Resolutions in the poly world

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at

Over the last few years I’ve shied away from making any New Year resolutions. However the fact remains that as the calendar year ticks over, it’s natural to reflect on the past with a desire to change things.

There are always the usual desires and goals, but one thing I am hoping to improve is how to better manage my own moods; both the shorter term spikes of annoyance (usually when plans change, even if those plans were only ever in my head) and the typically day long flat periods when I just want to push everything away.

I know the latter will happen from time to time, and that sometimes I just need to call out for some time alone. It’s all part of keeping the balance and I’m lucky that both my partners understand that. However the short term reactions, the quick spikes of annoyance, are the ones that I’d like to figure out. I won’t eliminate them, I’ve long had a short fuse, but I would like to get a better handle on it.

I’ve always had a bit of a short temper. It rarely manifests itself into more than a glare or an expletive but I know that those can be just as damaging as any physical expression of anger. I know that I can come over as a bit of a grump at times, so I think my focus is more about creating space for me to be happy and a lot more relaxed about things.

There are various factors that prompt these flare ups, as I mentioned a lot of the time it’s because something hasn’t gone the way I thought it would, usually something trivial. I have the bad habit of planning out a day with ‘rough’ times only to find myself annoyed when those times aren’t held to even if it makes no difference at all to the day. Typically I won’t have communicated my thoughts well enough, if at all, and that can then cause one of my loved ones to think I’m annoyed with them.

I’m not. I’m annoyed at myself for getting annoyed!

It’s something that comes and goes though, and even those spikes of annoyance rarely last more than a few seconds as, if nothing else, I at least know that it’s happening and quickly adjust. But I still don’t like that it happens, which I guess is a good thing as hopefully that means I’ll do something to try and change it.

Outside of my own reasons, it should also mean an improvement in my relationships as I know my communication skills suffer when I’m in a grump, not great for a poly setup!

I will fail at this resolution, not completely as it’s not really a resolution at all, but those little spikes of grrrrr will still crop up, hopefully less often than in the past. It’s interesting that despite Kirsty and I having been together for a few years now, they still can be an issue. It’s the same for Clare and I, but a little more understandable as she’s still learning about me.

And there we have it. The real reason I want to improve, because a happier more relaxed, less grrrrr me = happier partners. And I think that’s something that’s worth throwing some resolve at.