Dentist this morning, a hygienist visit only thankfully (no I don’t floss enough, I know, I know) then the car goes into the garage this afternoon to get a bump stop replaced. I think. It may be two bump stops. I’m not sure. It’s under warranty and has something to do with the suspension. After that I know nothing, which is exactly how car manufacturers want it these days and I guess I’m quite happy with the state of things too as I’ve not been bothered enough to go and find out what it is (mainly because, hey, it’s free).

As such I’m working at home today, which means I get to hear Ollie getting stuck in a large brown paper bag, and then ripping his way out. Alas no photos as I was upstairs and he was down. All I heard was the noise and by the time I got there a small slightly sheepish looking cat was glaring at the remnants of the paper bag.

The weekend was good, got loads done on Saturday including by some new shirts for work. I bought several from one store (all of the same brand and size, just different designs) and for some reason only half of them fit. Grrrrrr. Still that should really be my incentive to start losing weight.

Speaking of which I have started doing some basic exercises aimed at improving my flexibility, which shouldn’t be hard as I’m as rigid as a board most of the time, and toning up those muscles I’ve not used since October. My arms and legs are a little sore today but that’s fine.

My stomach is also sore, as are my sides and my face, again remnants of the weekend as Saturday night was spent celebrating the 21st birthday of my nephew and I honestly don’t think I’ve laughed so much and so hard… well since I saw Lee Evans a couple of years ago. Suffice to say that one of Louise’s cousins, Sharon, is hysterical. She tells stories, peppering them with enough references and imagery so you can picture things, in a manner similar to Billy Connolly. It’s observational and personal stuff for the main but, I mean this seriously, she really could go on stage.

Most of Sunday was spent chilling out and doing bugger all. Which given how hectic the past couple of weeks have been was a nice change. I even managed a nice little doze before dinner, before embarking on a fairly ass-kicking session of Lego Star Wars on the Wii.

Right, I need to go and dig out an email address. Does anyone else still have those promo Skype phones from 3? Do they want them back?? It was a month trial late last year and I’ve heard nothing… I’m sure I could shift them on eBay…


Mike proves that the easiest way to get comments for your post is to change the design. Why do we find change so hard to take?


My downward trend has continued. Whilst only a measly 1lb lighter than last week, I’m quite happy. Especially given that last night I had a big stir fry at my brother-in-laws, and on Wednesday night we visited an “all you can eat” Chinese buffet place before we went to see Lee Evans. Add in a distinct lack of exercise due to time constraints (ok ok due to me being too lazy…) and 1lb is quite an achievement!


We popped in to see my parents last night and Mum gave me back some of my old piano books. Full of threats and notes from my piano teacher, it might be just the thing to get me to use the little Yamaha keyboard to play music on instead of a permanent home to various pieces of paperwork.


I CBATG so can anyone tell me how Michael Jackson came to own the rights to the Beatles back catalogue?

bookmark_borderThe Monkey Man

It’s the middle of nowhere and in a seemingly deserted shack a man is tied to a chair. He is convulsing and struggling to breathe, bent double as the pain spreads across his chest and down his sides. In closeup we see the muscles in his face strain and pulse, the dull throb evident after the first 20 minutes but there is no let up, the pace doesn’t slow, no remorse is shown.

The camera pans slowly round the writhing body until a glow, soon to be identified as a television set, enters the frame. Passing round the bobbing head of the man, tears are streaming down his face, his eyes locked on to the images on the screen in front of him. The camera pauses and changes focus, the television screen leaps into clarity and on it a man, in a dark suit, is parading around a stage. He is drenched in sweat, mopping his face and head with a white towel, and frequently emits an embarassed giggle… .

Lee Evans is an evil man. On three separate occasions last night he tried to stop me from performing the most basic function that a body requires, and I had to force myself to sit upright and BREATHE…. ahhhhh….

Relentless, hysterical, hyperactive, engaging, self-effacing, inventive, hilarious and many other words can’t really sum up the Lee Evans live show. From the Baz Luhrmann-esque introduction video, to the closing reprise of his mimed version of Bohemian Rhapsody (the first time thing I ever saw him perform), his energy, enthusiasm and the sheer velocity of jokes saw this two and half hour set zoom by in a blur of guffaws, belly laughs and “please stop for a minute, I CAN’T BREATHE!!” hysterics.

As ever the difference between me telling a joke and a comedian telling a joke is the delivery, and whilst I am going to mention a couple of his observations I’m not listing them here to make you laugh but so I can remember them at a later date.

