bookmark_borderWhy I worry

Yesterday I was a tad worried about my post. Apparently I shouldn’t have been, and that’s all well and good but it does bring to mind a pet hate of mine.

I don’t think I have EVER posted something that was deliberately inflammatory or overly opinionated. Now that’s mainly because it’s just not in my nature but also because, frankly, I don’t see the point. It may sound awfully “right-on” but life really IS too short to waste any of my time and energy trying to berate and antagonise others. Don’t get me wrong, I have had fallings out with people, and have been asked not to comment on certain blogs but that is usually down to my (mis)use of sarcasm.

This is not to say I don’t have opinions, nor that I will not express them if I see a need or opportunity to contribute to a discussion, and I can certainly point you to several occasions when I’ve been a little hot under the collar about a particular topic. However, I’d challenge you to find anything I’ve written that deliberately sets out to shock and I’d warrant it harder to find proof of me ignoring a well reasoned argument/comment. I’m a tolerant guy but even the most laid-back person can be provoked.

My dislike of the loud and arrogant, issuing forth their proclamations and shouting down others, is not limited to blogs. That kind of loathsome individual may think they are ‘winning the argument’ because they made the most noise and that may be true in the political sense but as far as I’m concerned it spanks of insecurity. The worst mix is the overly intelligent which, when coupled with a presumption that they are correct and their opinion SHOULD be held by others because (after all) they’ve spent years studying the topic (which makes the rest of us no better than uneducated oinks), can lead to an obnoxious mix of overbearing pomposity from which I rarely hide my displeasure.

And of course the single most annoying thing about the overly opinionated is that they remain so blinkered to others views that they don’t even realise how disgustingly gross their company can be.

The simple fact is that no-one is right all the time.

Not even me.

bookmark_borderShe did it!

Just a quick note to say Congratulations to my sister-in-law Claire. She’s been studying hard all year and passed all of her exams to earn a place at University studying dietetics.

To put it in a little perspective for the rest of you, she’s a single mum with four kids – she’ll hate me saying that, as she never EVER mentions it but them’s the facts.

I’m dead chuffed. We’re both so happy for you, you worked hard Claire, roll on the holiday when we can REALLY celebrate!!

bookmark_borderWhinge, Moan

Everywhere you go someone is complaining about something. It seems that a lot of people only EVER complain. Take any piece of nationally (internationally) reported good news and you’ll find twice as many people ready and willing to run it down.

Well I, for one (and probably only for today) am sick of it.

So, today’s challenge is to say something positive. Doesn’t have to be anything uplifting or spiritual, just positive.

I’ll start, shall I?

The government’s “pay as you go” driving scheme is a good thing. The positive impact it will have on the environment is a good thing.

The Live 8 concert is a good thing no matter who performs at it.

See, it’s easy. Now, your turn.

bookmark_borderTBD

What we really owe Big Brother.

The scarce commodity in our society is not privacy but meaningful recognition. That is why people put weblogs on the internet, exposing themselves for peer review by a trusted community of co-bloggers.

So, finally, an explanation as to why we all do it (this thing called blog).

Except it’s not, is it.

I was going to write about this in some length, taking the article and offering my thoughts on each salient point, but I’m not going to do that. Instead I’ll just offer this.

Some of us are as intelligent as journalists, in fact several of us are more intelligent and when I say several, I mean several hundred thousand (natch). Some of us have the same concerns over privacy, some of us protect ourselves using silly names, some of us make up the story altogether (and get book deals!), and some of us had nowhere else to turn when we need someone to talk to… at.

That’s the thing with an outlet, sometimes it’s just that, a tap, a waterfall, always moving away from the source, never looking for, or wanting, the flow to change direction.

And for others it’s just a bit of fun, and sure, we use our own name and talk about friends and work and stuff but life’s too short and please don’t EVER use me in an argument concerning Herr Blunkett and ID cards.

Or am I wrong?

bookmark_borderT in the Park #7

Saturday on the NME Stage

Moving away from the dance tent we head to the NME Stage. Rock music reigns, and I’ll feel a bit more comfortable over there (boy will I EVER look out of place in the dance tent). Once again, any advice or previous experience is welcomed.

  • Muse – MUST SEE! No arguments, I’ll probably ending up moshing next to my sister.
  • The Libertines – Not that fussed actually, never really got into them, but I’m sure they will be OK.
  • Wu Tang Clan – Could be good live, could be awful. Undecided as yet.
  • Keane – “miserable Coldplay-esque indie-lite” is fairly accurate. Not that fussed.
  • Funeral for a Friend – Heard of… had a single out a while back.. nu-metal/poprock I think?
  • British Sea Power – Will be asking round work as I know a couple of the guys like them.
  • The Zutons – Heard of, not heard.
  • Dogs Die in Hot Cars – Seemingly another “next big thing, well maybe the one after that..”
  • The Shins – Another THE band which automatically makes me think of them as something they are probably not.

I’ll recap all your feedback on Wednesday, after that it’s the main stage run down!

bookmark_borderIf

Situations, reactions, altering perceptions, skewing reality, imagining. What if…?

My usual tactic for falling asleep is to plan my day, think about what I’ll be doing tomorrow. Sometimes it backfires and my mind races away from me, into situations that may not happen, that I dread will EVER happen, yet I find myself catching up and placing my emotions and thoughts, studying my reaction, conscious of how others would act and comment, conscious of how others would handle things better. Trying to manipulate my thought processes to my conscious needs, instead of letting them roam free and take their own form.

The situations are never good ones, there is no “What if we were blessed with children?”, “What if I was granted three wishes?”, it’s always the negative thoughts that come with the dark. Almost as if they don’t dare venture out unless they have a cover, an excuse, for invading my thoughts and dreams. ‘If it’s dark’ they ponder ‘we can trick his imagination too’.

Soon I’m wide awake, breathing silently as creaks and thumps resonate throughout the house, each one a separate person sneaking about downstairs, rifling through our possessions, invading our home. This kind of irrational fear is held and grows purely in the mind.

I digress.

I don’t consider myself ‘matured’ and I am beginning to realise that, as I grow older, I don’t grow. I seem to have stopped. Hence all the questioning and comparison. If I was more like her, If I had his outlook. If.

I seem to constantly fail myself, set standards then ignore them, aim for targets and fall short, expect more than I should. If I was smarter, if I had chosen another career, if I had the chance to prove myself, if, if, if. Questions without answers, emotions without console.

Is it all appearance? Am I taking the wrong approach? If I was to bury my thoughts and questions and concentrate on the outside, would that improve me? If I could portray myself as I wanted. If I could throw the illusion. If I was someone else?

None of that would be me. It would be just that, an illusion, a false portrait. If I went down the road, where would I end up? I would be lying to everyone, but most importantly I would be lying to myself.

It is a recurring theme, and part of it demands a further exploration of itself. Lacking the knowledge of self is key. It can be a crippling theme, constantly questioning, probing, disturbing. It can be coaxed and pulled towards meaning, but always, always, wriggles free at the last moment. The light at the end of the tunnel taunts, never reached.

I’ve long searched my mind for answers, I once got caught in the painful spiral of confusion that self same process defines. Now I manage to pull myself out, dragging myself back to where I should be, how I should be thinking. I’m still not sure where that expectation is set and controlled, but I know that my mind should be somewhere else, somewhere ‘proper’ and ‘right’ and… well… ‘not wrong’.

I am who I define? I define who I am? Which is held true, which defines me? The spiral begins again. If I was more positive. If I was less cynical. If I saw good. If…