Tag: ANYONE

bookmark_borderDecember

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I’m sure you’ve all noticed by now that it is, without a shadow of doubt, December.

If nothing else, the ceaseless adverts for perfume, chocolate and some really REALLY faked Christmases (c’mon, does ANYONE have a Christmas like the ones on the telly?) should have clued you in.

There is no denying it. It is most definitely Christmas.

Which means two things.

1. The Christmas decorations will go up this weekend, and I’ll spend as much time as I can avoiding doing just that.

2. Blogs all over the land will start their ‘best of’ lists and recaps.

Except this one.

I thought I’d state it right now just in case any of you are waiting with baited breath, because it ain’t gonna happen. Now matter how many times I consider it, and I’ve tried it a couple of times in the past, I just never seem to have the time (or the inclination if I’m honest).

Instead, let us look forward to 2010, the year where a new sun will be borne from the ashes of Jupiter (we shall call it Lucifer) and.. ohh wait, that’s the book.

As ever, life will bring what it will bring, so I probably won’t be doing a lot of “looking forward” either, and it’s much easier to live in the here and now, don’t you think?

bookmark_borderI have a revelation!

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Apparently, and this MAY come as a shock to some of you… in fact, before I continue perhaps some of you should make sure you are sitting down, even if you already are. So, please could you (yes, you) double check that you can feel your body weight being supported by your arse on something (hopefully) cushioned.

I mean that the seat is cushioned, of course, not that I think you have a fat arse..

In fact perhaps some of you should prepare yourselves by making sure you have a stiff drink ready, purely for medicinal purposes of course.

OK.

All set?

Right.

The revelation is….

Actually perhaps I should mention that this is not a Revelation with a capital R, this is no biblical tale of the coming of the New Earth and whatnot (and apologies to those of faith, my knowledge of the Book is lacking). It is, however, a revelation of the more everyday sort, so perhaps all this hyperbole is overplaying things a little.

But then, I tend to do that, don’t I. Waffle, some would say.

Yes please, with maple syrup…

Ahhh, but I jest, and even I have to admit that it now feels like I’m just stringing you along further in the vain hope that someone, ANYONE, is still reading (hellooooooo ?), rather than reveal what is likely to be recognised as less a revelation and more a rather obvious fact that everyone already knows.

Guess I should get on with it then.

So.

Did you know that you can turn computers off?

*click*

bookmark_borderQuestions Answered #7

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In a desperate effort to gain some weird form of validation, I stole an idea for a blog post and begged my readers to ask me a question. And they did. The buggers. Now I have to answer them.

Question 7: Hans adopts the “complete this sentence” approach and gives me the opening line of “If one life is all you get, then:” which is a bit of a broad sweeping statement but, hey that’s never stopped me in the past.

If one life is all you get, then you’d better live it to the full!

That’s what everyone thinks, right? You’ve only one life, so why waste it doing menial things like.. ohh I dunno, washing the car, brushing your hair and so on. After all, if I spend a month of my lifetime washing under my arms then that’s a month lost!!

Nonsense of course, and as we pry deeper we realise that the question isn’t about WHAT you do with your life but HOW you do it.

It’s easy to set goals, make lists of things to do, places to see, experiences to seek, but none of that really matters if you aren’t happy with yourself, first and foremost.

Don’t worry, I’m not going to get all preachy on you, suffice to say that it took me many years of my life to be happy with who I am, and HOW I am, and whilst there are still aspects of my life I would like to improve, I’m happy enough in myself to know that there is always time. And let’s be honest, if anything was REALLY upsetting me then I’d have done something about it already, right?

So, how do I live my life?

This is going to sound twee as hell but I really do try and live one moment at a time. That way I can pause, consider the moment (and I’m largely talking about negative moments here, the positive ones, quite rightly, skip by far too quickly), and then decide what to do, or more importantly, how to *be* in that moment.

Am I getting annoyed at someone because of what they are doing, or because of something I did? If it’s something I did I can correct it, if it’s something they are doing then the approach softens and I find myself becoming much more relaxed. The problem may not always go away but hey, it’s life, sometimes things don’t go well.

I’m not explaining this very well at all, I know, but it’s hard explain, especially as I always used to consider myself a pessimist, someone who always seemed to be moaning and complaining. That’s something I’ve worked hard to get away from and, whilst I still like a whinge now and then, it ain’t half as often as it used to be.

Living your life continually fighting and arguing and focusing on the negative just isn’t a life. Even if you don’t have ANY aspirations of travel, of new experiences, if YOU are happy with your life, truly happy, then make sure you do everything to keep that happiness. If you are unhappy with your life, ditch the five year plans, the dreams of tropical sun, and sort things out. Make your life as happy as you can. And yes, only YOU can do this, and no it’s not easy, not easy at all. Trust me though, it’s worth it.

Does any of that make sense? Am I talking out of my proverbial again? Is ANYONE STILL READING!??

What’s YOUR secret to living “one life”? (those who believe in reincarnation are invited to put forward their own take on things, seriously, it’d be fascinating).

bookmark_border10 minutes

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Jesus H. Christ on a bike.

