Vera, our motorhome, has been an absolute boon this past month or so. We’ve managed to get away a couple of times now, not far but far enough that I can feel the calm release of tension descend upon me as we park up for the night. One advantage of where we live, drive for an hour or so and you can be literally in the middle of nowhere. Glorious.

I joined a new company at the end of last year and it too is going well, I’m starting to get a better grasp on the massive project I’m working on, and don’t quite feel like the ‘dumb’ new guy any more.

We’ve also had the official confirmation that we can sell my Mum’s old flat (which we are still clearing!) so that’s something positive, or at least a bit of closure.. or something. I dunno, it’s just a ‘thing that needs done’ but I know the emotional release when it finally sells will come too.

And given the past few months I’ve started to get some counselling, early days but I know from past experience it will be good for me and no doubt leave me better off than I was in the first place.

Throughout all of this, my little family has been the rock I’ve held clung on to; my amazing wife who has been a constant source of support, silliness, and encouragement and who has gotten me through each day even though I know she’s grieving too. And my beautiful, smart, daring, thoughtful son, a constant tonic who makes me belly laugh as much as he raises my blood pressure as he careers off down another hill on his bike. He is an absolute joy and we know how lucky we are that, on the whole, he’s a very even tempered wee guy who sleeps all night and rarely has a major breakdown/tantrum. 

He’s 3.5 yrs old now, and yesterday I removed all the baby gates on the stairs and his room given that for the past couple of weeks he’s being walking up and down them to go to the toilet (standing up!) all by himself anyway. 

And as usual my friends have been a wonderful constant. A day with my closest friends watching the first F1 Grand Prix of the season was a true tonic for my sould.

So, for the first time in several weeks, I’ve started looking ahead with hope. We have holidays planned, we have a roof over our heads, food in the cupboards and so much love surrounds me that I can’t help but be optimistic.

There will be harder days ahead, but I know I will perserevre through those too.