Happily Imperfect Blogging

26 years and counting

My appetite for writing down my thoughts continues unabashed. Admittedly a lot of what I’ve been writing about recently has been very private, given the utter shit life has thrown our way through October last year to even the last couple of weeks of this year but, as it does, things are levelling out.

I’m being oblique for good reason, just as I haven’t gone into great depth about my sisters sudden death because her daughters may read this (well her oldest, her youngest is only 4) nor have I really talked about the circumstances surrounding my Mum’s sudden death, this isn’t the place (nor is it my place) for such details because, at this point, the details are pointless and don’t change what has happened. Nor is it my place to comment on more recent sad news (fuck cancer is all I’ll say).

But I am still here, and so is this little blog, still chartering it’s (filtered) way through my life.

I do wonder what my son will think of it all, how much of it he will be able to parse, how much of it he might start to see himself within, and which parts he won’t understand at all. Of course by the time he reads this blog (presuming he has a cursory look at least) he’ll have likely read all the letters I’ve written to him these past few years (43 letters and counting) so who knows what he’ll discern or even care about. I am very aware this blog means a lot to me but very little to anyone else (as it should).

It is odd to think of this blog through a different lens, I mean I know other people read it from time to time, but mostly it’s always been a way for me to think out loud, to share my thoughts into the void. That vain desire remains, still pushed by the one time someone said something I’d written helped them and by all the comments and discussions held back in the early days when we all had blogs because we had time for them…

My blog has long stopped being a focus for me, it’s not a priority, yet it remains and these days, that’s all it really has to do.

I do still wear sunglasses though.

June 2, 2025

Where will we go?

An image representing writing and blogging

This isn’t a blog

It’s a journal.

It’s obvious now, I mean it’s taken me a while, but I guess that’s because I’ve long been blinded by my own egotistical aspirations, spending far too long hanging on to the coat tails of the original bloggers in the vain hope some of their success would trickle down to my small silly corner of the internet, all of it back in a time long forgotten…

It’s 1999, I’ve just created an account on Blogger, I’ve manually copied and pasted the posts I had originally hand coded in HTML and I’m marveling at the ability to type text into a box and for it to instantly appear on the internet for everyone to read. All nicely formatted and laid out according to the template I had chosen. It was a marvel. No blockers, no technical challenges, just text and maybe an image, posted into a form magically appearing on the internet to be consumed by (potentially) the entire connected world. It’s such an everyday experience now but back then it really was a marvel.

Not being that forward thinking, I spent the next year or two posting random nonsense, sometimes multiple times a day, whilst reading other blogs, following links, searching the Yahoo directory for undiscovered nuggets. All the while, my contemporaries were focused, crafting niche content, finding their voices, building businesses, crafting unique worlds around their words and thoughts. Some of the people I was lucky enough to meet in real life went on to publish books, TV shows were developed, and elsewhere successful organisations were built that continue and thrive today.

I’ve always been prone to introspection though and so it was inevitable, really, that this blog skews to my own internal monologues and thoughts. I’ve never been a specialist either, something that bugged me for a long time. I’m not really great at any one thing, but passably good at a few so it makes sense that this blog has never been about anything more than my ability to write my thoughts down and publish them online.

I’ve said some of this before, of course I have, there is little new in the world it seems.

Which is also something I don’t really do, I don’t create. There is nothing new here, not real reason for people to stop by and there never really has been. So to what end does my voice matter?

Well, it matters to me. And a long time ago one post mattered to one person enough for them to contact me directly about it. But beyond that it is purely a journal, edited, censored, but shared. A glimpse of a life half lived. And that’s the real reason.

I write and publish to be seen. To be appreciated. My long sought approval by my peers that still drives me to this day.

It is ego. It remains an aspiration and, as the blogging cycle comes back again, I find myself rediscovery old voices I thought lost and as they whisk by on their sleek and honed vehicles, I reach out blindly once more. Perhaps this time they will take me somewhere.

Perhaps.

October 16, 2024

Six Thousand

This is my 6,000th post.

Almost 1.5 million words and counting.

It’s a bit bonkers really. It’s one thing to consider the time that has passed since I posted my first ever blog post, but quite another to look at the build up stats surrounding this odd little place.

Yes I know, if you do something for so long the numbers will add up, but 1.5 million words is a LOT. Like, loads. And I still can’t stop spewing them out and publishing them.

