I’m a terrible loser. Awful. No matter how I might try and disguise it, I hate losing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m resigned to the fact that there are people out there who are smarter, faster, stronger, fitter, and lots of other “-ers” than I, and that’s fine. But if I think I should win something, and I don’t? Ohh my, not a pretty sight.
Hissy fit central.
Of course I do use this mentality for my own benefit, particularly since I took up jogging. It’s not always applicable of course, especially as it’s not a competitive jogging group (e.g. it’s not a running club), with the focus very much on the team ethic. But when it comes to the races (OK, I’ve only done one so far) well then I can turn my hatred of losing to my own advantage, taking unadulterated pleasure in running past people. Even if she was 72…
However I am currently failing at a couple of things, and it’s really beginning to bug me.
Funnily enough it’s the running. I’ve been too ill to contemplate going out, and the one jog I did last week set me back about two weeks. I thought I was doing OK, thought the headaches, congestion and hacking cough had calmed to a mild runny nose.
And it had.
Then I went for my first run of the year, and the next night I barely made it in the door and spent the entire evening, motionless, on the sofa. Despite being fully dressed, including added fleece, being ensconsed under a blanket and having a hot water bottle wedged under my jumper I just couldn’t get warm. I was shivering and lethargic and… yeuch. Not nice at all.
So I didn’t go out on Sunday as I had planned. I didn’t go out on Wednesday as I had planned. I won’t be going out this Sunday as I had planned.
And I hate that. I’m falling behind in the schedule, and that, to me, is failing.
Yes there is little I can do about it but that’s not the bloody point!
Or not, as digital cameras don’t make that kind of noise these days (well mine doesn’t since I told it to shut up).
One of my silent resolutions for this year was to take more photos. Now I’m not beating myself up about this one too much as we are only 20 days into the year, but surely a good start would be to take my camera with me more often?
Looking at it, sitting gathering dust on my desk at home, whilst the new lens remains unopened, shames me. It’s not that hard to lift it alongwith the rest of my stuff. Especially now I am taking the car to work, it’s not like I have to lug it about with me, and even then it’s not that heavy…
Yet I continue to ignore it.
Admittedly I don’t really have the time to wander about with a camera during the day, and there isn’t really that much in the area surrounding our office anyway. Admittedly the office building is hugely photogenic, and I will start taking some photos of it, but will need to suss out some of the quieter times in the office.
The commute doesn’t really lend itself to many photo opportunities either so I’m faced with scheduling some “photo days” or something. Naturally these can be coupled with days out, visits and whatnot but, as I continue to experiment, I’ll want to spend more time and care over the act of taking the photos, rather than my current “pause – shoot – walk on” method.
I also need to learn how to hold the camera steady, but that’s a different topic.
So there you go. I’m not perfect. I know it’s a shock to many of you, but I think it’s healthy to have a few faults. Or, in my case, two.
Cos, you know, those aside… I’m perfect me.