Contrary to popular belief, where “popular” refers to all my tens of readers and “belief” refers to the scant notion that any of you buggers have anything even approaching morals let alone a belief system, I am not completely brainwashed by our friends across the pond.
You know, them Merkin folk. The ones with the new president.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m no hater of the United States of America but there is something about this thanksgiving holiday they have that irks me in a way not dissimilar to that feeling you get when you have a stone in your shoe but it’s raining so you can’t stop to remove it and have to plod on and on through puddles with a HUGE JAGGED ROCK slashing into your foot with every step.
Actually that’s not strictly true.
I mean the stone in your shoe thing is, despite the fact we all know that that stone is little more than a teeny tiny ickle pebble the damn thing feels huge and horrid when it’s creeping about in your shoe. That’s another thing that’s annoying about getting a stone in your shoe the way the stones will shuffle and move whilst you walk, making each step a little adventure. Well not an adventure so much as it gives you a slightly odd looking shuffling gait.
I think I’m getting sidetracked.
Ohh yes, Merkin Thanksgiving.
I realise it’s a big deal over there, really I do, but the entire world does not actually give a stuff(ing) about your holiday. I’m sure you are all over the pilgrims and indians and are thankful that you have the bestest celebrities in the world (evah!) but can you please keep the noise down? Whilst I am very thankful you have elected a new President, and doubly thankful that you chose Barack Obama, the rest of that nonsense you can keep to yourself.
This blog post is courtesy of having received three separate and unrelated emails from various Merkin companies, all wishing me a GREAT THANKSGIVING!!
Seriously. Fuck off.