Month: November 2006

After much deliberation and swithering I ended up taking 5 books with me last week. Well, technically that’s not true. After much deliberation and swithering I ended up packing 3 books and then bought another two at the airport (I know, I know!). So, here are some brief thoughts on the ones I read.

1. The Tipping Point by Malcolm Gladwell.
Always late to the party, this is a book which most people who would want to read it probably already have. So, suffice to say that I found this hugely interesting although not as immediately personal as Blink. Gladwell delivers a lot of fairly complex information in an excellently languid and accessible style, and whilst he is largely standing on the shoulders of other people, his skill as a communicator is what makes his books so readable. If you haven’t read it, read it. It’s utterly fascinating.

2. The Liar by Stephen Fry
Bought on a whim at the airport, and I’ll admit that I was expecting a lot from this book. Whilst it didn’t disappoint (I really should have taken a dictionary with me as well) it wasn’t as smart or funny as I expected. However that’s not to say that it isn’t witty, irreverent, and wonderfully constructed. A wry look at the world of Eton, Harrow and other such ‘institutions’ it has every buggering thing you expect.

3. A Short History of Tractors in Ukrainian by Marina Lewycka
This book now holds a singular place in my book reading history. For the first time ever, whilst waiting to fly home from Malaga airport, I spotted a man that was also reading this book. Ok, not that big a deal.
And I’ll also be honest and say that I’ve not finished this yet, but I’m thoroughly enjoying it and it is already rating highly on the MMLOGOLAAL scale (“Makes Me Laugh Or Giggle Out Loud And Annoys Louise” it’s a very precise rating system).

Other books taken but not read – a Jeffery Deaver (can’t remember which one), some trashy novel by one of those sexy blog ladies (you know the one), and the manual for my new camera. Ohh and I did start reading Girl With a One Track Mind but, frankly, when you are on holiday with your sister-in-law, there are some things which, well, let’s just say they are best left to the imagination. Although I’m intrigued to see that Louise has it on her bedside cabinet…

And whilst we are on the topic of books, congrats to the lovely Clare Sudbery for completing her second book. I’ll be purchasing a signed copy as soon as is possible, mainly because I really enjoyed her last one!

12 tapas,
4 bottles of red wine,
2 jogs along the beach,
3 books (The Tipping Point, The Liar, A Short History of Tractors…),
1.5 litres of Southern Comfort,
247 photos taken (50 or so that are any good)
12 litres of Mahou,
2 days of full sun,
4 warm but cloudy days,
1 delicious Argentinian fillet steak,
2 witches (it was Halloween when we arrived),
1 skint knee (not mine),
1 full moon,
1 power cut,
and 632 emails waiting for me this morning.

In a desperate effort to gain some weird form of validation, I stole an idea for a blog post and begged my readers to ask me a question. And they did. The buggers. Now I have to answer them.

Question 6: mike, from whom I ‘borrowed’ the idea behind these posts, asked me to give “Five Things The Scottish Could Learn From The English, and Five Things The English Could Learn From The Scottish”. Alas I’ve left this one too late to include “How to beat France at football” in my list but, hey, I thought I’d mention it again.

Now, with such tight constraints I’ll obviously have to aim my sights on the stereotypes of both nations and, just so we are all “singing from the same hymn sheet” (ohh god, shoot me now!), we’ll agree that the English are arrogant and selfish and that us Scots are friendly and generous.

What?!

The one thing that holds this post back from being a simple couple of lists, apart from my tendencies to over-think these things, is that there are certain traits that are considered “British”. The unwillingness to complain (or, more accurately, the dislike of ‘making a scene’), the constant apologies for things that aren’t our fault (yes, I too apologise when someone else steps on MY foot) and the drinking of tea to cure all ills.. that kind of thing, all “British” traits.

So I’ve had to look pretty deep into the psyche of both countries, and the following is taken from personal experience of having lived “dahn sarf” for a couple of years. A Scot amongst men you might say…

Five Things The Scottish Could Learn From The English

1. Confidence – We revel in being the underdog and, for the most part, it serves us well. We are a nation of infrequent over-achievers and yes, I’m going to mention beating France at football again.
2. Being Gay – you get Stephen Fry, we get those two twats from daytime DIY programs (Craig and.. thingy)
3. Pubs – one glaring difference in the attitude towards the pub. In Scotland a pub is for drinking in, a place to get away and meet some acquaintances. In England the local has a much more ‘family’ feel to it. Not a bad thing, every community needs a centre… ok, so maybe a pub isn’t the BEST place but it’s a start.
4. Sundays – Sunday lunch, a quiet day with few shops open. Yes it DOES make a difference.
5. Nope… I’m out… anyone??

Five Things The English Could Learn From The Scottish
Only five? Really?? Damn, this is much easier than… yeah, you get it.

1. Humility – confidence is one thing but it too frequently spills over into arrogance and that’s not a very nice trait. Whilst it does begin to grate when you are STILL celebrating winning the World Cup over 40 fuckin’ years ago.
2. Square sausage – if you know, you know. If you don’t, get some!
3. How to drink – or more accurately, why allowing pubs to stay open longer STOPS everyone cramming as much alcohol down their necks on a Friday night before the pubs shut. Up here we are much more civilised about it.
4. Kilts – they are NOT skirts. You know that feeling when you put on your best suit, multiply that by ten when you’ve got some tartan swinging round yer knees!
5. How to talk proper like – there is a reason why the more tempered Scottish lilt is rated as one of the nicer accents in the world. Plus we actually make an effort to pronounce all the letters in a word.

Contentious? Possibly, so feel free to suggest others, I very much doubt that this is an exhaustive list, and I very much doubt that broad agreement will ever be reached anyway. You sassenachs are an argumentative bunch…

In a desperate effort to gain some weird form of validation, I stole an idea for a blog post and begged my readers to ask me a question. And they did. The buggers. Now I have to answer them.

Question 5: Peter the pedant picked up on my poor planning to ask “Time travel for bloggers. (Like – how to suggest a title for Saturday’s post at 1700 on Sunday)”.

Time travel for bloggers

These days most blogging tools allow you to pre-date a post, giving you the opportunity to schedule several posts in advance and then disappear off to Spain for a week, knowing that your rabid audience will be fed their usual diet of nonsense whilst you are away. It’s a very handy feature.

This ‘time travel’ is, of course, little more than a technical trick but what if a blogger COULD time travel? Where would the best place, sorry, the best time, for a blogger to go?

It’d have to be in the future of course, although I guess you could go back about 10 years or so, maybe 15 but not much further or you’ll be pre-internet and most definitely pre-blog! So, off to the future we head, but where?

Over to you lot I think. Where would you go? How far into the future? 1 week, 1 month, 1 year?

Would you visit yourself regardless of the potential for disruption to the very fabric of the space time continuum, and destruction of the entire universe? Would you visit another blogger perhaps? Or would you visit any old random place and time in the vague hope that it still existed? (and what happens if you suddenly appear in a time and space that doesn’t exist… er… what? confusing myself now..)

The main problem with visiting the future is that we don’t know what it holds, so choose carefully. I’d hate for you to get any nasty surprises.

So my time-travelling bloggers, where will YOU go?