Month: January 2016

Reading and Writing

It’s a vicious cycle, debilitating one moment, inspiring the next, it feeds my desire to learn and slowly pulls at the insecurity of my abilities. It is fuel on the fire, stoking my passion to explore my own literary ideas. It is the pulled thread, unravelling my dreams.

Is this what it is to be a writer? To be found reading with wonderous awe as a story gathers pace before your eyes, the skilled manipulation of the reader crafted through each sentence, each line of dialogue pulling you deeper into the world the writer has created. The slow, building sense of envy, as I reflect on my own bludgeoning attempts at the same.

As the days pass, I flip flop between these poles, repelled one day, attracted the next. Both strong forces, equal in strength, that can’t be mastered; they are in my DNA, hard coded and irrevocable.

I’ve managed to maintain my reading habit since those first quiet days of the new year, I’m choosing my books with some care for the moment, re-reading an old favourite, re-visiting childhood memories (unaware if I ever read the BFG or if it was always on the periphery of my library going).

Perhaps too carefully though; these writers seem to offer easy words, a flowing tumult of imagery, plot and pacing wash over me, serving to further highlight my inferiority. I should not hold my candle up to the roaring infernos of Dahl, King, and Christie.

Yet, each time I do I find the embers of my meagre offerings glow a little brighter, small flickering flames leap up from the ashes and whisper of hope. It is enough, it is always enough, to push me to battle on.

I read because I write. I write because I read. It wasn’t always so, it does seem like a new normal is being established.

I am Dolly Parton

This post is brought to you by the Dolly Parton song ‘Nine to Five’. You’re welcome (hey, it’s been stuck in my head for days now, just thought I’d share the joy).

As I think I’ve mentioned, I got a new job late last year. I now work in a big office (well, two, actually) for a large business (no names!). It’s been quite a learning experiencing and a lot of change; it’s my first foray into the world of contracting, it’s a more defined role than I’ve had in years, and it’s in an environment which has a dress code, a clean desk policy, and which is about as far removed from the software company I used to work for that I could imagine (although I’m still working on a software project).

Most crucially, as I’m not salaried, I’m keeping to 9 to 5 (well 8.30 to 4.30ish) and my laptop remains locked away in my locker at work. No working at home for me, no adjusting my hours if I have a dentist appointment, and by and large I’m enjoying that aspect of things.

I am NOT enjoying having to use Windows, nor the very restrictive internet usage policy that is in place, but these are just things I need to adjust to. What probably irks me the most is that I feel a bit locked out of my personal tech ecosystem as I can’t install any apps outside of those that are approved.

Of course it does mean I’m much more appreciative of all the little in-jokes and whatnot that others have shared on Twitter and in blog posts over the past decade. The fight over the thermostat, the gruff security guards, the ‘someone stole my milk’ shenanigans.

First world problems of course, I am genuinely happy to have a job that pays well, is interesting and I’m getting to work with some good people. Add in the fact that I leave my work at the office (for the first time in 10+ years) and it’s doing a lot for my work/life balance which is probably why I’m so enjoying the adjustment. I am completely out of work mode by the time my 30 minute commute home finishes (on a bus, another change!).

Long may it last!

The strongest art

The other night I watched Under the Skin.

It’s a movie that has been on my radar for a while now after my interest was piqued when I heard it had been filmed in Glasgow, and when I read about some of the approaches to filming – members of the public were used without being aware they were being filmed (they were told later) – and saw that it was getting such mixed reviews, I knew I wanted to see it. Unashamedly ‘art house’ in approach, the reviews had some critics referring to it as a masterpiece and referencing Kubrick (2001: A Space Odyssey), whilst others panned it as indulgent, rambling and largely devoid of direction.

Once I got passed the culture shock of seeing the familiar locations of my home city – including one scene shot on the corner of where my office is – and settled into the movie I found I was intrigued by the pacing. At times the movie held my attention, rapt and focused on the imagery playing out before me, and at others I felt a little lost, what was the point of this scene of, largely, nothing? There are several points in the movie where there is silence and little happening onscreen.

