Relationship Significance

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at www.polymeansmany.com. I have ridden the relationship escalator. I got engaged at 20, married at 21 and 13 years later got divorced. I got engaged because it’s what you did to show commitment, because my partner suggested that it was expected, and because I was happy to do so. Basically I got married because it’s what was expected by society/family. I didn’t really question any of this, it was all assumed to be just what happened and hey, I was happy so I just went with the flow. It was all …

Continue reading »

Our Poly Setup

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at www.polymeansmany.com. Kirsty and I had talked for a while about what a poly relationship may look like for us; we knew we didn’t have a definite idea in mind but we talked through a lot of ‘what ifs’ to see if there was anything we did or didn’t want, or anything that just didn’t fit with our idea of what a poly relationship constitutes. It’s hard to foresee the future of course, but we had a general idea of what we hoped we would get from embracing polyamory. We’d tried …

Continue reading »

What being Poly has taught me

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at www.polymeansmany.com. Looking back over the past few years, I forget just how much I’ve learned about myself in that time. Leaving a long-term relationship determined to be better, finding a partner who wanted the same and who was patient and understanding, knowing we were both on a similar journey has been a revelation. So a lot of what I’ve learned since we decided to embrace polyamory is an extension, or at the very least a focusing, of things I’ve already been aware of, and working on. For example: Balance is …

Continue reading »

2013: Moments that mattered

Some years have many moments, highs and lows, that stick in your mind. Looking back they can define your entire memory of a year. For me, 2013 was no different. I’m lucky that last year was mostly highs. Glastonbury being the main one centred around an event. A second visit to the legendary festival, Kirsty and I relaxed into the experience much more than in our first visit, and it felt so much more liberating and freeing. We laughed, danced, and lost ourselves in the festival for those brief few days. It took me a few weeks to realise that it had left more of a mark than I realised; dance like no-one is watching. That said, the moment that …

Continue reading »

Polyamory: Decisions and balance

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at www.polymeansmany.com. There is a word I use a lot when describing how I try and approach life in general and when it comes to polyamory and my relationships it’s definitely something I focus on. Balance With multiple relationships at play, when it comes to making decisions things need to try and be fair and reasonable to everyone concerned. That’s not to say that every decision is always what everyone wants, but hopefully we are all having our needs met as best can be expected. In short, you can’t make …

Continue reading »

What Poly Looks Like

I’ve mentioned this before, but despite how many people think a set of polyamorous relationships work, the reality is that it takes a lot of work, communication and calendaring to get to the good bits of having multiple, loving partners to spend time with. We’ve just about got the next two weeks sorted it and it struck me that this is a perfect sign of trying to balance the desires and plans of four people around the festive period, particularly given that we all also have added pressures/desires to be with families. This is what next week looks like (and it doesn’t include everything!). Thank the baby jebus for shared Google Calendars!

Continue reading »

I’m dreaming of…

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at polymeansmany.com. A Poly Christmas (ho ho ho!) The festive season is upon us once more! Yuletide approaches, mince pies are being warmed, trees decorated and everywhere across the land talk turns to Christmas Day and the bounties that await on the dinner table. Families rejoice and gleefully wear lurid jumpers, novelty socks and all quietly enjoy the Queen’s speech. Or so the TV adverts would have you believe. Ohhh yes, and we all drink Coke. Putting my cynicism aside, it is true that for many, whether you celebrate it or …

Continue reading »

Remember yourself

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at polymeansmany.com Let me start with a simple premise: Relationships are a compromise, and those compromises are made to find balance to make sure everyone is as happy as they can be. Compromises are made on all sides and over time they even out. Of course, in poly relationships there is more than one person to consider when it comes to compromise and that can mean there is a risk that you, with the best intentions, start over-compromising in favour of your partners. Whilst this may be driven by the …

Continue reading »

FOMO

Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them.  Links to all posts can be found at polymeansmany.com What is happening with them? Are they having fun? Why am I home alone? What’s the point of having more than one partner if I’m still alone? Are they having a better time than we do? Is he more fun? Is she more entertaining? A lot of the thoughts and emotions I have around polyamory are still being filed under ‘new stuff’. I do spend a fair amount of my free time wondering: What are this? However, this area seems to have caught me out a little bit. …

Continue reading »

Over Communicating

Written in response to the monthly theme on Poly Means Many: Communication Many articles around open/poly relationships discuss communication and rightly so as it’s the key foundation for all good relationships, regardless of type. However, it’s not something I’ve always been the best at; add my own shortcomings to a poly relationship, and those flaws get amplified. Obviously there are differences between the communication between two people and the communication required between four as we all have different personalities and naturally differing ways of communicating. My own style of listening, the phrases I use, the presumptions I have in my head, all suit me, but for others in the relationship they won’t be quite right. I’m aware of this, as are …

Continue reading »