The boot camp I recently signed up for includes a session on nutrition to make sure we are eating properly. The sessions is more about having energy to do the boot camp activities than to prescribe a diet, but I’m already thinking that I should also use it to hack my eating habits.

I don’t treat my body well and it no longer feels like it is indestructible, the myriad of little aches and pains I notice throughout the day a sure sign I need to be a bit smarter, both with what I do with my body and what I put in it (FNAR!).

Part of this is education. I’ve a reasonable grasp on the basics of good nutrition and a balanced diet, or at least that’s what I tell myself, no doubt I could stand to learn more.

Given that boot camp lasts for 10 weeks I’m wondering what other changes I could make to my diet and eating habits.

My initial thought was to omit alcohol but as I hardly have any (almost none) from one week to another as it is, it wouldn’t really be that much of a stretch.

Instead I’m thinking I’ll omit sugar, at least in its most obvious guises of chocolate and sweets. I’m terrible for grazing the never ending supply of sweets and biscuits that appear at work and I always seem to manage to squeeze in a dessert at the end of a meal. So, for the 10 weeks of boot camp, I will avoid such things!.

I retain the right to have a thin smear of jam on toast (or as part of a PBJ) but aside from that I’ll eschew all other forms of non-natural sugar (refined? is that the phrase I should be using? See, edumachashun is what I be needings).

I am mindful that boot camp isn’t a magic wand. It won’t fix everything I need to with my diet and exercise habits but the simple fact is that it’s (another) first step. Let’s see where I end up in 10 weeks time.

Last Sunday I had to pop in to my parents place to pick something up and, as I was down that way, I decided to go for a drive. I had no destination in mind but had all afternoon to kill and made my decisions as they came to me. So it was I came to find myself at Levengrove Park, the memories flooded back as I parked the car…

… bumping over the low kerb onto the pavement, my hand poised on the seat belt release in anticipation. As the car eases to a stop, I push the latch to freedom. I reach over and do the same for my sister and we clamber out. Behind us, Sintra paces the back and forth, she knows where we are now and is excited to be released. She has only one thing on her mind.

It’s same every time we visit. The minute the hatchback is opened she’s off, leaping out, already turning towards the park before she lands, a blur of gold and elated doggy smiles. We run after her – leaving parents behind to gather up coats, a frisbee, and whatever else that adults think we might need – knowing where she’s going to be as she disappears off down the hill.

Four legs versus two is never fair and try as I might I can’t match her. I lag behind, stopping now and then to let my sister catch up, then taking off again in the vain hope that I’ve suddenly turned into Alan Wells. We run across the grass and down to the water.

By the time we arrive at the top of the steps she’s already waded out, up to her shoulders in the icy water. We call her back and she dutifully obeys, but only because she knows we have only just got started. We clamber down the worn stone steps and from the sandy shore we start lobbing stones out into the water beyond, the mighty River Clyde, and she gamefully tries to retrieve them, over and over again, snapping at the water in vain.

Eventually we tire, our arms are heavy, and after a final swim Sintra returns to us and a new game begins. We run away. Knowing she’ll only shake herself dry when she’s near us we deploy the usual tactic, head for Mum and Dad and hope Sintra stops there so we can run beyond them and remain dry. It rarely works of course, never underestimate an excited damp dog who wants to join in the fun.

The beach explored, we head up across the grass to the swings…

… the wrought iron roundabout is gone now, as is the old metal train and the big slide. There is no concrete to fall on, and everything looks safe and modern.

Beyond the swings are further memories, times spent in the park with friends, but as I walked around the ghosts gently followed me, calling out my childhood, and all the vivid recollections of sunny days, and snowy winters came flooding back. What a wonderful childhood I had, full of joy and happiness.

And a salty wet dog panting in my ear on the car ride back home.

Entry number 792 in the ongoing get fit and lose weight campaign

In this year of two thousand and seventeen I find myself, once again, looking to lose weight. I have pondered various options.

Option 1: Walk home from work

It’d take me about an hour to walk home. I have multiple podcasts to listen to and I enjoy walking. I’ve always enjoyed walking. I like to walk.

But it’s Scotland and whilst I don’t mind some weather, we get ALL the weather in January and February so my appetite for walking home at the end of the day is not helped by freezing gales and horizontal sleet.

BUT the weather is really just an excuse. I need to do this.

Option 2: Join a gym

Ugh, bleck, meh.

I do not enjoy gyms. I have been an irregular gym user for some time and it always ends up boring me. Regardless of what I try I end up doing the same things over and over. I do my best to game myself, to motivate myself and whilst tracking my progress helps (I enjoy challenging myself) it always fizzles out as the excuses roll in.

