Because it made my Mum laugh

Short of time, inspiration and more. Here is a joke I heard last weekend. It is not my joke, and probably loses some of the appeal as you don’t get my “actions” to go with it. Feel free to do your own or just imagine me… actually, let’s not go down that road, just read the joke.

An Spaniard, an Italian and a Scotsman are travelling across America when captured by a tribe of Red Indians. The chief declares that, as they had violated sacred burial lands, they would all receive “death by a thousand cuts”, the most gruesome of all Red Indian fates.

As he was a man of honour, the chief decreed that each man be granted one wish before they were slain.

The Spaniard is offered his wish and asks if he could have some time with one of the squaws. The chief agrees, and the Spaniard takes a squaw into a nearby wigwam. Minutes later he emerges, his final desires sated, and is led off to suffer his fate. His screams echo out across the valley before finally falling silent.

The Italian steps forward and demands 3 squaws, the chief agrees and 20 minutes later the Italian struts out from the wigwam and is led away to suffer his fate. Again, horrid screams ring out as he writhes in agony before the pain is too much and with a final gasp, he dies.

Finally the Scotsman is asked what his final wish is.

“Gies a sandwich then” he says.

“A sandwich? Are you sure” the bemused chief asks.

“Aye, a sandwich is fine”

“Well, what kind of sandwich?” says the chief, “ham, cheese, banana? All three??”

“Anything, just gies a sandwich”.

Amazed at such a trivial request, the chief orders a sandwich to be made. It is presented to the Scotsman who takes it, opens it up and starts to wank into it. The tribe of indians are bemused until their chief holds up his hand to request silence, and then says:

“Ahhhh, white man cum in piece, he may go”.

(sorry, have a good weekend everyone!)

Written By

Long time blogger, Father of Jack, geek of many things, random photographer and writer of nonsense.

Doing my best to find a balance.

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You told that joke to your MOTHER?

Ian's Mum says:

Amazingly mothers do know about such things,Peggy!

mum says:

I know it’s picky but I think the chief would have said ‘peace’ and you had better explain what a ‘piece’ is to your international readers, other than that it’s the best LOL joke I’ve heard for ages and I do hear quite a lot.

Venerable Mum has a point there – when I told this joke to the Hungarian and the offspring both stared at me blankly (!). The Hungarian because, although he knows quite a few Scottish dialect words, this particular one constituted a gap in his vocabulary, the offspring, well, because he still has quite a touching innocence (which this joke irrevocably destroyed). ๐Ÿ˜‰

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