It’s been a lifetime (25 years) since I started this blog and I’ve maintained it throughout, reflecting on myself as I journey through life, my work, my hobbies, my friends, my emotions, and my family (then and now).

There is, presumably, about the same number of years ahead of me; so many more words, topics, thoughts and dreams to capture and share to the 6 of you who still occasionally drop by.

But it’s never been about the numbers.

I’ve watched on as other bloggers – those who focused on a topic or two, who wrote better, were funnier, smarter and all the other comparisons I could come up with – roared on to success, to book deals, TV shows and wider acclaim, and whilst I admired them, and liked them as people as I was lucky enough to meet a couple of them over the years, it was no mystery to me why my little blog didn’t reach those heights, quite simply I wasn’t aiming for them.

I won’t go back over why I started blogging, nor why I continue to do so, but these little milestones are now things I take some pride in. Yes, it’s just a silly little blog, which means a lot to me but very little to others, but it’s something I’ve stuck with and whilst I’m continually tinkering with the design, the platform, the machinations behind the blog, it’s still the joy of writing and the ACT of writing down my thoughts that I enjoy. Even the smallest part of the process, watching words appear on a screen as I move my fingers across the keyboard, remains a magical thing. Yes, I’m THAT old. And yes, the publishing of said words for the entire internet to read is part of it too. Vanity and all that.

Threads recently had a couple of instances of ‘how old are you in internet terms’ posts, and all I can think back to is hand-coding HTML to appear as black text, on a grey screen. And two weeks later being able to add a background colour and an image. It was late 1997 if you are wondering. I spent some time playing with HTML creating my own start pages, first a bulleted list, then in a table, then with Frames, then with CSS… and then it all became easier with bookmarks and auto-complete and so many things we take for granted now, you know, like Google… in the midst of all that I wrote I was playing with building a website and needed some content so I wrote Sunglasses. The rest is, literally, history.

So here I am, 6,000 posts in and I’ve learned so much it’s hard to even fathom where to start. I am not the person I was when I started this blog, I’m into my third and final life stage, and whilst I remain Happily Imperfect, I still can’t seem to kick this silly little habit I’ve had for over 25 years now.

July 10, 2024

25 Years

25 years

A long, long time ago
I can still remember how that music
Used to make me smile
And I knew if I had my chance
That I could make those people dance
And maybe they’d be happy for a while
American Pie by Don McLean

I can sing many songs (badly) word for word, the full version of American Pie is one. It was a song my Dad, who loved a bit of folk music/americana, played now and then and, long before Madonna brought it back to the masses, was a popular choice during my time doing Hospital Radio; some times you’d be the only one there so if you needed a pee you needed a long track, thank you Don McLean for this 8 minute track.

And no, he’s not a relation.

I’ve written at length about why I started this blog, and why I keep posting to it despite the fact my average readership is in the low double digits, but it still baffles my brain that it’s now entering it’s 25th year of existence. 25 years since I wrote about Sunglasses.

If I was more organised I’d now share some stats and interesting tidbits about this site, it’d be very meta (if that’s what the kids are still calling it today) and tell you which post got the most visits, which one got the most comments, who the top referrer was.

Instead I’ll ponder the people I’ve met, the publications I’ve been mentioned in and more. I used to have an Ego page on here but then I realised how little I cared about that stuff. Although it is still fun to remind myself that…

If you own issue ?? of .Net magazine, my (very old) site was featured on page… (it was it really was, but I can’t remember which issue. Dammit).
If you own the O’Reilly book Essential Blogging – I can be found on page 223.
I was interviewed on Radio Scotland on Tuesday, March 9th, 2004.
I featured in the Scottish Sunday Times Ecosse magazine on Sunday, March 13th, 2005.
I was quoted in the Guardian on Tuesday, February 7th 2006.
I was quoted in the Sunday Times Ecosse section on Sunday 11th March 2007.

But above all, I’ve maintained and cared for this site as I’ve grown. As I’ve matured, been through divorce, different relationships and stages of my life, through to my current delightedly happy state, married to the person I didn’t realise I needed until she rocked up in my life and kissed me, and father to a beautiful, curious, boy who I’d happily hack off my right arm for.

25 years and many more to go. Probably.

