bookmark_borderBecause it made my Mum laugh

Short of time, inspiration and more. Here is a joke I heard last weekend. It is not my joke, and probably loses some of the appeal as you don’t get my “actions” to go with it. Feel free to do your own or just imagine me… actually, let’s not go down that road, just read the joke.

An Spaniard, an Italian and a Scotsman are travelling across America when captured by a tribe of Red Indians. The chief declares that, as they had violated sacred burial lands, they would all receive “death by a thousand cuts”, the most gruesome of all Red Indian fates.

As he was a man of honour, the chief decreed that each man be granted one wish before they were slain.

The Spaniard is offered his wish and asks if he could have some time with one of the squaws. The chief agrees, and the Spaniard takes a squaw into a nearby wigwam. Minutes later he emerges, his final desires sated, and is led off to suffer his fate. His screams echo out across the valley before finally falling silent.

The Italian steps forward and demands 3 squaws, the chief agrees and 20 minutes later the Italian struts out from the wigwam and is led away to suffer his fate. Again, horrid screams ring out as he writhes in agony before the pain is too much and with a final gasp, he dies.

Finally the Scotsman is asked what his final wish is.

“Gies a sandwich then” he says.

“A sandwich? Are you sure” the bemused chief asks.

“Aye, a sandwich is fine”

“Well, what kind of sandwich?” says the chief, “ham, cheese, banana? All three??”

“Anything, just gies a sandwich”.

Amazed at such a trivial request, the chief orders a sandwich to be made. It is presented to the Scotsman who takes it, opens it up and starts to wank into it. The tribe of indians are bemused until their chief holds up his hand to request silence, and then says:

Continue reading “Because it made my Mum laugh”

bookmark_borderRecently read

From my own blogging experience, posting regularly is a good thing. Mr. Neilsen (who, despite reports to the contrary, is sometimes correct) suggests that quality not quantity is the way to go and, for this blog at least, it is something I’m striving towards.

Nailing a posting schedule is part of this and, as the evidence within demonstrates, I’ve yet to crack that egg. In an effort to force myself I’m going to try flipping that argument around for the time being and just posting whenever something catches my eye. No idea if it’ll make any difference but hey, you never know.

So, with that in mind, here are some interesting sites and articles that have zipped across my radar in the past few weeks:

I hope you find them as interesting as I did.

bookmark_borderWhilst I remember…

A few things I’ve been meaning to mention, none of which really warrant an entire blog post.

1. I’m rebranding
The “one man” brand is getting an update, and all of my sites will get a few design tweaks. Whilst I’m in the midst of that, is there anything I need to do for this site? I know about the comment numbers in IE (cropped on the left), and that the search isn’t working from all pages but, those aside, are there any other major issues that need fixed, or anything that you’d like to see?

2. Mac fanboys suck
I’m including Steve Jobs in that as he sets the trend. Googling for anything that includes the terms Mac and PC typically offers little value and LOADS of “PCs are fugly” type ranting by Mac fanboys. Not only does it make finding useful cross-platform information harder than it should be, it also reflects badly on the very brand the idiots are saying is “way better then (sic) PC, they suks (again with the sic)”.

Not only that but I increasingly find myself biting my tongue, and holding off pointing out that it’s not “PC” but “Windows” against which they rail. Idiots.

3. Mini Coopers are evil
I’m pretty sure that having driven my mate’s Mini Cooper around for the past couple of weeks is the reason I’ve got a sore leg. It’s the S Model so the clutch is pretty stiff, and coupled with a completely different driving position, has aggravated an old groin strain and isn’t helping my knee either.

Add in the fact that it is almost impossible to drive the damn thing slowly and wheeeeee it’s fun! Just wish the weather had been better, I’ve only had the roof down a few times. Nice wee car but I don’t think I could live with it to be honest, and I’m quite looking forward to getting my Civic back and returning to comfort.

4. Lurgy?
Louise spent most of last night hacking and coughing, and this morning I have the tell-tale signs of a slightly raw throat and sensitive ear. Great. Just in time for the weekend.

As a kid I used to get awful earache, and whilst I’m not sure if, medically speaking, that makes me prone to such but I am certainly very aware when anything starts up in that area.

Right, don’t expect much over the weekend.

Although I might post a joke that made my Mum laugh…