Questions Answered #14

In a desperate effort to gain some weird form of validation, I stole an idea for a blog post and begged my readers to ask me a question. And they did. The buggers. Now I have to answer them.

Ally asks “‘Chips’ or ‘The Dukes of Hazzard’?” and, unbeknownest to her, doesn’t give me much to work with (what a great word “unbeknownest” is… must use it more often). Having seen less than one episode of CHiPs in my life (did I get the caps right there?) and several of Daisy Duke… er.. the Dukes of Hazzard there isn’t really any competition.

I’m guessing this was down to scheduling times or something, with CHiPs possibly on at the same time as Bonanza or some such but, regardless of the reason, I never really watched it. At least if I did, it’s been largely wiped from my memory. Aside from some fairly stock ‘morning briefings’ and rather rubbish chases out onto country lanes it was just kinda lame.

Unlike those wild boys from Hazzard Country, driving round at break neck speed, getting up to all kinds of shenanigans, and terrorising Sheriff ROOSKOOOPEEEKOOTRAIN and the wee round white dude in the white suit, all of which remain imprinted on my brain to this day.

Despite the fact they seemed to drive around in circles a lot, the Dukes (Bo and Luke) had a lot going for them. Firstly they seemed to have a way of slowing down time when the car was leaping over a gorge, they seemed to spend more time than is healthy firing flaming arrows from crossbows (and everyone knows that fire is cool, crossbows are cool so together they are, like, uber-cool… or something), and, of course there was the General Lee. A big bright orange muscle car, that looked fantastic as it whirled round and round fields and dirt roads, with the odd minor detour to circle a large oak tree several times (something which used to flummox the Sheriff for some reason). While I’ve yet to slide across the bonnet of a car, one day I will, you mark my words! Or, more likely, I’ll mark the bonnet..

And as if all that wasn’t enough, appearing as a vision in.. well.. slutiness I guess.. there was Daisy. As a young, and fairly impressionable boy, this woman who wiggled around in teeny tiny shorts (which were probably a lot longer than my memory suggests) was .. well it was completely new to me anyway. You certainly didn’t see many pairs of denim cutoff shorts like THAT in Dumbarton. Probably because it would’ve lead to a lot of pasty white flesh jiggling around and, let’s be honest, they only really suit ladies with a tan, great legs and killer gluteus maximi a cute tushy. She is probably the first woman to make me realise, or at least begin to consider, that woman could be exciting. Even if I wasn’t sure why I thought she was exciting, because frankly I didn’t care. I was young and in lust!

So, adding it all up, the good ole boys of Hazzard County easily whup the ass of those uniform clad softies from California.

And no, I’m not gonna start on anything that even hints of ‘homosexual sub-plots’… but, come on… CHiPs. They were, weren’t they?

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