Month: March 2006

bookmark_borderThe Book Title Meme

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Don’t let the title put you off, this is no ordinary meme. Firstly, and for a change, I know who started it, but most of all this meme requires a fair amount of pondering and no small amount of writing – after all, you’ll be trying to match up to a published author! Enough of my waffle then – there are six parts to this meme, instructions included for clarity.

1. The Dying of Delight
“Briefly describe an aspect of your life for which ‘The Dying Of Delight’ would be an apt title.”

The state of delightedness, of enchantment, is hard to attain. So hard that many people stop trying and let themselves be grind down by the machinations of life. They’re too busy, too important, too stressed, too hurried to let delight creep into their lives. Take a look around you, everywhere you look you’ll see it, the mirroring of lost souls reflected softly and completely in the ripples of a puddle, a leaf cartwheeling and spinning along the pavement.

I refuse this state. Not constantly, nor with any great zeal or vigour but steadily and continually. My delight will not be left to dribble away, to become so muted as to be ignored regardless of the events of my life. I refuse.

For without delight what have we? Darkness descending, and everything you care for pushed away, held away at arms length and beyond. I refuse.

My delight may fade, sputter and spin in the wind but I will not let it be extinguished. Life without delight is surely too terrible and morose to contemplate, and leads down a path I’ve trodden before. Once more I refuse.

OK, that wasn’t in keeping with the spirit of things but it’s what came out…

2. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time
“Pick another book whose title has some resonance in your life, and write a little about it.”

The book deals, in a roundabout way, with seeing things from a different point of view and I guess it’s something I’ve always thought I did quite well. I occasionally put it down to the fact that I’m a Libra, but as I don’t really believe in that kind of nonsense I guess I should really try and pin it down with something a little more concrete (a large piece of masonry perhaps?).

I can remember, whilst still at school, hearing about someone’s older sister who had become a diplomat. I can remember looking the word up, and the definition of diplomatic stuck in my head. I can remember thinking “I could do that”, and for a long time time I believed I could.

Fast forward twenty years and I know now – ain’t hindsight wonderful – that I’m not as diplomatic as I thought, and that whilst I can usually see both sides of each story and usually find it easy to empathise with the other person, I’m frequently becoming more and more intolerant and rigid in my views. Liberals are too liberal, conservatives too conservative, and nowhere can I find a middle ground that suits me.

For a while I lost my ability to see things from a different point of view and, if I’m honest, it was hugely liberating and scared me shitless. From being a considerate and thoughtful human being I suddenly became a single-minded, blinkered shadow of myself. I didn’t like it one bit.

These days I treasure my ability to view things from a different angle, to see the other side, and ultimately to understand that other people have to do things the way they do them, even if I don’t understand the reason why.

3. What Women Want Men to Know
“Write one more short personal piece – one which matches the book title chosen (in part 2) by the person who tagged you.”

The glib answer would be something witty and comic, a good old fashioned sexist comment like “they want you to know what they WANT without them knowing themselves” or something simpler like “they want you to know that if you leave the toilet seat up one more time they’ll place your knackers under it and slam it shut”…

The real answer is harder to find because I’m not entirely sure I know any of the answers. I’m still learning you see, and maybe that’s the best way. Rather than presume what I THINK women want men to know, by which I mean what Louise wants me to know, it’s better to work from the assumption that you need to listen, learn and constantly re-evaluate everything you think you knew.

That sounds very tiring but trust me, when it’s with someone you love that’s half the fun! (the other half I can’t mention on here… my Mum reads this you know..)

4. The Dying of Delight
“Take your favourite little-known book and plug it to your readers. Authors need incomes, and word of mouth is one of the best ways to sell books.”

Is this cheating? Possibly, but it’s the best “little-known” book I’ve read in a long long time, so why the hell not. Here’s what I had to say about it. Now visit www.TheDyingOfDelight.co.uk and see if you’d like a copy for yourself.

5. Sit back and marvel at the magnificence of this meme.
It was brought to you by an out-of-breath author, reduced (on account of her publisher* having expired) to trundling copies of her book across the internet on a rusty old trolley with one wheel missing, sweating and shouting “Buy me book, Gov?” Now visit www.TheDyingOfDelight.co.uk and see if you’d like a copy for yourself.

6 .Tag five people with this meme
Whether the people I’m tagging have the time, or inclination, will be seen but I’ve chosen carefully.

