Sometimes at night the darkness and silence weighs on me.
Peace frightens me.
Perhaps I fear it most of all.
I feel it’s only a facade, hiding the face of hell.
I think of what’s in store for my children tomorrow;
“The world will be wonderful”, they say;
but from whose viewpoint?
We need to live in a state of suspended animation,
like a work of art;
in a state of enchantment…
Neil Hannon – The Divine
Connection is made, the words strike me. The search for utopian ideals, one that has eluded so many before me, continues. It remains constant, unreachable. A need to retreat, to hide.
“The hurt of lost,
the longing of one,
the distance from those,
I wrote those four lines a long time ago, and have since found many different meanings for them.
It’s funny, I don’t consider myself a loner, I enjoy company too much for that, but sometimes I HAVE to be alone, whether its just a case of slipping off somewhere with a book, or throwing on the headphones, closing my eyes, and ending up somewhere different altogether. A past favourite was walking up into the hills behind where I used to live, getting off the path. No-one around, just the sound of the wind.
Contemplation, reflection, silence. Sometimes difficult to achieve, sometimes hard to resist, often too easy to get dragged into. Small pauses in daily life, thinking (dreaming?).
Detachment from life is easy, keeping yourself grounded is the challenge. Creating your own existence, your own sphere. Creating distance is no challenge. The distance can help, and hinder at the same time, but is always attainable. How it is used is the issue. The big picture is the aim. Looking down is to abuse the distance.
Lost direction a bit, paused again. What am I trying to say? Anything? Nothing? SomeTHiNG?