… and for the purposes of this post, I’ll play ‘the ugly’ (shut it at the back!).
We were out and about last weekend and enjoyed a fun-filled evening at Cabaresque, a cabaret/burlesque show organised by some friends. It’s all for charity and as most of the audience and acts, know each other, it’s a great laugh (although I feel sorry for the two comedians as they probably got some very specific heckles they won’t have had to deal with in the past!).
Part way through there is a raffle, and this year we won two prizes! I also went up to collect a third on behalf of someone who couldn’t really walk in her shoes… so most of the audience, and the host, thought I’d won three times. So when it turned out that there had been a slight mistake and one of the prizes we’d won actually contained something that was meant as a separate prize, I ended up getting a bit of stick from the audience.
All good natured fun, and the night ended up raising just over £1000! Brilliant stuff.
Not a bad way to spend a Saturday night, a few drinks, a lot of laughs, a singalong and burlesque (and boylesque) dancing. Aces!
That extra prize we won was nipple tassles, the audience quickly caught on and started demanding that I put them on and model them.
A few minutes before, bearing in mind I’d had some dutch courage and I’m a pretty loud outgoing guy (on the surface), I’d hammed it up a bit whilst collecting the prize.
So how would they know that, especially at the moment, I’m very conscious of my body and that there was no way in hell I was taking my shirt off, obviously they had no idea.
I’m glad I didn’t let it spoil my night, even though it could’ve.
However, it did highlight that, no matter how much I try and laugh it off, that my current state of mind on my body image isn’t in a good place.
I am taking steps, small ones, to changing it but I’m finding it much harder than it was last year when I seemed to fall into a healthier lifestyle (both exercise and food) much more easily.
What’s especially annoying is that, contrary to last year, I’ve fewer distractions, fewer ‘life events’ happening and in almost every other aspect of my life things are going well (fantastically well!) so that leaves me pondering why, when I should have more energy to deal with this, I’m still not able to get a proper handle on it.
Things are, slowly and steadily, starting to change. I’m consciously trying to be relaxed about it, trying to be measured and accept whatever happens. I think that’s spilling out into other areas of my life as well. I feel much more relaxed about other things, the usual stress triggers don’t seem to be pushing the same buttons any more.
It’s never good when someone else highlights something you already have marked down as a flaw or, in my case, as a failure. But I’m putting that behind me and moving on.