Each lazy blink draws my eyelids down, heavy and bloodshot, a constant dryness that no tear can salve. My head is full of freshly picked cotton wool, burrs grate inside my skull and everything is hazy and soft, removed. Every inhalation pulls a yawn to my lungs, saps another trickle of precious energy. Willing myself to focus, ignoring the incessant call of sleep, the lure of drowse.
Caffeine is the cure, the elixir, the nectar that will tame the blurry-eyed beast. I watch, mesmerised, as my hand hovers over my mug pouring my saviour into my cup, the dark awake sloshing up the sides. I know the bitterness will pull me back from the brink and as I lift the steaming promise to my lips, the deep warm aroma floats up and the senses nudge one another, ensuring all are awake. Lifting my mug closer I close my eyes and then … mindless bliss as the first surge of hot liquid descends through the rings of lethargy. I feel the buzz kicking in, vibratant with each mouthful, my eyes opening, blinking fast, I am ready to face the day.
Is this what an addict needs? Is it the anticipation of what is to come or the actual rush itelf? How much of addiction is laid out in habit? The process as much as the substance?
My name is Gordon McLean. I am addicted to caffeine.
If I don’t get my morning caffeine fix I am cranky and end up with a sore head. My body has come to rely on caffeine and whilst the withdrawal symptoms are mild in comparison to many other addictions, they are reliable and tell me I have a problem. I’ve read the studies on why excess caffeine is a bad thing and I do try and limit myself to a few cups a day. The rest of the day is fine, but the pattern of addiction remains a morning cup of coffee as soon as I get to work.
This post was brought to you after my.. umm.. second cup of coffee.
Anyone else want to join me and confess their addiction?
Caffeine too, I’m afraid.
It used to be coffee, and is now Diet Coke – has been for far too many years.
And yes, yes, I know it’s bad for me, I know you can clean copper coins in it, I know it must be eating my insides away, so forth, so fifth. Blah, Blah, Blah.
I figure if enough people complain, I’ll just take up heroin instead. See which one they prefer me to be addicted to. 🙂
Guess there’s no-one else up for admitting this morning, then…
Well, I am no longer addicted to coffee and I never want to go back there. I rarely drink it now, if I do, it’s a social mug.
Feel free to e-mail me for advice for how to stop needing coffee.
It’s been a surprise to me recently to find that I’m not addicted to anything. Cheese is the nearest, which is a pity as I’ve got to lose weight, but I don’t really miss it.
Dark chocolate straight from the fridge, luckily my obsession includes the fact that it is best to only eat 1 square a day – v e r y slowly.
Great blog! I love your writing style.
I don’t know if I’m addicted to coffee, I love it, but never tried to live without it. Come to think of it, I wouldn’t want to live without it…maybe I am addicted…the aroma, the rush, the taste, the experience…I have to go and make a fresh pot now…
I’m addicted to everything. No, seriously. If something is nice and readily available, I’ll be having some of that.
Heat Magazine! I have bought almost every issue since it came out years ago… I need my weekly gossip, tells me all the good progammes on tv, crossword, horoscopes… what else does a girl need! Ok it’s Tuesday and I haven’t bought my copy… ah… where are my car keys?
I don’t know if it’s an addiction exactly, but I have quite a regular routine. With breakfast, I make a latte for Karen and a dark cappuccino for myself. The remainder of my working day then usually contains about three mugs of tea.