Perhaps this was the point, a deliberate contrast to our modern world of constant distraction, at times it was startling and almost uncomfortable to behold someone doing nothing much in almost silence.

The film is, in essence, a fairly simple and straightforward story (leaving the sci-fi elements aside), but the framing, cinematography, and pacing of the movie all seems very deliberate (in this I can see the Kubrick references, the deliberate attempts to unsettle the viewer), and that is what intrigues me. Not the creation of it, but the ideas behind it, how do you pull something like that, a mixture of visuals and sound, what to show when, and why?

I am not an artist in the fantastical sense, at least I don’t feel like I have it within me. I can imagine this story, but not the visuals which feature in the movie – at least I don’t think I can, but then I’ve never tried – and it is this type of art that attracts me, the type that seems to stem from the type of imagination I don’t possess.

For example, wandering an art gallery I can appreciate the skill in a loving rendered landscape, but it is the pieces that challenge me, that don’t conform to my own world view that stay with me.

In this respect the form matters little, I remain in awe of artists who step outside of the boundaries that I seem to have, of expressing things in a way I can’t see.

Of course, my own view of art does have boundaries, they are vague, inconsistent, and aren’t something I’ve managed to pin down but they definitely exist. I challenge them as best I can, for example I still struggle with installation art that is a representation of something normal, but I’m starting to understand that everyone will view these things differently, and experiencing the art is as much of the ‘art of art’ as the item you are observing. Case in point, Miroslaw Balka’s How It Is at the Tate Modern, a large lightless box that you can walk into, sounds – in words I have used myself – a bit ‘art wank’. But experiencing it, being inside it, turning round and seeing complete and utter darkness, then turning again to see the silhouette of others in the same space, previously unseen, was a far richer and more compelling experience than I had expected. It challenged me and my perceptions about what art is, or at least what it could be.

I still struggle with some things declared as art, and as I tip-toe through these items, from interest towards intrigue, I find myself stopping at the edge of a cliff, looking out at a sea of contemporary art that leaves me cold. It doesn’t challenge me, it seems to exist only to exist, and for me that isn’t art.

Ahah! There, in the last paragraph I also nicely capture something I also dislike within the art world. The idea that one form, one display, of art is lesser than another (I am on a cliff, am I not looking down on everything else?). If all art is subjective, how can that be so? But I am speaking of my own view, my own ever-changing understanding of what art is, and what it means to me.

Over the past few years, as I’ve continued to try and push myself to explore more forms of art, I’m naturally understanding more about what it means to me. I am not one for getting up on a stage and performing, I can draw a little but have no real talent, my musical talent relies on diligent practice (which I won’t do), and whether I can write well, or not, is still undecided, but I appreciate and applaud those that can and do these things.

The question is, are they creating art whilst they do so.

Postscript

I started writing this post immediately after the film ended, with a view to revisiting it before publishing it. I awoke the next day to the sad news that David Bowie had passed away.

In musical terms he fits my artistic preferences. How do you write a song like Space Oddity? I have no earthly idea, and the world is a lesser place for his passing.

Planet Earth is blue.

Welcoming Lucy

18 hrs old

Hello Lucy,

First up I’m really glad that you are no longer bump/wriggles/it; your parents, in their infinite wisdom, decided to leave the discovery of whether you were born a boy or a girl for the big birth day itself. A lovely thing to have that be a surprise, don’t you think? Anyway, apologies, but I referred to you as “it” right up until they told us your name.

But now that they have, hello!

Anyway, Uncle G here, yup, that idiot with the t-shirt, that’s me! Firstly, well done on making it into the world, I know it’s all a bit scary right now but don’t worry, your Mum and Dad will take care of you, protect you, and make sure you are fed, watered and loved. Yeah they’ll screw things up a little and there will come a time (in many-teen years from now) that you won’t really like them but they will always, ALWAYS be there for you, so try and remember that if nothing else.

