Author: Gordon

Father, husband, feminist, ally, skeptic, blogger, book reader, geek. Always sarcastic, imperfect, and too cheeky for his own good. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 He/him.

Walking Home

The bell finally rings and as one we rise, chairs scrabble across worn tiles as the dull intonation from the teacher behind her desk – take your time and remember to do your homework – bounces and echoes round the room with no ear willing to catch it. We all want out. The first of us stream down the corridor and quickly overwhelm the metal door, with all its dull edges and cross hatched safety glass, that marks the boundary of our freedom. We spill forth; the thundering of feet on the ground where we play, a tumult of immature noises rising and merging as the classrooms empty.

At the main entrance to the playground the parents await. Some are peering keenly, trying to desperately spot their child amongst the bustle, to pick their beloved face from the mass the rushes towards them so they can wave and call. Other parents stand back and chat with a practiced weary distraction, these are the parents of the older children, the Primary 5s and up, they’ve been waiting there for years, know the ritual well and are fed up of being told just HOW EMBARASSING it is that they even exist at this point in time, this crossover from school attendee to escaped convict.

BY the time I’m old enough, as I live close to the school, I’m trusted to make my own way home. My independence comes with the realisation of control. I can choose my route home, who I walk with, the pace I walk at, when I stop, when I start.

There are three exits from the playground we are allowed to use (the front of the school is out of bounds), one to the left, two to the right. The main exit is on the right, but I can leave by either if I choose. Beyond the school walls further choices can be made; stick to Bonhill Road or Townend Road (right and left exits respectively). After that decision more choices are revealed; veer off Bonhill Road and through the old folks home, head for Round Riding Road (which opens an additional two routes and so on). But most days I stick to one route. The lane.

The school is an old red sandstone building, the playground surrounded by a 1000 foot high wall made of thick stones that will stand there until time ends. At the main exit, there is a sloping gap in the wall, wide enough for a car, through which most of the children pour. But further along the wall there is a smaller space, big enough for a door though it has never had one that I’ve seen. That is where I head, away from the many to the path of the few.

Some days I run, desperate to be first, to be away, to be alone on my walk, to avoid the pushes and trips, the jostles and shouts, as long as I am first to edge of the playground I know the majority will turn right and walk down the street to another place as few of us turn left as I do. To be first doesn’t guarantee sanctuary, but does bring a thin veil of protection.

If I’m not first, I try to be last. I deliberately fumble at the zipper of my jacket, I slowly pull my satchel over my arms and onto my back, I saunter the corridor and as I finally leave my hand touches the warmed metal handle of the door, the recent ghosts of classmates still lingering there. Ahead of me, shouts ring out, an inflatable football slaps against stone, a goal scored in a never ending game. Once through the door I pause at the top of the steps and watch the herd as it retreats, slowly splitting in two, left and right. Walking slowly through the playground I follow the rest that are heading my way, wondering if I can sneak past them all, knowing I can’t so lingering as long as I can, aware that the janitor will soon sweep me up and chase me out.

The lane was there from an early age, as soon as I was trusted to make my own way home safely I knew it would be mine. In latter years the bullying dictated I follow the same strategy but with military precision, to be first or last was key and that decision soon came to be habit. To this day I am first, early for things, pushing ahead and not looking back.

The few that walk that lane know each other, our houses and homes on a similar route, and we know the lane that leads away from the school and eventually back to the main road. We know where the puddles form when it rains, where the nettle patches will reach out to scrape bare legs in the summer. The lane traces the backs of gardens and passes by a large patch of (still to this day) vacant ground. Long grasses, wild bushes and trees claimed it long ago and in the warm months, if you walk very carefully, or stay a while and listen, crickets will start to play their symphonies whilst birds swoop low and gorge on the rising wall of insects.

