I’ve use this word a lot and over the years finding emotional balance has become increasingly important to me as I start to understand how I work and function best. In the past I’ve been very guilty of taking on too much, either explicitly or without realising, and leaving myself open to the big dark clouds that occasionally loom when I start to failing to deliver on my promises or living up to (perceived) expectations.
Thankfully I’ve gotten past a lot of that and, whilst I will always want to try and make things better for people, to fix things that are broken, and generally try and make sure that the people I care about are happy, I know it’s not just down to me to find the balance in my relationships.
These days I’m think I’m getting better at picking up only the things I need to, although I’m still learning which issues and problems aren’t mine, something which takes on a whole new dimension in a set of poly relationships. If someone is upset or worried about someone else, should I be upset or worried too?
On top of my own character flaws and foibles, adding in not one but two loving relationships brings new considerations and I’ve found both the need for, and the challenge of, maintaining balance across those brought into sharp focus.
Whilst it can be hard to find that centre point it’s definitely not impossible. There are some simple tips we’ve picked up from others that help; Balancing time is managed by shared calendars for example, and everyone understands that we all need our own space from time to time. But of course it’s not quite that simple and I’m realising that the trick is understanding that having the time and taking the time are two very different things.
Understanding each others expectations plays a part as well; knowing how much time someone wants or needs, how much time the other person I want to see has to give, what the other person wants to do when you see them (stop giggling at the back!), all that, and much more, can impact the balance and has the potential to leave people feeling either neglected, exhausted, or overwhelmed (sometimes all at once).
So it’s a challenge. But that doesn’t mean it isn’t worth it. Arriving at the end of a week feeling loved, realising that you can be happy for days on end (no matter what else life throws at you), and knowing that you are very lucky to have so much love and affection in your life, well I think that’s well worth a few changes and compromises here and there.