Option 3: Jog

I’d love to go jogging again but scar tissue under a kneecap prevents it (I CAN run but it’s painful during and for a few days afterwards). I loved jogScotland when I did it, and long term I have physio exercises to do which are helping, I just don’t do them often enough.

Option 4: Surgery

I carry my weight in my stomach. I’ll admit I have been tempted to just slice it all off, one quick hack with a sharp blade and goodbye beer belly! (well, technically it’s pizza and sweets belly but let’s not split hairs). Sure I should probably get it done by a surgeon but how hard can it be?!

I’m kidding of course, I have not considered surgery in any serious way. But as a quick fix, how wonderful it could be! Decades of mistreating my body fixed with one ‘quick’ operation!!

Option 5: Boot Camp

And finally to the crux of this post. I have signed up to do a 10 week long ‘Boot Camp’. Two sessions a week of god knows what, every Wednesday evening and Saturday mornings (at 9am! UNGODLY!!).

But for me, importantly, it’s with a group of other people. I know that’s where I function best, where camaraderie and competition meet. It was the one thing that kept me going to along to jogScotland (well that or the hill sprints… not!).

I’m looking forward to it in a nervously excited way. I have already warned my coworkers that I may not be able to walk on a Thursday morning, but aside from that I’m hoping it’s the start of a better year fitness wise.

Why now?

I need to properly invest in my health. I’m 43, have a sore knee and ITB pain in my right hip. I spend far too long sitting down, don’t stretch often enough, and whilst meditiation and mindfulness are helping my brain, I need to give my own body some love.

And that’s the key to it I think. I need to love my body. I haven’t for a long time, and whilst I adorn it with tattoos, I realise that part of my reasoning is to distract from the parts of me I don’t like.

No-one else is going to fix this. I’ve done this to myself, and it’s me that needs to undo it as best I can. Turns out my new year resolution is to stop thinking about stuff and, in a nicely exercise related and trademarked slogan, Just Do It.

So Boot Camp it is, here’s hoping it’s the kick I need.

I am done with decluttering, done, I say!

Hmmm … perhaps that was a little strident. How about this; I’ve done enough that I can now start packing and move to my new flat. Yes, that seems more accurate.

At this juncture I should point out that I am, of course, using the word done in the more modern, eye rollingly teenage angsty way of being ‘so done’ with something. I’m, like, totally over it, yeah? (in my head that sounds way more Clueless than I’d realised. As if!).

I should also confess that I’m using the apparent difference in “being done” and “being finished” to put off making decisions about some of the more, well, frivolous items I own and whether or not to get rid of them.

I’ve decluttered my clothes, my crockery, my glassware, and my books. I’ve donated DVDs, sold some furniture, and cried my way through a couple of nights reading old letters from my Gran, browsing old photos and mementos, largely sorting through my emotions. Throughout this entire process this has been the hardest part, confronting my ghosts and myself. This Is My Life, minus the dulcet tones of Eamonn Andrews.

So with all of that done (there’s that word again) I’m left with said frivolous, un-useful, dust gathering items that I own because they make me happy – by now I’m keenly aware of the importance of tense, made is no longer part of the vocabulary, the past needs to stay there – things like my Film/Song/Book maps which I’m not sure I have the wall space for in the new place. Things like my Lego R2-D2 and Lego Space Shuttle, things like the three small busts my Uncle sculpted (three old men aptly named Hamish’s Hikers), things like the picture of my niece as a baby in a ‘favourite Uncle’ frame, things like the toy Hobbes that Kirsty gave me, or the wooden sculpture (The Thinker) that came from my (ex)in-laws.

The last few weeks have taught me a lot about myself and given me more of a desire to learn to look forward and not dwell on what is behind me. As a perennial over-the-shoulder-gazer this is not as easy as it sounds but I’m determined to learn from this. In a revelation that will be absolutely no surprise to anyone, I’ve (finally?) figured out that the decisions I’ve made may not always be the right ones but hindsight doesn’t change them, so I have to look forward and hope to make better decisions in the future, all the while knowing that I probably won’t but, hey, what’s the alternative? *

The coming weeks will see me box up my remaning belongings and start moving them to the new flat. By the end of the month I will be moved and can start adjusting my day to day to the new space; Where will I put my keys when I get home? Will the new sofa be as comfy as the old one? Why doesn’t the kitchen have at least one shelf that is cereal box height?