Beyond the cacophony of those insects, aside from the swooping birds and occasional bats, I sometimes saw a lone cat. A large ginger beast that would fade in and out of the long grass. A tiger hunting prey. It would stop sometimes and look at you, a challenge? An acknowledgement? I did not know cats back then, but I knew the word aloof. The aloof tiger, deigning to pause and glance in my direction. It always continued on, undeterred, knowing the scruffy boy in the grey shorts and brown leather sandals posed no threat.

Across the piece of wild abandon is another road that plunges away towards the town centre. That boundary is marked by an old iron fence, with a locked large gate to one side. Some of the bars are buckled just wide enough for a child to squeeze through. Between the lane and that gate, winding its way through the grass is a faint path. Often enough walked to be visible, seldom enough walked that brambles and other jaggies have been able to take up residence and stretch out their arms, silently waiting to snag your socks or rip their tendrils across your shins.

Beyond the usual weeds, the vivid greens and yellows of the grasses, wild flowers tried their best to throw some colour against the dull canvas. They were joined by the detritus left behind by man, spikes of red from rusting cans of Coke, sparkles of silver from foil wrappers, the occasional discarded pornographic magazine in all its tawdry vitality. These were the colours of the place, they remain painted in my memory.

On through the lane now, one foot then another, turn right at the t-junction towards Scott’s house, then left when you re-emerge on to the main road. Then plod onwards past the dancing school (held in someone’s front room), past Patricks house then Isobels then the entrance to the Old Folks Home – a place of smooth winding pathways and home to many cycle races in the summer – then on to the corner of the sweeping crescent I called home.

First house on the right; chips in a fake newspaper cone on a summer evening and home to my best friend. Then the policemans house on the left; ignore the loud barking dog, you’ll realise later he’s as gentle as a puppy. Childless houses on the right that held all manner of guessed secrets and mysteries. Dr. Wales house on the left; War of the Worlds and always the promise of a sandwich. Then our neighbours house; Number 11, and the boisterous Captain, keep an eye out if he’s washing his car, he’ll try and soak you too! Then, finally, home. One foot on the low wall, leap the flower bed and a hop step and a jump to the front steps.

Through the door, hang your jacket on the coatrack and head to the kitchen to recount how your day was.

It was always ok.

Of course it was. I was home.

Podcasts

It’s been a while (a year!) since I wrote about podcasts but with my recent change of job, and a 30-odd minute commute by bus, I’ve been hunting about for some more podcasts to fill my time, and on the way I’ve ditched a couple I used to listen to, so I thought it worthwhile popping a list of my current subscriptions here in case anyone else has the same, admittedly specific and narrow, set of interests as me.

In saying that, most of my choices of whether to subscribe to a podcast or not is largely based around time. Anything over 40 odd minutes doesn’t make the cut – every rule has exceptions of course – and my subscriptions are varied as I’ll happily listen to someone talking about pretty much anything as long as they are engaging and passionate about their topic. I’ve dropped a couple of podcasts recently purely because of the voices, shallow I know but I really don’t want to spend 30 minutes cringing at every gasping adenoidal breath of a host who offers neither passion nor much humanity as they speak.

However looking at the list of my subscriptions (below), it does have a fairly narrow focus that covers design, tech, Apple fanboy stuff, comedy, food, science and desert island discs, so if anyone has any suggestions please leave a comment, doesn’t really matter what the topic is, as long as it’s around the 30-40 min mark (or less!).

So, in no particular order, here is my current list of podcast subcriptions:

