I’m a grown man. Well, as grown as a man can ever be, and I’m figuring that I’ll never really stop being a small child. Not really. I mean look at the evidence; the toys of our childhood remain but are now called gadgets, as children we were never happier than when we were being looked after and now we use man-flu as an excuse to revert to that behaviour, and of course as babies we fixated on one pair of breasts and as adults, well pretty much anyones will do.
And yes, the latter still applies regardless of sexuality. Show me a gay man who doesn’t wonder over a buxom lady and I’ll show you… actually no, let’s leave that one alone for now.
As I was saying, I’m (considered by some) a grown man yet occasionally I find myself forgetting that fact and reverting to embarassingly childlike outbursts.
Let me pause here and ask you to cast your minds back to the original movie version of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Got it? Now, picture Veruca Salt in the nut room, singing her little lungs out:
I want a party with roomfuls of laughter
Ten thousand tons of ice cream
And if I don’t get the things I am after
I’m going to screamI want the works
I want the whole works
Presents and prizes
And sweets and surprises
Of all shapes and sizesAnd now
Don’t care how, I want it now
Don’t care how, I want it now
Apologies, that’ll probably now be stuck in your ear for the rest of the day.
Well, to my horror I reenacted a similar scene today.
Except I wasn’t in Willy Wonka’s factory, nor was I in the egg sorting room. I also wasn’t wearing a red dress with a white lace colour (I keep that for weekends).
Instead I was at home, marvelling at the inadequacy of the customer support offered by Pixmania. Having ordered a new camera through them, they were second cheapest but I get some back through Quidco, I’ve been tracking the purchase.
It had cleared every stage in their process up to the delivery point by yesterday afternoon so when I check again just after lunch, and saw that no further progress had been made, I contacted their customer support via email asking what the delay was, and if I could get an update.
The response I got back was “Your order has been validated and is scheduled for delivery shortly.”
Yeah. I already knew that you muppets!!
And after shouting at the computer screen for a while I realised what folly it was and I slowly backed away in horror. What the hell was I doing? Pixmania clearly stated 3-4 working days from order to delivery and I am still well within that time frame, what was I getting so het up about??
With everything on-demand, instant-on, available now, it’s easy to get caught up in the hype and make unrealistic expectations. Sure, the customer support email I got back from Pixmania would’ve been better received if it wasn’t so blatantly auto-generated, but what was I really complaining about?
Ahh yes, information. Or the lack thereof. Funny how that seems to be the root cause for so much tension and anger.
Anyway, I’m calm now. Almost.
I got my new toy from buyacamera.co.uk and I have to say they were not only the cheapest but also quick … and how is Ollie doing?
Sometimes it happens the way you think it should though.
Last week, I rang 3 mobile (I know, I know), and told them my phone needed repairing. They said they’d pick it up the next day, and I’d have it back in three working days.
I hung up thinking “no fucking way dude”, but then they picked it up the next day, and I had it back in three working days, before I even got to the “repeatedly checking status of delivery/order” stage.
Probably the exception to the rule, though.
Update: I now have a tracking number with ParcelForce. Upon entering said number in their tracker website I get the following message:
“Progress of the parcel you’ve enquired about is displayed below.”
Guess what is “displayed below”?
NOTHING!!!
Christ on a bike, even a “no information available” message would be something.. you can’t just leave it blank. Fudgeknackers!!
1) Gordon have you had your blood pressure checked recently?
2) Is this camera’s arrival going to save someone’s life?
3) Have you found a plumber yet?
4) Watch Ollie you will never see him stressed about ‘stuff’ ..just his next meal!
5) Have you thought about meditation?
6) When it does arrive you will probably have to go to the depot to pick it up anyway… word of warning..some people get their cars bumped there.. (young Mrs L) so ask someone who can walk there to collect it. If its our town that would be me.
Ian’s Mum (can’t I use your real name??)
1. Blood pressure is high, always is as I’m overweight, I don’t stress about that.
2. No, not that I know of…
3. No but did jot down a number yesterday, we’ve decided to hold off until we come back from Spain.
4. I dunno, he gets pretty stressed when one of his balls rolls under the sofa… ohhh..
5. Yes I have. And Tai Chi and.. lots of others.
6. It’s getting delivered to work, where we have 24/7 staff so it’ll picked up here.
And don’t worry, I’m not really stressing, call it artistic license… I don’t actually stress about that much, a bit like Ian… although I’m not quite as horizontal as he is.
4. Surely his balls have rolled under the vet’s sofa?