it’s a limitation.

I’m not sure how I get past that. Part of me hopes, and possibly presumes, that the weight of consumer need will push Apple to open things a little more, allow better integration at the system level to the various apps I use. When I ask Siri to play my “Radio G” playlist, it should know I mean in Spotify, not Apple Music.

Alas, I fear that day won’t ever arrive. Apple has been very protective of its ecosystem, and whilst it is slowly adding more and more capability to the apps that it does offer, at some point I have to decide to make do with ‘good enough’ or leave the ecosystem to get what I want from my technology.

The next couple of years are gonna be interesting.

Once more unto the breach

Once more unto the breach
Dear friends, once more;

I had plans and goals, but then I always have plans and goals, and I achieved one of them in August yet, whilst September slipped by in a Singapore haze, October has loomed large and plans were made once more.

The plan for October had been to start Couch-to–5k on the 1st of the month, alas man-flu felled me, reducing me to a lump on the sofa.

But I WILL start and I WILL be at 5K distance for the end of the year (hear me, ohhhh god of positive thinking!). At that point ParkRun will beckon, the habit will be established, I will be a runner once more.

I’m keen to get started, raring to go, and that usually bodes well as I know my fitness/weight loss challenges are very much determined by my mood (as are my eating habits, I am the epitome of an emotional eater).

And so, it begins again.

I see you stand like greyhounds in the slips,
Straining upon the start. The game’s afoot:
Follow your spirit, and upon this charge…

(yes, I’m leaving out the last line… mostly because I can’t be bothered rewriting it to a more Scottish view)

I am a feminist

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at http://www.polymeansmany.com.

I am a feminist. Perhaps not a very good one, but I’m still learning.

Hang on, how can you be a bad feminist? I’m either a feminist or not. Let me start over.

I am a feminist.

I thank my Mum for even though, I wasn’t consciously registering it, her constant, quiet, protestations about the patriarchy (not a word she has ever used) stuck in my brain.

I know the very last thing anyone needs is another white cis male voice in this conversation, but as that would bring a fairly premature end to this piece then please forgive me as I batter on.

Feminism is not a topic I write about very often for the reason stated above, but I do listen and try and amplify others when and where I can, I also try not be mindful of my communications and my actions. I don’t always get it right, but when I get it wrong I own my mistake and try and make things right as best I can.

So, what does that have to do with polyamory?

Honesty, trust, communication, being open and listening to my partners and understanding that they have an equal place in the relationship is a reasonable summary of my approach to polyamory and matches my attitude and approach to feminism.

There is also a parallel, no doubt better explored and written about by others, between feminism and polyamory. Both are a deliberate choice, a break away from the more ‘traditional’ (i.e. culturally accepted) norms of monogamy where the man is the ‘primary’ and the women is ‘secondary’.

I am a feminist. A non-monogamist feminist.

I should probably get a t-shirt made or something…

On Cheating

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at www.polymeansmany.com.

There are many ways in which polyamorous and monogamous relationships are not only similar, but identical and, at a basic level, cheating is one of them.

If you are seeing someone without telling your partner(s), you are cheating.

Within a poly relationship this is no different and relies on honesty and trust, and no small amount of talking.

Which is no different to any other aspect of polyamory, communication and honesty are key.

So how could someone end up cheating? Well it depends on what the expectations are within a given relationship, what is agreed and allowable by all, and that everyone is being clear on what they want, and what they don’t want.

First things first; safety. If you and your partners have been tested for STIs, and are happy to not use condoms (technical term: fluid bonded), then obviously the risks rise when another sexual partner is added to the mix.

Beyond that, how you and your partners define cheating is up to you. You can require notice and a level of approval of any new partner, or allow for casual relationships as long as they are carried out safely and everyone is kept in the know. The latter allows for one-night stands, the former protects your current relationships.

And if you have cheated, owning up is the hardest part. Admitting you have done something wrong and accepting whatever the consequences may be.

It may surprise some people that being poly doesn’t remove the chance of being cheated on, or the circumstances that can lead to cheating. After all the act of cheating is a personal, singular one, it is a decision that you take knowingly, even if you don’t want to admit that to yourself.