June 2, 2024

Hello 2024

Woke up, got out of bed, dragged a comb across my head. Well, I would’ve but for one thing I’m not in a Beatles song, and more pertinently I have no hair on my head, something my 2 year old son recently confirmed to me when, upon being asked if Daddy had hair on his head like he did, he looked me right in the eye and, with a little laugh and smile said ‘No’.

He’s definitely my son, the cheeky wee bugger.

Christmas is over, a new year has rolled around and I’m full of positive and good intentions, PMA oozes from my pores although that might be the third coffee I’ve just downed. I’m hoping to keep my blogging mojo on the burner but as ever I won’t make any promises, this will be what it will be and that’s ok.

Jack had a great time over the festive period, he’s not fully aware of the whole idea of Santa and Christmas yet but he will be this year, so we took advantage of that and kept everything low-key. Christmas Day was a feast of family and food, and it was a good reminder of the good people we have around us. 27th is my annual ‘friends day’ which is always fun, and aside from that it was pretty much just spending time with my son. Add in a cheeky night away for Mummy and Daddy (thanks to Granny Morna for the babysitting) and it’s been a refreshing break.

Hogmanay was wild though, wow! I jest, Becca was working early on New Year’s Day so it was the usual routine and I’m pretty sure I was asleep by about 10pm.

2024 will bring what it will bring – so far I have a 50 mile cycle planned (Etape Caledonia), and we will be heading to Skye for a holiday around May/June – and no doubt there will be more changes to accommodate along the way, more chances to learn, more ways to be a better me.

As always I’ll remain Happily Imperfect though, it’s the only way I know how.

January 10, 2024

It’s that time of year again

When bloggers start to compile lists, pulling their worldly-wise thoughts together into recaps, looking ahead at the looming calendar change and all that it brings with it (or not if that’s what floats your boat).

I don’t get much time to write these days as the bulk of the content I create is for my journal and, specifically, the monthly letters I’m writing to my son. I am still trying to carve time for this weird little space of mine; the existence of this blog remains a mystery to me, even though I’ve been nipping in and out of the archives of late, marveling at the crafted words that leap from the screen. Did I really write them? Isn’t it odd how time and a live well lived can alter your own perception of your own abilities.

That said, having been at this blogging lark for a while now I can sense my fingers itching to find the sweet spot between cliche and anything resembling something interesting to read and so, dear reader I give you two recaps for my past year.

It has been an amazing year, a wonderful holiday in France, the love and support of our families, a new job that I am enjoying immensely, and as the year staggers to an end I find I can mostly reflect on the positives this year has brought. I look no further than my own home for a reminder of the love, happiness and comfort I know I am ohhhh so lucky to enjoy.

It has been a shit show of a year, I lost my job the night before we travelled to a 3 week holiday in France so had to spend 2 weeks doing interviews and sending my CV left, right, and centre. Our car lease ended and we had to downsize (literally) to something much cheaper. I’ve not established any form of exercise routine and have put even more weight on (on to a body that really does NOT need more weight on it). And there are other closer to home issues that are on my mind that I am powerless to do anything about. Ohh and the Tories are still in power, money is tight, and I’m permanently tired.

Emotionally it’s been a rollercoaster but hey, that’s life. Ups and downs, like every year before this one, and all the ones yet to follow… ohhh yes, may as well play into the cliche and head down the Christmas Past, and Christmases yet to come route!

On the whole I’d very on the first recap, largely because of how happy I am on the whole, the simple act of waking up my son in the morning, or playing on the floor with him, or splashing in puddles with him, or partaking in whichever activity he favours the most on any given day, have me happy and smiling, no matter how tired or fatigued I’ve felt. Add to that the support, care and encouragement my amazing partner has continued to offer me, no matter what she is going through, only adds to the sense of disbelief and joy I feel; tellingly these were the two main emotions I experienced this past year!

If I was a good blogger I’d now recap my favourite things from the past year, the best books I’ve read (so far I’ve read 32, the DI Fawleys remain the most enjoyable), the best TV show watched (Slow Horses, The Bear), and the most watched movie (Toy Story!).

But I’m not a good blogger and no longer care to track these things in any detail as, if I’m being honest, I’ve never really gotten any value from them and I’ve long since moved away from the ‘quantify your life’ view of things.

So their you have it, likely not my final post of the year but one that has been bubbling in my head from the moment the calendar turned to December. As I said, I’ve been doing this blogging thing for a while and old habits die hard. Yippekiyay Motherfuckers!!

December 13, 2023