Willpower. Anyone got any to spare?

I should check my biorhythms I think as I’m certainly cyclic when it comes to my mood. Not whether I’m in a good or bad mood, but whether I’m in a “get a grip” mood or a “ohh bugger this” mood. That latter is prevalent for the most part because of my sheer laziness and selfish and annoys me no end.

Oh yes I’m aware when I’m being lazy, or selfish, and sometimes just reminding myself of that is enough to get me up off my arse and doing something about it, sometimes I ignore the voice and sometimes it comes from someone else.

I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve posted about how I’m going to do x or start doing y, full of good intentions for a short period of time, lacking the conviction to follow the idea through. Story of my life, some might say.

So where do I get this kick start I need?

Well Saturday night was a start. We bumped into an old.. well.. flame isn’t quite the right term, she was more like a leech that once attached itself to my face… let’s say “acquaintance” of mine. She’s nice enough but a bit over the top, and Louise took great pleasure in making sure I ended up stuck with her chatting to her. At one point she turned to Louise, patted my ample stomach and commented that I was being “well-fed”. She’s the kind of girl that would make a comment like that and leave you unsure what she means. Either that I’m fat (obvious), not getting enough sex from Louise (given the history a possibility), or she’s just passing comment without thinking and happens to like patting beer bellies.

It’s only now, several days later, that I’m beginning to realise that it’s that throwaway comment from Saturday night that has me down, malaised and generally unable to concentrate on one thing. Further pondering has me realise that, so far, this year has been a bit of a washout.

I’m going to try and keep her comment in my head and use it to kick start my year. Up until now it’s been flat, week after week after week of “same old, same old” is getting thoroughly depres… annoying. We used to go for walks, go to the cinema every week, meet friends for lunch, I distinctly recall that whilst it wasn’t much I DID have a social life once. I need to get back to that, I’m not sure it’ll solve everything but I’m hoping a few other things fall into place as well.

And it all starts this Saturday.