You’ve already met Gran & Grandad McLean, they are the ones fussing over you because you are their first grandchild! I’ll remind you of this in the coming years, but you really should make the most of that fact, you are gonna get spoiled rotten you are! Not only from the McLean side, and yes I might spoil you a little bit too (don’t tell anyone but I’m a big softie) but I know the Morrisons will be looking forward to spoiling you as well! Win win for you! (Try not to gloat though, no-one likes a gloater, pretend you are embarassed and humbled by the whole thing, yeah? like ‘ohhh another rattling toy? you really shouldn’t have’).

I’ll be honest, I’m not really sure what else to say to you right now, after all you are largely just a tiny little squishy lump that sleeps, cries, eats, poops and sleeps again. To say your conversational skills are limited is an understatement but if you are anything like your Mother it won’t be long before you’ve mastered the art of speaking without pausing for breath, so I guess I should be enjoying the random noises and burbles whilst they last.

That said, I’m sure your Mum will be quick to tell me when you finally speak your first word – bonus points if it’s aardvark by the way!

You are already seem very expressive and in wonderous awe of this new world you’ve discovered, it’s a lot to take in I know so take your time, you have a whole life in front of you and many wonderful experiences ahead, some of which I hope to be a part of, after all you’ll need someone to sneak you your first drink, teach you your first swearword, and generally do all the things which will annoy your Mum, oh yes, little do you know that part of your inheritance has to include winding your Mum up on my behalf (I’m her big brother, it’s my birth right!)… if you need any lessons, just ask your Dad as he’s got it down to a fine art!

Your Mum & Dad are chuffed to bits you are here I know that they will take good care of you. You are their precious little bundle, who just happens to be absolutely gorgeous and as cute as a button!

Anyway, just wanted to say hi, hello and welcome to the world! It’s a pretty amazing place, a bit crappy at times – hey it’s not always gonna be as good as you have it now – but for the most part it’ll be ok. For my part I’ll do my best to listen to you, be honest with you, and not embarass you too much when you turn 18 (by which point I’ll be 60 and will give even fewer shits than I do now, hahaha!!)

I really can’t wait to get to know you, and if you ever need anything – except nappy changes, I’m not an idiot – then your Uncle G will be there for you, always.

Lots of love and tummy zoobers,

Your Uncle G (the idiot with the t-shirt)

P.S. If you read this at a later date (like, when you can actually read) then please note I made no offers of financial help, and that by reading this you accept the tiny (so tiny you can’t even see it) hidden clause that states you will visit me in my dotage and pretend to laugh at my jokes.

P.P.S. Remember, the word is “aardvark”.

Hidden words

I can sense it, sitting there, judging me, mocking me.

It taunts me every day. No good, it says.

I ignore it. Then I think about what it holds and it reveals itself to me further, insights and ideas bloom, a rough patch of ground speckled with wild flowers.

Then it changes.

It changes.

From one day to the next, as the viewing angle skews, it morphs before me, pushing itself into new shapes, the end disappearing further beyond the blur of the middle.

I read. Books that are ‘Glorious, unexpected, superbly written’ (I know this because it says so on the front cover, the words inside echoing the declaration).

I read. Articles that are diligent and focused (I know this because the articles flow, words burble gently towards a well crafted conclusion).

I write. Sprawling blog posts that wriggle away from me. Fish out of water, desperate to breathe.

Still it calls to me. Luring me in, time and again.

Read me, it says. Write me, it says. Love me, it pleads.

I turn back towards it. I commit.

In reply it laughs at how easily I am swayed, and dances off into the spotlight of my fears.

In November I wrote a book. I created a sly troll that in all of its ugly beauty, the terrifying mess holds my gaze. I cannot not look.

