Thoughts from my sickbed

I’m on the mend but last week saw me struggle with some food poisoning/a tummy bug that left me in bed from Friday evening through to this morning. A few slices of toast, some isotonic drinks, were all I could stomach. I slept a lot too, as I am prone to do when ill, but had quite a bit of time just lying in bed contemplating life.

I was too tired for any prolonged or deep analysis but topics included:

  • Of my own sensibilities and thoughts on how to behave, how much of it was instilled in me by my parents, and how much have I learned/adopted for myself? And how much of our personal values will our child learn and take forward? I have a sense of growing up ‘knowing’ how to behave when in adult company (not quite sit quietly, but certainly wasn’t running about wild), but how much of that was natural to me and how much was I taught it by my parents?
  • The world is on fire, literally, and whilst we do our bit and will continue to do so – we don’t eat meat, we reuse, we recycle, we try and be mindful of purchases/deliveries – should I be doing more?
  • I really really miss being out on my bike. I don’t miss the gym as much, I don’t miss running, of all the exercise options I have, cycling is the one I really miss.
  • When did I stop watching movies? So many great movies in the last few years and I’ve seen none of them. Need to make time for that, somehow.
  • I often wonder if all my acquaintances and friends are just better at keeping in touch with other than I am, is it because I don’t reach out that I can feel cut off from them? I always get the sense that they are in touch with each other way more than they are with me. I can’t help but feel it’s my own doing and that I don’t work hard enough to maintain that, but it’s a two way street, right?
  • This cannot happen to me any time after October, not for a good six months or so, not once the baby is here!
  • I am lucky to be able to be ill and be cared for and not have to worry about pretty much anything other than taking care of myself and feeling better.
  • I wonder how much weight I’ve lost? (answer: 2kg).
  • I’ve not written for my blog for ages, it seems like I just don’t have the inclination any more. I am writing in my journal every day, even if it’s only a few lines, so I’m not worried about it, just curious to see how long this feeling will last.

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