(arrived via email from regular commentee “Splinter” (that’s not his real name ya know))
- Life is a sexually transmitted condition.
- Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.
- Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see one without an erection, make him a sandwich.
- Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.
- Some people are like a Slinky… not really good for anything, but you still can’t help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.
- Health freaks are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.
- All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.
- Why does a slight tax increase cost you 50 quid and a substantial tax cut saves you 50p?
- In the 60s, people took LSD to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.
AND THE NUMBER 1 THOUGHT FOR 2006:We know exactly where any untaxed car is located among the millions of cars in Britain. But we haven’t got a clue as to where thousands of illegal immigrants and terrorists are located. Maybe we should put the DVLA in charge of immigration?
And yes, I’m still laughing at number three…