About me

I was gonna post the bit below as the only page on my site yesterday, but I decided not to react over a couple of comments. If you do read things here, don’t think you know me. You only know the words and story I’m playing out on here. If you want to know more about me, talk to me, ask me questions, and respond to mine. Don’t base your decisions on this site.

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Adult

When will I realise I’m an adult? Yesterday Zeldman gave us a link, but warned that it contained bad language and that we had better check with our parents before viewing it. I had the phone in my hand before I realised what I was doing: “Hi Mum, it’s me – there’s this link on a site I want to look at, but it uses bad language and it said to check with your parents, soo… ummm.. can I look at it?” “Well as your 26 I’m sure you’ll cope…”CLICK….bbrrrrrrrrrrrrr. Still it’s not such a bad state of mind.

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This or that!

Ever get to the stage when you have so much to do, you really don’t know where to start, so you end up starting about 6 or 7 major things and then you start wondering why you think you are getting a little stressed. I can see why people turn to drink.

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Different

“No, not that one…hmmm that one’s OK…” It has to be different, I have to be different – but do I want to change me? Or others perception of me? Well that’s the easiest question I’ve asked so far! Dreaming of a genie, 3 wishes, teeth that don’t need brushed, weight that stays off, hair that stays on… So why the obsession with different? Is it because I always tried so hard to fit in, without realising I never would? I remember simple pleasures, walking alone. I remember the pressures of walking home from school with others. Enjoying attention, never seeking it, always desiring it. Unsure of my confidence, unwilling to make a fool of myself (THAT’S why I don’t …

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Random

A myriad of disjoined thoughts, flittering about, lighting on reason and logic for the briefest of moments. Related illusions, bare facts, optimism, despair, hope, laughter. Life is odd at the moment, contradicting circumstances are beginning to reflect on each other, the negative affecting the positive. All the time my thoughts refuse to stay hidden, and leap into the forefront of my mind. Not a bad thing, but a distraction nevertheless. The focus shifts again, maybe if… what if… searching for answers, knowing that none will present themselves. Focus shift – the future, gleaming, bright, shiny, new. Obtainable? Easy way out, difficult choices. Salvation as distractions return, day-dream, focus shift. Magpie outside commands the attention – freedom, no choices only instinct. …

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Annoying

It’s annoying sometimes, isn’t it – the way you want to do so much, but seem incapable of doing any of it. I annoy myself constantly, and catch myself frequently promising things I can’t deliver. Regular updates to this site for one! (but hey, I never promised that…did I?) It relates back to plans and promises, and seems an endless circle. Each time I promise anything I get two, sometimes three, steps into it, and stop. I’ll spend less time on the PC – two weeks later I’m back to the usual 1 a.m. stints. I’ll go the gym…tomorrow…I’ll get better organised..well actually that ones not going too badly. The main thing I have to learn, I think, is to …

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Saturday

8th January 2000 – a Saturday night. It was raining, cold, and miserable. We decide on the Balloch Hotel, it has that cosy, homily feel that pubs seem to lack these days. It also DOESN’T have music pumping at 200 decibels (oh god, I’m getting old). So we sat, drank beer, and talked. It was great. We covered recent events in our lifes, discussed what we hoped the future would hold, told crap jokes, and finally, as we always do, started reminiscing. There aren’t many people that I consider as good friends, but on Saturday night, mine were all there. We have been through a lot, laughed, cried, argued and fought. No doubt we will go through more, and remain …

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Upbeat

I enjoy working with computers. It may be sad, but it is true. I will quite happily sit for hours on end, tweaking a database design, updating a website, designing a skin etc etc. I don’t play games on it much. Recently though, it’s been taking over a bit. I’ve been spending more and more time on it, neglecting the important things. At the moment I have this website, Instant Ideas (a resource for hospital radio in the UK), and the Hospital Radio Lennox website which needs drastically updated. We have a couple of databases for our CD’s and video’s and I’m planning one for MiniDisc as well. I am in the midst of creating skins for WinAmp and WindowBlinds …

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Myself

I write a lot about my feelings, my thoughts… but generally as they pertain to others, or how they react to certain situations. Add to that the fact that it is difficult to take a subjective view of one’s self, and, well, it’s no surprise I don’t focus on my internal emotions more. So, without further ado, here is the canned analysis of me. I tend to suffer a lot from envy, in almost every form. I see success and wealth (which I equate as one and the same) and wish it were me….is that envy? I am also far too materialistic. I have to have the latest gadgets, the newest technologies, the coolest accessories. Add to that the simple …

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Third

I’ve known Louise for over 10 years, and we’ve just celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary. She is my friend, my lover, and my wife. She will be the mother of my children (soon darling…soon), and carer of numerous puppies/kittens and maybe even a parrot(?). We have been through a lot together, and survived it all. We now have a relationship that will support us. We can be friends when we want, lovers when we desire, and if it wasn’t for that funny choking thing she does when she brushes her teeth in the morning, the relationship would be perfect (I don’t have any faults…) To outsiders, we may not seem close. We are not a ‘coupley couple’, we don’t go …

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