Year: 2013

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And so he starts again, the silence punctuated by the staccato tap tap tap of the keyboard. He moves in his chair to find a comfortable pose and starts to ponder what he might write, what prose he may be able to dredge from his flaccid imagination. Prose indeed, he thinks. Another helping of scorn to add to the pile.

He knows he has to start, that the act is as much a part of the outcome as the words, that until he starts he won’t know where it will go nor where it will end.

Every step is a journey.

No, every journey is a step.

As ever he enjoys playing with naivΓ© imagery and constructs, twisting and pulling to find something between the cracks, weeds of ideas that may have been growing there and maybe, one day, a wildflower will bend into view, gloriously colourful and new.

But not today.

Today is not for the new, but for the act. The tap tap tap of the keyboard gathering speed as he realises all he needs is to keep writing.

He ponders the story of the building, the King like nature of an untold and sinister power. Basic, rote, not worth following but worth revisiting, perhaps there are some seeds there he can cultivate.

Faltering already? It seems so but he remains happy that he started once more.

He is never sure of where it will take him. He knows he enjoys the process regardless of the outcome, most of which remains hidden away, trashed.

He is writing again. For now.

I am happy with this.

Alternative

I spent the weekend with some alternative friends.

What a strange phrase that is, alternative to what? My regular friends? No, just a different grouping of people brought together by a different bond. Although I’d pause at saying some were friends, acquaintances perhaps? But that’s beside the point.

Just as my best friendships all stem from the time we spent together drinking with nurses doing charitable good deeds at Hospital Radio Lennox, so this other group of people are forming around the part of my life I don’t really talk about. In fact none of us really talk about it except to each other, mostly. That sounds very insular, in fact it’s largely the opposite.

There are other definitions of alternative, he said in an attempt to gloss over that last paragraph, and they suggest things which aren’t defined as being the norm.

Which is fine by me. I’ve always enjoyed being different, being on the edge of things rather than part of the crowd and the more I discover about myself, the more I realise it’s a fundamental part of who I am.

It’s easy to fall into a life which is comfortable and easy, that you end up with a happiness that you deserve. That’s no bad thing, but in the long run, for me, it wasn’t what I needed.

Change is never easy, and it’s taken me some time to come to understand how I fit in this little alternative world I find myself inhabiting, but after a couple of years I think I’m beginning to figure it out.

At least until the next new experience where, maybe, everything will change again and, if it does, that’s fine by me. I’ll figure it out and have fun whilst I do.