I want what I need

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I want to read more.

I want to write more.

I want, I want, I want.

Aside: When I was a kid, my Mum used to say “I want doesn’t get” in response to my ‘want’ tantrums. The phrase stuck with me as I grew older and I’ve always liked it; short, simple, perfectly to the point.

The question is, do I need to do either of those things? Well, it turns out I just might.

Over the festive break I spent some time revisiting my NaNoWriMo effort and enjoyed getting my head back into the world that my novel exists within, it felt exciting and – and this is probably going to sound odd – worthy.

I’ve fought against my own self-view of my laziness as long as I can remember, in fact it’s been so long that I can’t even remember where it stems from. I am not, by any definition, all that lazy yet part of my brain insists that I am. I know I have inherited my ‘pottering’ nature from my Dad, my brain constantly ticking over with little things to do around my flat, or more likely on the computer, so most days I always get something done, even if it’s just a few basic chores.

Anyway, having recently had a couple of days away from the internet, with a limited selection of things to do, I realised how refreshing it was not to have quite so many options, my whelm was not over’d, my decision fatigue was not overly taxing and that felt kinda nice for a change. I can totally understand why President Obama has only two colours of suit to reduce the number of decisions he has to make in any way he can (if he was being really brutal, of course, he’d only have one colour of suit but hey, life still needs a little variety!).

The lack of (decent) internet connection was because the four of us that make up our little poly family had retreated to a lodge on the banks of Loch Lomond for Hogmanay, and we’d decided to stay on for a couple of nights into the new year. I’d taken some books, a few games (Exploding Kittens was fun), some colouring-in, and my laptop to let me read over my NaNoWriMo work. We barely had the TV on except for Hogmanay – Hootenanny! – and, aside from a few short walks to get some fresh air, it was a very relaxing time.

It was a great few days of rest and relaxation.

Don’t get me wrong, returning home  to high speed internet was great, but I was immediately aware of having many more decisions to make, my Sky subscription and PS4 clamoring for my attention, not to mention some catchup chores to do.

So I did the chores, played a little FIFA on the PS4 and then turned everything off and sat in my leather Eames chair and read a book. By the time I was ready for bed I actually felt ready for bed, rather than my ‘normal’ state of ‘oh-crap-look-at-the-time-I-should-go-and-try-and-sleep-now’.

The next day I woke up and had the same number of choices, and it was then that it struck me that I am still ‘wasting time. So I’ve cancelled my Sky subscription (as I was just about out of contract) and haved moved to BT – I still want to be able to watch some sport and it has NBA coverage – and I’ve got some ideas of how not to better prioritise my down-time.

This all falls under the banner of my longer term decluttering/minimising goals, the whole point of which is to give myself every chance to be happy and content with my life (which I am, which proves it’s working, which is pushing me to do more to be even happier!). This has all been a few years in the making, and there is probably still a few years to go (after all, it takes a long time to eat an Elephant), but the more I get into it, the more I realise how much I need to do this, how much I need to have a balance to my life even though I’m not always the greatest at maintaining it.

Of course, it’s the turn of the year, willpower and hope run high but I’m doing my best to temper my aspirations in line with reality. There will still be days all I want to do is sit in front of the TV and become one with my sofa. And that’s why God invented Netflix (she’s* a clever one, that God), Amazon Prime TV, and blankets.

* Female pronoun borrowed from @TechnicallyRongo buy his book, it’s fab!
(Yes, I get, like, 3p if you buy it through that link. No, this entire post is not an advertise for his damn book, I just really liked and think many of you will too, it’s an ‘internet people’ kinda thing, look, just buy it, ok?)