On his dog:

You know that way dogs scratch their bum across the carpet? Well we had a nylon carpet and by the time he got to the other side of the room he looked like Don King!

On global warming:

Everywhere I go in my house there are pebbles, people are worried that the coastline is disappearing. No it’s not! It’s in my fucking living room! And of course there are all those candles. That’s the real reason the world is getting warmer, all those fucking candles!!

On travel:

And what gate do you get? ‘Gate 54 Sir’. Ohh it’s never Gate 1 is it! Have you EVER been to Gate 1!!! What are they trying to do, save FUCKIN PETROL!

The trick is that they weigh the luggage but they don’t weigh us! Put on ALL your holiday clothes and waddle up to the checkin desk, that’ll teach ’em! ‘Are you checking in any luggage Sir?’ No, I’m wearing it all!

On technology:

His palmpilot does “actual” handwriting recognition so you can “actually” write on it, in your own “actual” writing and it “actually” recognises it! Hold on mate, I’ll just get an “actual” pen and “actually” write this down on an “actual” PIECE OF PAPER!!

Monks were the first photocopiers you know, they’d sit in rooms making copies of the bible. Can you imagine the repairman coming out to fix a broken Monk? “Ohh sorry love, I don’t do Brothers, only Canons…”

And so on and on and on… if you’ve seen Lee Evans perform you’ll can imagine the voices, the indignation, the timing, the shouting, the physical comedy involved with the above.

Anyway, I can safely say that I have NEVER laughed so hard for so long. My face still aches this morning, as do my sides and I keep getting little flashbacks and giggling like an idiot. That got me a few strange looks on the train this morning.

Ohh and a brief word to all those people SOOOOO desperate to leave early. Yes I know he marks the end of his sets with a song, and yes it wasn’t a comedy song (but that’s part of his charm, the bittersweet sendup), but if you’d just waited a little longer you’d have gotten the bonus treat at the end. I’m pretty sure it was staged, even if he did make it seem impromptu – claiming that a bloke he’d bumped into in the street yesterday had said he’d better ” ‘fuckin’ do it, or I’ll kill ye’ and… well… this is Glasgow so I figured he might actually do it!” – it was still an excellent EXCELLENT ending to a wonderful night of entertainment.

Eddie Izzard was “clever funny”, well written, well delivered and made me laugh out loud a lot. Lee Evans is well written (including those ’embarassed giggles’ which he very cleverly uses to sustain the laughter… definitely a stage trick that one) and interweaves a lot of the gags together as well but the key difference is the energy. Lee Evans is a tornado onstage, and his enthusiasm pours out and drags you into his surreal little world.

In closing then, for I’m beginning to waffle, I’ll pick out one line from his show. He delivered it in the midst of a stream of jokes, pausing to look over the audience with a gentle smile on his face. It was said softly, genuinely and with the emotion of a man who loves what he does. Straight after it he launched back into the next joke, almost as if he hadn’t said it, but he did and it summed up the night for me perfectly.

Listen to that laughter, what a great sound

Indeed it is, Mr Evans. Thank you for providing it.

bookmark_borderSweaty Little Man

“I started doing physical comedy, because I was like a moving target. You know what British audiences are like – ‘he’s shit, kill him!’ My upbringing taught me to keep moving”

Lee Evans tonight. Can’t wait. Expecting sore sides tomorrow.

bookmark_borderComic Aid

Was that Lee Evans sketch the funniest thing you’ve seen for ages?

Tears of laughter, streaming down my face.

bookmark_borderNotes on a Family

I can’t remember which one it is, but there is a sketch that Lee Evans does when he “learns” comedy from a tape. It starts off with him reciting the opening line to a joke: “My mother-in-law…”

It’s quite a funny sketch, but more because of Mr. Evans than the content of the joke. You see I get on very well with my in-laws, especially my mother-in-law. That MAY be because I can already see aspects of her surfacing in Louise, something that is a constant source of amusement for me, and some annoyance (at times) for Louise. Mind you her annoyance is that I’m chuckling away not that she is turning into her Mum.

So it was with some relief that I watched my mother-in-law, late on Sunday evening, walk into the living room and start dancing. Heart attack? What heart attack?

And of course I can’t let the day pass without wishing my nephew a Happy Birthday. He’s now 18 and can legally drink.. er… and some other things as well no doubt. It’s been a real pleasure watching him grow into a young man. Mind you, I’ll have to start hiding my Southern Comfort now! (I don’t think he’s matured into Guinness yet, small mercies and all that).