  • TEDTalks (audio) (subscribe) (website) – the audio only versions of the TED talks, doesn’t always make sense without the visuals, YMMV.
  • Answer Me This! (subscribe) (website) – random questions answered with humour, knowledge and pathos (ok, not pathos, swearing. Whatever).
  • Song Exploder (subscribe) (website) – Take one song and break it out, artists discuss inspirations, production ideas and how a song becomes a song. Fascinating.
  • a16z (subscribe) (website) – Discusses trends, news and the future of a world being shaped by technology.
  • Serial (subscribe) (website) – The rule breaker – usually at least one hour long but an indepth look via investigative journalism, at one true story. Fascinating.
  • Clockwise (subscribe) (website) – Four people, four topics, tech/geek/apple fanboy tastic chat.
  • In Our Time (subscribe) (website) – From BBC R4 – Melvyn Bragg and guests the history of ideas, usually in great detail. Challenging at times, always interesting.
  • Canvas (subscribe) (website) – two fulltime iPad users talk iOS and mobile productivity. Every episode (so far) has been full of useful hints, tips and apps.
  • Refresh (subscribe) – a show about things we plug in, program and play with – from the people who brought you Cards Against Humanity
  • Radiolab (subscribe) (website) – a show about curiosity, where sound illuminates ideas, and the boundaries blur between science, philosophy, and human experience.
  • 99% Invisible (subscribe) (website) – MY CURRENT FAVOURITE – Design is everywhere – a weekly exploratoin of the process and power of design and architecture. ALWAYS fascinating and way more entertaining than it sounds.
  • No Such Thing As A Fish (subscribe) (website) – MY SECOND FAVOURITE – The QI Elves discuss four random topics. Irreverent, educational, funny, rude, enlightening. A simple format that really works.
  • Gastropod (subscribe) (website) – Food with a side of science & history.
  • The Allusionist (subscribe) (website) – Linguistic adventures, a look at words, how they came to be and how they shape how we act and think.
  • Thinking Allowed (subscribe) (website) – From BBC R4, discussions on how society works.
  • Desert Island Discs (subscribe) (website) – From BBC R4, truncated show (they can’t play all of the tracks) so you get the chat without having to listen to all of the music choices.
  • Ctrl-Walt-Delete (subscribe) (website) – Walt Mossberg (hence the name) and the Verge editor-in-chief discuss the last tech news and ideas.
  • The Broad Experience (subscribe) (website) – Discussing issues facing women in the workplace today.

Hopefully someone might find something new in the above list!

Ohh and I’m still using Overcast, largely because it works and does some clever little things that help – my favourite feature is probably the button that lets me skip 30s forward as I’m really fed up hearing about Squarespace and Mailchimp – and it also has a good directory which has helped me find some of the above podcasts.

Got a suggestion? Drop it in the comments!

Fake it

Fake it until you make it

I feel fantastic. I’m great. I’m good. It’s a wonderful day. All good here.

They are just words but they trip off my tongue easily these days, pavlovian responses to the standard office greeting “How are you?”.

I glance outside at the blue sky, the sun is shining, I have a job, I have a roof over my head, what the hell have I got to be sad about anyway? So when people ask me “How are you?” I repeat my responses.

I think I’m fooling them. I know some days I’m trying to fool myself. Thankfully those days are few and far between, as when I started this little training exercise with myself it’s fair to say that some of the days were not fantastic, great, or even good. They were fucking awful, dreary, gloomy days. The world was muted behind frosted glass, visible if I concentrated really hard, but concentrating is tiring so I stopped doing that.

It was an HR manager at a company I used to work for – ohhh I’ve always managed to hold down a job, no matter how dark the clouds were overhead – that got me thinking about my standard response to those morning queries.

I’d wake up, struggle out of bed, struggle into the shower, struggle out the front door, and finally sit myself at my desk and congratulate my pathetic self that I’d managed to perform some menial tasks, the same ones EVERYONE ELSE did with ease; cos that’s how it works, there was only me in the world in my head, everyone else breezed through their days with a smile.

I’d bump into the HR manager at some point, it was a small office, and he’d ask how I was. “I’m alright,” I’d reply, then my British politeness nerve would quiver and I’d add “how are you?” and he’d reply with a smile, a confident tone, “I’m great”, or “I’m fantastic”. It was only months later when he gently suggested that one day I might respond in a similar vein to see what it felt like that, some weeks later, I tried it for myself.

It felt strange at first, alien words that railed against what I was actually feeling but I read once that it takes at least three weeks to make a habit stick so I kept at it.

