I’ve had insomnia on and off for years but in the last year or so it’s started to occur more frequently.

I’m starting to figure it out though and it’s definitely work related. It seems that, during periods of high stress, my insomnia kicks in.

Beyond that I’m a bit hazy about why I wake at 4 or 5 in the morning, wide awake, regardless of when I went to sleep. I’m trying to track how fatigued or tired I feel at the moment to see if there is a pattern there but all that’s really doing is highlighting the things I stress and worry about and, obviously, that then allows my brain to focus on them and worry and stress some more!

There is possibly an element of decision fatigue at play as well, my new role demands much more in that respect, and as I’m still learning it, each decision is harder to make (takes more energy). Whilst the team size is no larger than in my previous role, at least there the decisions were easier as I had 15-odd years experience in that role.

Part of it is definitely down to the additional timezones I now have to work with, particularly as the overlap with California is so small. It makes each day that little bit longer, and each communication point and decision that little bit trickier to negotiate.

What to do?

Well I’m exercising more, trying to stagger my start times (later) to accommodate conference calls with the US, and largely doing what I can to be more organised as I know part of my stress is worrying that I’ve forgotten something!

I’m also hoping a holiday will help, roll on Glastonbury!

bookmark_borderHo Ho Holy Shit… December

I am having fun.

This must be true because time is flying, it seems like only yesterday we were wandering round Edinburgh Zoo! Since then, we’ve had gigs, trips to London and Manchester and, all of a sudden, it’s December and Christmas looms large.

Most years I’d take this week and next week to slowly get up to speed, get the cards written and posted, get the Christmas tree up, buy and wrap pressies and all that nonsense but unfortunately I’m already running out of time.

This week, I have this evening and Thursday evening free. Friday afternoon/evening is our team Xmas lunch which means Saturday will likely find me a little hungover and on Sunday, at around 6.30am, I’ll be at the airport ready to fly off for a week in the US of A. California for a couple of days, Massachusetts for a couple of days and then back home at 8am on the following Saturday… just in time for the Company Christmas Party that night!

It’s been a funny old year. Life has thrown some curveballs and in keeping with the well-known saying we made curveade… no, that’s not right… whatever, it’s been more ups and downs and as ever I wouldn’t change a thing, it’s all part of the journey.

As I’ve said to many others this past year, I’m happy. And that is all that really matters. I have a wonderful woman in my life who loves me, I have a good job, I have the best friends and a supportive family. It’s true, I’m a lucky son of a bitch!

Of course, that doesn’t mean things couldn’t be better. I’m still struggling to lose weight, I plateau’d around June but I’m taking some solace that it’s not gone back on, and I still can’t play the guitar.

Regardless, I feel like I know myself better. My sense of identity is stronger, and I feel like I’m finding my place in this weird world we live in.

I’ll admit it. It’s good to be me.

bookmark_borderGetting around

Boston in the fall. Lovely, even though I only had a few hours to wander the streets and take the duck tour. Gorgeous place, friendly people, definitely one to revisit.  I was a little bit spoiled by the fact it was around 21C in glorious sunshine but, nevertheless, Boston has a charm that is almost European (understandably so). Winding streets, glorious parklands, and an air of history. Yes, I liked Boston very much indeed.

Chicago in the fall. Grey, cold and regimental. Whilst it was nice to have the opportunity to visit (I was visiting some of our customers in the US of A last week) I was less than impressed with Chicago. Again, the weather played a part but the city itself seemed very anonymous. Again, I only had a few hours to wander so without doubt I didn’t get the best of what it could offer but I won’t be hurrying back.

It’s been a hectic month. Between struggling to build a website (I’m a month behind schedule, which I hate), things at work being even more mental than normal (which is a good thing, we are TOO busy), and the last week of travel (London, Boston, Chicago in the same week), suffice to say I’m reeling a bit.

Hopefully the next couple of weeks will ease me into December nicely, and then onto 2012.

bookmark_borderapple uk tv shows

Fire up your iTunes Store, Apple have started selling episodes of TV shows. All your favourite stuff from US TV that you’ve… umm.. already downloaded and watched because why SHOULD we wait until it airs on UK TV?! Idiots. This does not stop piracy. When WILL they learn.

bookmark_borderHit me, baby, one more time

Another tragic day in the US, another gun related crime (amongst many).

The same arguments will be wheeled out, debated, and forgotten as we move on with our daily lives, the blessing of the unaffected.

Spare a moment, a thought, for those who won’t be able to move on, who will suffer, who are in pain.

And then pause and wonder when it will change. If it will change. Will it change? Will it? How long must it take? How many dead bodies need to be piled up?