Thank fuck

Contrary to popular belief, where “popular” refers to all my tens of readers and “belief” refers to the scant notion that any of you buggers have anything even approaching morals let alone a belief system, I am not completely brainwashed by our friends across the pond.

You know, them Merkin folk. The ones with the new president.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m no hater of the United States of America but there is something about this thanksgiving holiday they have that irks me in a way not dissimilar to that feeling you get when you have a stone in your shoe but it’s raining so you can’t stop to remove it and have to plod on and on through puddles with a HUGE JAGGED ROCK slashing into your foot with every step.

Actually that’s not strictly true.

I mean the stone in your shoe thing is, despite the fact we all know that that stone is little more than a teeny tiny ickle pebble the damn thing feels huge and horrid when it’s creeping about in your shoe. That’s another thing that’s annoying about getting a stone in your shoe the way the stones will shuffle and move whilst you walk, making each step a little adventure. Well not an adventure so much as it gives you a slightly odd looking shuffling gait.

I think I’m getting sidetracked.

Ohh yes, Merkin Thanksgiving.

I realise it’s a big deal over there, really I do, but the entire world does not actually give a stuff(ing) about your holiday. I’m sure you are all over the pilgrims and indians and are thankful that you have the bestest celebrities in the world (evah!) but can you please keep the noise down? Whilst I am very thankful you have elected a new President, and doubly thankful that you chose Barack Obama, the rest of that nonsense you can keep to yourself.

This blog post is courtesy of having received three separate and unrelated emails from various Merkin companies, all wishing me a GREAT THANKSGIVING!!

Seriously. Fuck off.

13 comments

  1. Actually, having to live here for once, I’m understanding for the first time that this is the one actual holiday that is not about consumerism or religion, but really, actually, about wanting to spend time with your family. On a personal level I appreciate that, because
    a) I always begrudge that the elders of my family think Christmas is about jesus and not about spending time with the alive people on earth who actually count and
    b) my family and other loved ones are a long long way away and I miss them all a lot, because I’ve watched all these other families rushing to come together.

    So you’ll hate hate HATE the over-affectionate thing I just posted on my site and asked other people to join in on:
    http://littleredboat.co.uk/?p=2961

    Because I am thankful – SHIT! NO! – I am grateful for things. And actually I like having an excuse to say so.

  2. I have my own version of ThanksGiving, which is usually on Mayflower Day (Sept 16th), and works on the concept of “Thank christ we got rid of all those puritanical motherfuckers over to that big rock. Let’s hope we don’t see the pious twats again

  3. Oh, for goodness sake, cut the poor colonials some slack: they’re just overcompensating because they don’t have Guy Fawkes Night; or a Queen; or proper British squash; and because they have to wear pants instead of trousers.

  4. Hey Anna – I like to spend more than 2 days a year having ‘special time’ with my family and also like choosing those days myself not having them imposed on me. Christmas IS about Jesus actually AND about family. Sadly He had to give up being with His family.

  5. mum – weird calling you that, you’re not my mum – Is christmas really about jesus anymore? For most people? For the millions of people who won’t go to church, won’t pray or say grace or anything at all, but will eat a good meal and spend time with their whole family at once, it’s an important holiday for them too. Don’t lecture me on what ‘He’ had to do, I am fully aware of the stories and tenets of Christianity, grew up with them and rejected them. And please don’t take that tone, it’s very aggressive, don’t you think? So you’re a Christian. Good for you. I’m not. We differ. Family is important to us both.

    And I’m not saying you can’t spend more than two days a year with your family, go right ahead, absolutely no one is stopping you – good for you. I’d like to too. I can’t. So thanks for that.

  6. Whoah, dude… three emails seems a little insignificant to get you all a-hootin’ ‘n a-hollerin’ so I can only assume someone’s been holding you down and force feeding you tinned pumpkins? Personally, I’d love to be over there this time of year with all them leftovers. Thank goodness we don’t live in a country where holidays are often named after major financial institutions with fat cat execs who habitually lie to their employees and… oh wait…

  7. All I get is emails asking me if I would like to increase the size of my penis. Which would be a miracle, since I don’t have one.

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