I read. I write. I love. I commit.

And slowly – oh so creepingly, painfully, achingly, frustratingly, infuriatingly slowly – it bends to my will.

What’s on my phone?

iOS Geek Out Warning!

Where would I be without my iPhone? Lost. Not literally, my sense of direction isn’t that bad, but given that I use it every day to keep on top of personal email and to do list, I use it to order coffee, listen to podcasts while commuting, it holds my bus pass, and more recently I’ve been using it to pay for items (£30 or under) … it’s pretty much indispensable.

It’s not been immune for my desire to slim down as much of the clutter of life as possible and I’ve been slowly slimming down the number of apps I keep on my phone – although I still seem to have several Photo apps regardless of how little I use them – but with a few considerations I’ve even managed to have a homescreen that has a blank row (which is a little false given the folder I have on there too but hey, little victories and all that).

  

Shuffling apps around, and switching solutions is something I’ve done throughout my time with a smartphone (including my first Windows SPV). I’m always looking for small improvements to my personal working habits and try and keep an eye on app updates and new launches to see if they are better than what I currently have. As such, there have been a few notable omissions/changes (notable to me at least) over the last few weeks which includes removing the Facebook app (for personal reasons) and making the switch from Evernote to Apple Notes.

Take Note

It took me a long time to ‘get’ Evernote, but for me the penny drop when I started using their browser extension that lets you capture information from webpages and emails into Evernote. I’ve used it a lot to keep a running list of ‘things to buy’ (for me and others) and I store useful information there too.

However over the past couple of years Evernote feature development has veered towards business use, not something I can nor want to take advantage of, and the basic feature set has gotten a little bloated. Ultimately, for what I use it for, it’s just feels a bit ‘heavy’.

When Apple announced their revamped Notes app I was intrigued, I tried it out and whilst it is missing a couple of features I’d like to see added – for the love of all things good, let me have parent/child folders! – it does everything I was doing with Evernote.

However, the thought of manually moving 400+ notes over was not an appealing one and whilst I did find a clever script a few months back that looked like it would to help, it didn’t work for me at the time.

Fast forward to late December and I spotted that that script has now been updated. A small download, a double-click and – et voila – it worked first time. If you try it, just let it run even though it looks like it has hung, it is doing something and took about 4 minutes before it threw an error which turned out to be erroneous.

Unfortunately it does leave a little extra text at the foot of each note – metadata from Evernote which is handy as it means you can still search on Evernote tags, it just looks a little unsightly – but it’s nothing I can’t live with and has also prompted me to start going through all of my notes to tidy them up (and delete a lot of stuff I no longer need).

You can get the script here.

Listen to the Music

I’m currently stuck in a bit of quandary.

I tried Apple Music when it first came out but it doesn’t seem massively intuitive and my love of my own playlists just became a frustration so I cancelled my subscription before the end of the free months. However, my new office has limited internet access so I’ve found myself using it with local music (uploaded to my phone via iTunes, which is a clusterfuck I’ll post about another day).

For that usage it’s pretty nice, slick UI for playing albums or tracks, or selecting an Artist. I can make playlists of the MP3s I own (and which are stored on an external hard drive), but that means it’s limited to albums I’ve ripped or downloaded which, as I’ve been using Spotify heavily for the past year, isn’t something I’ve done much of.

I’m not sure where the tipping point will be, and maybe this dual use will continue. Spotify has some wonderful curated playlists, and I can share and collaborate on playlists with others easily too (notably the ‘Glasto 2016’ playlist which we will need to start soon).

So, for now, I’m stuck between two apps which – and I’m very very aware of just how much this is a first world problem – is royally pissing me off. I don’t want two Music apps that do much the same thing!

Aside from that, I’m using iOS more and more, to do more and more things, to the point I’m now pondering why I have a MacBook, and OSX, at all but that too is for another post and another day (to be honest I’m surprised anyone is still reading this post!).