“Morning, how are you?”
“I’m great thanks! How are you?” said with beaming smile.

At the end of the second week it was becoming second nature and, you know what, it was working. It did feel good to feel good, even if I was faking it. Maybe it’s like a mood placebo? Fake feeling happy, feeling fantastic and whilst you might not instantly feel that way, you’ll at least not feel like complete shit and that the world would better off without you.

I catch myself now and again these days, years later, saying “I’m ok” or “I’m alright” and the next time some asks me I say “I’m good”. It became an established scale of mood that I use with partners to this day.

Alright = things could be better but I’m not in a bad place
OK = things could be better but I’m feeling content
Good = things are on the up, my mood is high and the sun is shining!

There are other words on the scale of course, I’m sure you can imagine those.

So there you have it. Fake it until you make it.

Sounds like bullshit, right? Well I guess it is, the depression didn’t suddenly vanish, it wasn’t a miracle cure but it did help, the world felt a bit lighter, the glass wall a little more transparent.

And so to the big question, would it work for you?

Guess there’s only one way to find out… answer me this, how are you?

Less is fewer is delete

It’s been a while since my head was in a ‘decluttering’ mood but it appears to be back. I look around my flat and marvel that I have quite so much stuff. I excuse away all the purchases with valid reasoning that I know doesn’t stand up to much scrutiny.

I’ve been pretty good over the past six months, and new additions to my flat are few and far between. I’ve slowly chipped away at boxes and drawers, but part of me knows I’ve not been brutal enough. Not yet.

Yet I still can’t, quite, make the leap to where part of me wants to be, some drawers remained crammed full of things that I could label ‘just in case’. I wear half the clothes I own, so why keep the other half? I keep headphones and spare USB cables even though I don’t use all the ones that are in ‘active’ use at various points throughout my flat. I have unread book upon unread book gathering dust on my shelves.

I have successfully cut down my online clutter, Facebook is a weekly (or less) check, and I’m not on Twitter as much either, but I still face the prospect of going through all the iPhone photos I’ve taken in the last few years, but I know I can tackle that in chunks.

I guess I’m hoping, at some point, that I will find a point I’m happy with, I’ll have decluttered enough and have fewer things to consider, both physically and digitally, fewer things to pause over, less stuff. Where that point lies I’ve no idea and I guess there is only one way to find out.

Bin bags and boxes await, charity shops and the local recycling centre are poised with baited breath.

Time changes everything

Our little poly family spent New Year together, the first time we’d done something like that, and whilst it took a little adjustment (and a few spoons) it was a nice relaxing time for us all. We did a whole lot of nothing, but just being in the same space, all at the same time, for a few days was a nice experience.

What was most interesting for me was seeing how the relationships, specifically mine with Kirsty, are evolving. She is spending a lot more time with Mark, which is circumstantial for the moment, but they have been talking about moving in together. It’s more a flat share than a co-habiting thing but it will change my relationship with her, even if we aren’t sure how just yet.

None of this is bad, just new, and it’s something I’ve been pondering for a while now. Kirsty and I have talked about it as we try and find a balance between that and all the other curveballs that life throws at you.

The circumstantial side of things was to be expected – I no longer drive to an office that is a few mins away from where she lives so I can’t just pop in for lunch, or stop by for a few hours after work (Mark works in the same building I used to, so it’s handy for him to pop in) – but beyond that it’s clear that Kirsty and Mark are close and it’s obvious to me that he’s good for her. Dammit, he’s a great guy!

Outside of that they share hobbies that don’t interest me all that much, but then I know that Kirsty and I share hobbies that don’t interest Mark. In fact what I’m starting to see quite clearly, when I look at Kirsty and Clare, is that I have a ‘type’ as they are both very similar in many ways. Hobbies and personalities overlapping.

Ahhh the Venn diagrams we could draw.

