Breathe and stop


It’s easy to get swept along by life, to grab on to things and go where the current takes you but that’s different from choosing where you want to go, even if that means you have to let go of some things and work hard to keep to your own course.

Breathe.

The above sentence is a wordy way of saying that my counselling is going well and I’m learning more about my own personal motivations, behaviours, and drivers, and that I’m working on changing the ones which are in the ‘not happy making’ camp.

Stop.

Part of that is to stop. Congratulate myself on my achievements, big or small. Some days that achievement is not putting off the hoovering again, some days that achievement is brought by losing weight in the last week, and some days it is simply the fact I existed. I have my own set of rules, internalised, for how I believe (my) life should be lived, and whilst I am slowly picking them apart I’m also stepping back.

Breathe.

It probably started when I first went along to the guided meditation session. Being in that environment made the ‘pause, calm, step back and reflect’ process much easier to get to, but with some practice I’m much more able to achieve it myself these days, I just need to remember to breathe.

Stop.

Baby steps they may be, but I’m still learning more about my own triggers, about the ways I sabotage myself and how my critical self is always waiting on the wings to point out my failures, and slowly I’m finding ways to keep that voice much quieter these days.

Breathe.

On weeks like the one I’m in the midst of this week – from Monday to Sunday I have something on every day and evening – when I get tired and my ‘not happy making’ behaviours creep more and more to the forefront of my mind (for those are the behaviours I’ve been using for a LONG TIME to function in the world) it’s telling that I am much better able to cope without getting (too) stressed.

Stop.

Breathe.

Continue.


Also published on Medium.