You do not know me.
I do not know all of me.
What you read here is not me. It is a small part, a feather plucked from my plummage.
Sometimes it is shiny and bright, the dazzling blue shimmering in the sun. Sometimes it is dull and brown, a soft down of comfort. Occasionally the feather is jet black, absorbing light, hanging heavy on the page.
And that’s the thing, we are all complex people (we are all our own unique fucking snowflake) and through social media we can pick and choose which parts of us we expose.
Some people enjoy the peacocking of social media, their lives painted in vivid technicolour, bright daubs of achievement are all you ever see. You marvel and admire how shiny their life is, how wonderful they are, how aspirational to be so luminous!
But of course that isn’t them, not the real them. They will have days where they achieve nothing, they experience doubt, they have insecurities. Their lives are not perfect. The facsimile does not reveal all.
You are not missing out. You are no worse than them.
You are no better than them.
Everyone has dark moments, shadows they try and ignore. Everyone can be mean, short-tempered, impatient, annoying and selfish. It is in all of us. Some people know their shadow well enough to be able to angle the light just so, tricking your eyes into thinking it doesn’t exist. Moments of blackness flit past your eyes and are gone before they can be recognised.
A polished act. A mask.
Everyone has a shadow, but I think the trick is to embrace it, to welcome it in and know it better. Let it become a manageable part of who you are, rather than a face that you hide away. Acknowledge it, speak honestly and openly to it, and hopefully you can find a balance that suits you both.
You and your shadow.
I’m have been pretty candid on here at times but there remains some things I have not, and will not, write about.
My dark places are mine, my shadow does not loom over me but follows me quietly. We both like it that way.