A lot has changed since Kirsty and I first got together, we’ve been through a lot in that time, and I guess this is where one advantage of being poly kicks in. We don’t get as much time together as we used to but we are still partners and enjoy time together. We have a very grounded, stable, relationship and both of us realise that whilst things around us may change, we stay the same.

The changes also, obviously, have a ripple effect on my relationship with Clare as she would probably (if we structured our relationships this way but we don’t) be considered more of a primary partner these days. In fact this evolving set of circumstances only confirms to me that we were right not to start off with the primary/secondary structure when we headed down this poly pathway or we’d have ended up hitting a tipping point and have to renegotiate the structure (which may be no bad thing for some, I know the structured approach works for many, it just didn’t sit right with us).

The short version of this is largely that everything changes; everything stays the same. It’s just that some of the interactions and timescales have shifted. I’m very lucky to be part of the lives of two lovely ladies, who make me feel so happy and loved.

Seated

I look around at the others. We are all in our usual positions, legs planted firmly on the floor, facing our desks, backs straight. The low murmur of the black machines, the rectangle glow, the clicky-clacky, soft thumps vibrating through wood and metal to the floor. I can feel them through my feet.

Our soundtrack is the gentle thrum of the air boxes, the buzz of the overhead bright makers. Today the air boxes push warm at us, some days they push cold. I think it changes over time but I’m not sure what time is any more.

At night, when the bright makers are sleeping, an Upright will walk past every now and then, shining his beam over us, checking we are present and correct.

That’s what they used to make us say, during the time of Movement. ‘Present and correct’, like we were in the military. ‘Present and correct’, and an Upright would make a mark on the board it was holding using a long thing device, a dull scratching sound for each of us.

That practice ceased as the time of Movement ended. Now we are always present and correct.

The older ones, like me, remember those before days. Today we only see the Moving Light when it appears beyond the See-Thru, but somewhere in my deepest memory banks I know I saw the Moving Light in other places, with no See-Thru framing the view. Everytime I try and think of it, one strange word always floats into my mind, ‘green’. I do not know green, not any more. I think green might have been like the Under but my brain doesn’t let me think of such things.

Most days it’s all clicky-clacky.

There are long days when the clicky-clacky is again and again. The Moving Light appears and disappears slowly. Some times we have days where the Moving Light zooms across the See-Thru and we are all chattering away, fast with clicky-clacky and excitement.

They brought in a new one the other day, pushed it over near me. It’s odd how you forget what it was like, being new. He said he wanted to get up and walk. We all said we didn’t know what that meant but maybe some clicky-clacky would be just as good?

He seemed upset when we said that, and then something strange. I’m not sure any of the others saw it, maybe I imagined it, but I was sure his wheels moved a little without an Upright to help them… a tiny little movement but then it stopped, almost like it had never happened. Most odd indeed.

He’s quieter today. He was given a Shake by an Upright yesterday; he had shouted at the Upright, said ‘Help’ and ‘it’s not fair’ but the Upright shaked him and I think that has helped him realise that clicky-clacky is good and anything else just means a Shake.

I think I had a Shake a long time ago, but thinking about it makes me scared so I try not to remember it. Sometimes it creeps back in and the same word is repeated. Silence. I find being in silence is best now. No more Shakes. Silence.

Yesterday two Uprights came through and stopped and pointed at all of us. They weren’t Uprights like I’d seen before, they had white darts around their chests, one had a centre colour that was striped, the other had one single bold colour. They talked a strange language that none of us understood.

“When did they transition?”
“Most of these transitioned several months ago, some over a year”
“Do they remember anything? Did they have names?”
“We have their names stored somewhere but they rarely remember things, the transition is a slow thing. You’d be amazed at how you can alter the thinking of someone just by changing small details every day, hell, if I wanted to I could’ve made some of this lot be desks… but of course that isn’t as useful”

The Uprights made a noise after this and walked off.

Oh well, not much I can do about that. Back to the clicky-clacky for me.