I am cool again!

It’s a revelation to me as well, so I’ll pause to let you digest that juicy title.

*pauses*

OK, so it’s stretching the truth a bit, well a lot, well it’s entirely possible that it’s downright lie but let us move on lest I lose all self-esteem and realise just how far I am from being cool.

Dammit. Too late. Well I guess it’s fair to say that I’m about as cool as a volcano spewing molten lava and ash into the air.

And yes, not only am I not cool but I’m also never ever topical.

So I should really work in some obscure World Cup reference I guess, comparing my innate lack of cool to the composure shown by most English football players when asked to kick the ball 12 yards.

Regardless, let us step back a few hours to the moment my revelation was unveiled to me by one of those printed things you can buy in shops these days. You know the ones, lots and lots of adverts printed on glossy pages, stapled or glued together but which lack any cover of merit. I am, in a most roundabout way, referring to a magazine. Specifically one that I used to buy quite often and which, as I found myself wandering past said magazines, caught my eye once more.

The magazine in question is that veritable tome of music knowledge, Q.

Why not, I thought, and ohh look, it has a free CD of “most exciting new acts” (15 of them, and they are “on the planet” too, which is lucky).

I didn’t really look at much else, as I was running a little late, so I paid for and left with said magazine safely tucked under my arm.

When I got home I had a quick look at the attached CD and it does indeed have 15 tracks from 15 bands that are on this planet but I’m not quite sure they are the most exciting new acts… not anymore at least.

It was at this point I (thought I) realised how cool I am.

Why?

Because of the 15 bands, I’ve got (and have had for several months in most cases) albums by 7 of them, and have seen 2 of them live.

I’m THAT FRICKIN’ COOL!!

The bubble was soon burst though, as the front cover of said magazine was questioning who would ‘win’ at Glastonbury, Muse or U2.

Oh. Right. Published last month then.

And, of course, Q magazine was never, and will never, be cool.

Do you know why?

Because everytime I buy a copy, there is always, ALWAYS, some interview of snippet or other random piece of information about JON BON FUCKING JOVI!!!

Which, and I’m sure you’ll all agree, is really not fucking cool at all.

One comment

  1. I got given a subscription to Q more than a decade ago, and never quite got round to cancelling it. It was comfortable and it was readable. I quite liked reading the new release reviews and all that kind of jazz. But then at the start of the year, I realised that it was shit. It may have been shit for years, but it was getting worse and worse with every issue. Sponsored articles, top 100 lists of EVERYTHING YOU COULD THINK OF, a list of the “Artists of the Century” that included McCartney. Really? What’s he done in the last 10 years? Enough. I canned my subscription and I’ve been a happier man since.
    I can’t quite bring myself to subscribe to Word either…. I quite like reading it, but the air of smugness is unmistakeable.
    ST

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