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A question for the Gents in the audience. In a male toilet, which has both cubicles (for Number Twos) and urinals (for Number Ones), why would you put the seat UP?

And, to revisit an old topic: If there are three urinals, which one do you never stand at?

Toilet enquiries aside I’m in a glorious mood which is entirely down to the wonderful weather we have had over the past two days. Yesterday was blanketed, from horizon to horizon, in vibrant shimmering blue and we actually held a short de-brief session outside and I guess there is a possibility that we ran the meeting a little longer than strictly necessary. Today is a little cooler but equally sunny, these truly are the days.

However, and I realise my recent experience with a convertible car may be making me a little sensitive to this issue, there is a new law I would like to introduce. Quite simply, if it’s above 20C, with no visible cloud in the sky, and you are driving a convertible you MUST put the bloody roof down! In fact, rather than penalising the drivers, I think the law should target the car manufacturers. From here forth, every convertible must have a “gorgeous sunny day” detector which automatically puts the roof down. 7 different cars, that I counted, were seen driving along last night with the roof up. It’s a crime I tell you!

Elsewhere I’m slowly finishing off a redesign of my ‘oneman’ brand, scuppered only by my inadequate knowledge of Photoshop. All I want to do is take a white image on a black background and reverse it to be a black image on a white background. Shouldn’t be that hard but, so far, it’s escaped me.

And I really need to get that done because I’ve a potential client to phone (tonight probably) and another one on the way (she’s busy right now but that’ll kick in next week probably).

It’s almost a wonder how I’m going to manage to go out for dinner tomorrow night. Admittedly the facts that it’s a favourite restaurant and my parents are paying may have had some influence on the decision…

And, yeah. I MAY be in Glasgow on Saturday morning, and MAY happen to be in the vicinity of the new Apple store, but it’s really just because we need to get some shopping done and.. umm… wanted to spend some time wandering about Glasgow, with my camera obviously. Yeah….

19 comments

  1. I don’t understand your toilet question. You’d put the seat down to sit on it, surely?

    Photoshop: Image | Adjustments | Invert? [or Ctrl+I in Windows]

  2. Ahhh sorry David, corrected to say what I meant, why would you put the seat UP?

    And thanks to you both. I did say I wasn’t any good in PhotoShop..

  3. If all the urinals are busy and you need to pee, you use a cubicle.

    If you put the seat up, the next person who uses the cubicle for number twos doesn’t sit on a wet seat.

  4. I still don’t understand the toilet question. Have you gone in somewhere and the seat has been up? Oops sorry this is a Gents question, bye.

  5. Photoshop: Answered
    Urinals: Start with the one near the wall, then move to the other one. The middle one is a spacer and can never be used.
    Cubicals: So the question has been answered. my question is, why if the urinals are all busy, and you use a cubical DO YOU NOT put the seat up and piss all over the seat. The amount of times I go into a cubical in a bar etc and find the seat covered with piss is frankly getting a bit ridiculous.

    It’s been shity grey wankery weather here for 3 days. Weekends due to be good, so I suspect you’ll get the shity grey wankery weather now.

  6. Adrian – I KNEW you’d get the urinals question right. Well done that man.

    Pandora – yes there is always the ‘cubicle for pee’ to be considered, very true.

    And as for PhotoShop, yes I’d found Invert but the Layers and “off-black” colour I was using was causing the confusion. As ever, PEBCAK.

  7. For most, if not all gents toilet (or “restroom”) rules, take a look at “male restroom etiquette“, which deals with spacing and usage of up to 5 urinals, and the end of civilisation as we know if.

    Re the toilet seat question, so you don’t have to wipe the pee off it afterwards. Or, if there’s already pee on it, pee away! I mean who really gives a fuck anyway?

    On the convertibles driving with their roofs down, I agree. Anyone seen driving around in a rag-top with the roof up on a beautiful day should have the roof of their car permanently nailed shut.

    On the “onemandoesthings” front, any progress on that amazing unified RSS feed thing I asked about before? Because that would rock, even if your logo was drawn in crayon and scanned in as a .bmp by a retarded, lobotomised monkey.

    WHY IS THERE NO APPLE STORE IN DUBLIN? It’s positively criminal.

  8. Sorry if I make you uncomfortable, but if the middle urinal is empty when I need to go, I’m taking it. Man laws be damned!

  9. Rob!! but… but… YOU CAN’T!! You’ll get thrown out of man-dom.. or something…

    As Matt has been naggi… asking for an RSS Feed of “Everything” I’ve updated my Super Duper Trough of Information.

    Those of you with firefox may see a small orange button up there next to the URL of this site (the bit that says http://www.onemanblogs…), if you click that you’ll get a list of all the feeds available.

    But if you can’t manage that, here it is right here. Be warned. It is EVERYTHING.

  10. I’ll give you your roofs down in summer. But 20 degrees is winter. Summer starts at 26+

    And what’s then with your brits driving with roofs down in mid mid winter

  11. Some men have such a performance shyness that they always use a cubicle, regardless of the number (1 or 2) being done.

    As well, I wandered drunkenly into a toilet the other day, and got very confused because there were no urinals at all. So I was forced to do my business in one of the cubicles. Of course, it was only on my way out that I noticed I had being using the Ladies.

    @Matt: I second your chargrin about the lack of an Apple store in Dublin. The so-called authorised Apple resellers in the city centre all seem to be rubbish.

  12. Some men use cubicles when they are nursing a semi. Others when they are latent homophobic-ish and are not comfortable whipping it out in specific environments. Or if they are so famous they fear that someone will turn and say “Blimey, it’s you” and pee on their shoes.

    Or if they are either really small or really whopping.

  13. I’m pretty sure the tops-off rule is ‘anytime it is not raining’ – a Biggles hat and goggles come in handy though (scarf and humming the theme to The Dam Busters is optional).

  14. Ian – is this when you are in the toilet or when in the car with the top down? (the goggles will certainly avoid splashes in your eye in either place…)

  15. ….humming the Dam Busters while trying the bouncing bomb effect? Sorry Gordon, getting too silly – time to put me in the home.

  16. I used to have a boyfriend who would always use the cubicle even if he wanted a wee. He claimed he just couldn’t go if anyone was looking over his shoulder. In much the same way, I imagine, that I find myself completely unable to type if anyone’s watching me, whereas generally I can touch-type at about 70 words a minute.

  17. I have mulled this further and the obvious answer is that a woman has sneaked into the Gents loo – because the queue for the Ladies was too long – and feeling ashamed at her outrageous behaviour, has consciously lifted the seat, knowing that that is the default position for male loos.

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