A quick recap for ya, whilst re-mortgaging Louise and I freed up some extra funds. The mortgage has been processed and we got our cheque for a not insubstantial amount of money (well, to us anyway). However as the mortgage is in joint names, the cheque we received was made out to the same, which is a slight problem as Louise and I don’t have a joint account. It’s one of those things we’ve always meant to do but have never really had a reason to until now.

So, two weeks ago, we nipped into the local branch of my bank to get Louise added onto my account. Simple enough, right? We sat with one of the staff, filled out a form and were told it would take around 10 days to process as the form had to go to ‘central processing’. Despite the faint whiff of bullshit, we let it pass after garnering assurances that everything would be in place in 10 days (and yes, we asked if he meant “working days”, but no, he was going by the calendar).

10 days passed and I phoned my bank to check if the details had been added. They hadn’t and, worryingly, nothing was showing on the ‘system’ as pending. I phoned the branch and was told that I would be phoned back. Guess what…

I phoned again the next day, three times, and the final time was told that the information was “being keyed into the system” today. That was Thursday. Friday I phoned the bank to see if the details had been added or, at the very least, were pending. Nope. Nothing. Nada.

Four phone calls later I was assured that I would be phoned back. Go on, guess.

This morning we went to the branch to find out what was going on. A very helpful young lady answered my question with a puzzled look and said that she could get that done today for me.

Slightly bemused we followed her to the desk where, after confirming that we’d completed the form and that, despite having it with us, proof of identity wouldn’t be required (understandable as we were sitting in front of the guy whilst we completed the form), she turned to her computer and started, and I’m guessing here, “keying in our details”.

10 minutes later, job done. She took our cheque, made sure it was successfully processed into our account (bar the usual nonsense about “3-4 days to ‘clear’ “) and we left the bank. Fuming quietly and already drafting a complaint letter in my head – more on that later.

We did a little shopping, including some yummy Baklava from the market, and headed home. On the doormat was a letter from the bank stating that we had neglected to supply enough information and would need to re-complete the form before they could process our ‘application’.

I’ll be returning that form with my complaint letter which will ask why we had to wait 10 days for something that we were told, this morning, could’ve been done there and then. I’ll also be pointing out that they’ve cost me 10 days interest on the money, and that as far as I could tell, between the original staff member of the branch, who obviously didn’t have a clue what he was talking about, and the phoneline staff who, whilst helpful, obviously don’t have access to the right information as at no point did ANYONE tell me that the ‘application’ was awaiting additional information, they might want to look at how they treat their own customers.

After all, I could’ve walked into one of their competitors who would’ve happily opened me a new account and I’d have had access to MY money within a couple of days.

Not that I’m gonna have the money for long, part of pays off some debt, the rest goes on servicing the car, new tyres, and a new front door. Ohh but I do get my new camera, hopefully in time for taking to Spain..

Anyway. Banks. Complaint letters. Suggestions? There are a few of you out there who are infinitely better than I at drafting these things, so I’d welcome your ideas.

First draft of letter below the fold (names changed to protect the.. er.. incompetent?)
Continue reading “10 minutes”

bookmark_borderPursuit of pleasure

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Partially nicked from yesterday’s Independent.

According to Michael Flocker’s The Hedonism Handbook there are 10 signs you’re in too deep:

  1. You no longer remember anyone’s phone number because they’re all in your mobile

  2. You e-mail people who are seated within 20ft of you

  3. You make itineraries for your holidays

  4. The idea of a full week without internet access fills you with terror

  5. You are bored if the television isn’t on

  6. You have to watch the news every day, just to be sure the world isn’t ending

  7. You regularly watch sitcoms that you have seen countless times before

  8. You are unable to sit still and think in silence

  9. Your conversation regularly revolves around the lives of others instead of your own

  10. You buy your shoes because they match your iPod

I have to take issue with some of these.

Personally a full week without internet access is a relief sometimes, but doesn’t fill me with terror (#4). I am usually bored when the television is ON and get up to do something else (#5) (and how does this sit with #7?). I watch the news so I know what is going on in the world, not so I know the world is going on (#6), and what is with #10? Does ANYONE do that?

Now he also has some advice, namely 10 ways to unleash your inner hedonist:

  1. Find a park bench, sit down and observe life

  2. Lie in a hammock and stare at the stars

  3. Bob in the ocean

  4. Go for a walk without direction

  5. Read a book in complete silence

  6. Take a nap in the sun

  7. Take a bath by candlelight

  8. Sleep until you can sleep no more

  9. Extend foreplay

  10. Watch Swedish cinema

Now, I agree with some of these but still have to take issue. “Watch Swedish cinema” WHY?

Personally I’m happy curled up with a good book and no interruptions, but a streetside cafe and a good coffee is also favoured source of relaxation. People watching is always fascinating.

What methods do you employ when you are having a little “ME” time?

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Dang, I missed it
Meant to post something at 3:03pm. Darn. And yes I realise to be properly accurate I should’ve posted at 3:03am but no chance of that happening.

3rd of the 3rd of the 3rd of the 3rd of the 3rd.

Ohh and is ANYONE else watching 24? I think I may have to find a fan forum, I’m completely hooked!