Such is the way of things, I’ve moved home often enough to know I’ll adjust and in a few weeks time I’ll have settled in. Just as I know that time will render this period a dull memory, and it will be the frivolous things I take with me that will burst through, puncturing the nothingness with their vivid emotions, the oil-slicked puddle in a shard of sunlight.

Where these things will fit in my new home I have no idea but they will go with me regardless. They are as much a part of me as I know, not by definition but extension. A hint at my past as I look forward with yet another new start, a fond nodding of the head, the gentle smile of melancholy.

Good or bad they will go with me. These frivolous things in their boxes.

* There is a construct in here built around perception and expectation, both things I’ve struggled with/against in the past. But life is too short, far far too short and I really need to stop these things rattling around in my head. And yes, as I grow older I have fewer fucks to give about the expectation and perception of how I live my life so I reserve the right to change my mind on all of this.

And then it was March. I know February is the shortest month but holy jeez how is it MARCH already!!

Lived

Highlights

I have a new flat to move into! After several viewings, most of which were just ‘not good’ the first one I saw was the best option. Cheaper, and a lot smaller, than my current place, I am midst mass declutter as I type.

Still going along to guided meditation and have started doing a little at home (using the Buddhify app to help). I’m not sure if he’s helping in the day-to-day much yet, but the sessions do leave me feeling lighter.

Stepcount: 279,086.

Also
I’ll just mention the Scottish Rugby team here and leave it at that.

Read

Highlight – The Sudden Appearance of Hope by Claire North
My choice for book club, largely because I enjoyed her last novel – The First Fifteen Lives of Harry August – and a slightly surreal one. Set in current times, the story follows Hope Arden, a woman who no-one remembers, as she lies, cheats, thieves her way through her life before being given a chance at, finally, being remembered. Clever concept which touches on elements of Autistic/Aspbergers syndromes, the current reliance on smart phones, and the prevailing ‘be better/be more’ lifestyles that we are supposed to aspire to. Left me wondering about how people will remember me and challenging my own desires to ‘be better’ (shouldn’t I just be ‘me’?).

Also good

The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying by Marie Kondo
Previously mentioned last month, it’s proven timely in my desire to declutter. Don’t get me wrong, this is not a life changing book but reaffirms some basic notions and helped me get through some of the more emotional decisions I’ve had to make (see previous blog post)

Watched

Highlight – T2: Trainspotting

I had tried to avoid the trailers and the hype, and set my expectations low as there is no way they could’ve hoped to revisit the iconic first movie. That said, it’s great. An intelligent, sophisticated update of the storyline, letting the characters age and the resulting chaos feels apt without being over wrought. Great performances throughout, but Ewan Bremner was the stand out for me.

Have to admit I am very intrigued to find out what non-Scottish audiences took from the “1690” scene though, having grown up in the West of Scotland it was pitch perfect in a hilariously scary way.

Note: The scene with the cash line machines, I work about 200m from there!

Also good

John Wick 2 – Utterly violent nonsense but delivered with a knowing sense of style, a simple story line and an excellent physical performance by Keanu Reeves. He’s never gonna be considered a great actor in terms of delivery, but if you do watch this, compare his portrayal of Wick versus Neo from the Matrix. Neo is smart, light, fluid, almost perfect. Wick is heavy, solid and formidable (watch as he clumsily pets his beloved dog). Subtle stuff.

The People v O.J. Simpson (Netflix)
Finally got around to watching this dramatisation and it made me realise how little I knew about what actually happened. I was aware of elements of it but more by osmosis than being tuned in to it at the time. Some good acting mixed with the jarring Travolta.

OJ: Made in America (iPlayer)
I watched this after the dramatisation (above) and seeing the facts laid out… how did he get off? Interesting following on if you picked up on my documentary recommendation from last month too (13th on Netflix).

Listened

Highlight – Pinegrove

Nothing new this month (not really had time) but Pinegrove have been on heavy rotation, largely due to the fact I saw them live last weekend. Lyrically interesting, musically very mid-America feeling (think Band of Horses) but live they come across with much more of a punk attitude than their albums convey.

Pop culture.

Words used.

Origin unknown.

Meanings conferred.

Brewed in the brain.

Subtleties lost.

Twisted timelines.

Asian whispers.

Playground offices.

Stolen.

Misused.

Appropriated.

Triggered disconnects.

Global memes.

Memories merging.

Pasts colliding.

A nip of this.

Media unknown.

Mix well.

Pilfered accents.

References mashed.

A dash of that.

Decades apart.

Lifetimes passed.

Fashion disregarded.

Delivered without pause.

“Bite me” has returned to my lexicon.

Reasons escape me.