Month: <span>February 2013</span>
I breath in.
I breath out.
Acutely aware of the depth and length of my breathe as my chest rises and falls, the weight of my limbs on the bed, the nothingness of it all as I relax.
Eyes closed, drifting, floating away into my subconscious, that eery half-world between dreams and reality is easily found.
Somewhere I can hear relaxing sounds, the person in the room with me moves around slowly, deliberately. Her fingers, warm and oiled, pull gently around my eyes and across my forehead, pausing to circle on my temples.
And the world melts away again.
It’s only recently that I’ve discovered what bliss actually means. It comes in many forms, but it is recognisable as an escape, an otherworldlyness that takes me away from the everyday.
I embrace it and let it wrap around me, warm, safe and content.
I’m still not sure what triggers this insomnia, or even if it’s triggered at all. I only know that I’m awake.
I’m not complaining, I’ve had almost 6 hours sleep which is more than some people get I know, but it still irks me that these spells happen. I either wake for a couple of hours during the night or, like last night, I struggle to stay asleep for more than 5 hours.
It’s not the lack of sleep that bothers me, it’s the impact it has on my energy levels. Everything becomes that little bit more of an effort, and sometimes I’m not convinced I’m always making the best decisions.
Life continues, of course, and the new job is starting to ramp up. I’ve not quite adjusted my working hours, the team is split between here and California, so most meetings are now conference calls from 3pm onwards. Getting in the office at 8am no longer deemed sustainable.
It’s fun though, tackling a new challenge usually is and for now I’m letting the life/work balance sort itself out. Living for the moment rather than getting too hung up on what I’m not doing, and trying to remove my own expectations of me.
Alas it can’t all be like that. I finally weighed myself yesterday for the first time in about two months. I knew I’d put on some weight and was pleasantly surprised to find out it was just under 10kg.
So the target will be 1kg (about 2lbs) a week. I think that’s achievable, and should have me quite a bit lighter by Glastonbury and much lighter by my 40th birthday.
Every day is a new day of course but, for now, I’ve got plenty going on to keep me busy.