First up, that book reader extraordinaire, Karen. Then, in no particular order (and without introduction as it’s late and I’m knackered) Clair, Daisy, Lyle and, to try and tempt him back into blogland, Mr. Hg.

bookmark_borderWhoosh

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The Guinness Surger sounds a bit like a bad American car but it’s actually a clever wee ultrasonic widget. Plug it in, add a spot of water to the base, sit a glass of cold, freshly poured, Guinness atop and WHOOOSH (check the video on the page).

I have to admit that I could happily lose an afternoon in the pub just watching pints of Guinness settle. There is something mesmerising and hypnotic about watching the black and cream blend and split, swirling round the glass, a tiny maelstrom settles to deliver it’s delicious payload.

Mind you, I’m pretty sure that, after a few “oooohhh” and “ahhhh” moments, the Surger would end up consigned to the depths of the bottom kitchen drawer where it would meet all those other helpful gadgets. You know the type, they are usually remnants of Modern Home Exhibitions where, with unbridled awe, you watch a demonstration of the “twirly cucumber cutter” or the “quick chip maker” and eagerly hand over bundles of notes only to find that what you really should have bought was the person demonstrating them. These people are a unique race and are the only people on the face of the planet that can operate them… thinking about it now I wonder if they were, in fact, aliens. Hmmmm. Would explain a lot, the gormless leer, the careful delivery of the presentation, the way they easily handled a gadget that you obviously need at least three pairs of hands to operate properly… yes, it’s all beginning to fit now!

Enough nonsense. Expect a ‘new’ meme tomorrow, and have a great weekend.

Anyway, where are my glasses? No not those ones, those ones.

bookmark_borderDamned lies

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A boring post about website statistics follows. Feel free to scroll on down to the next post which may, or may not be more entertaining. What? You want a LINK to the next post? You lazy bugger…

Last month (or was it the month before?) I asked you for recommendations for a new stats package for this site. I had used Extreme Tracker and SiteMeter for a while and had always got inconsistent results, timeouts and generally have been unimpressed. Now, whilst I’ll happily admit to being a bit of a stats whore, long gone are the days when I care how many hits I get, it’s much more fun seeing where you all come from. That’s not to say the numbers aren’t useful… and they are most certainly welcomed.

As an aside, one of the casualties in my constant hunt for a decent stats package, not to mention my all too frequent changing of hosts (from … umm… something to LineOne, to Telewest, to 1and1, and now currently with 34sp) coupled with my non-existent archiving notions means that I have no earthly idea how many people, in total, have visited my website since it made it’s thunderous arrival on the interweb… ok, it was a tiny squeak, barely a ripple, a trend which continues today.

Taking some of your suggestions I have been running with StatCounter, Google Analytics, MeasureMap and MyBlogLog for a while now. Add in my hosts own stats and I’ve got far too much information to access and process, so let the cull begin! But first a little comparison to see which one best suits my needs.

Accuracy
Roll back to the first week in March (actually from the 27th February to the 4th of March) and here are the numbers each stats package gave me:

Package Unique Hits Returning visitors
StatCounter 1665 549
Google Analytics 1278 627
MyBlogLog 1144 NA
MeasureMap 989 ~445

I’m not including the stats offered by my host as they are HUGELY different and the terminology is a bit cack and I can’t quite figure out how to analyse it.. not that important anyway as I don’t need to do anything to collect those, they’re just there.

As you can see, the numbers vary quite a bit, and whilst Google Analytics and MyBlogLog are close enough on the Unique Hits, the difference between them and MeasureMap is pronounced, doubly so when you look at what StatCounter thinks.

Opinion
It’s one thing being smart enough to collate data, but it seems it’s quite another thing altogether to be smart enough to display that data in a meaningful, easy to read way. I could spend hours deconstructing each package but I just don’t have the time, nor the energy. Suffice to say that:

  • StatCounter isn’t too bad, uses real english, and only suffers because it isn’t completely free (my, what a world we live in)
  • Google Analytics is awful. Slow to update, a complete bear to use and far too complicated for the likes of me. To be fair though, it’s not AIMED at the likes of me (although that’s no excuse for shoddy UI and meaningless terminology).
  • MyBlogLog strictly speaking this isn’t really a stats package per se. It’s primary aim is to let you see which links people have used to leave your site. And it does a bang up job of doing just that. Recommended.
  • MeasureMap – it’s clean, colourful and simple. Too simple really as it lacks weekly and monthly views, crucial if you want to see trends. But that should be balanced against the fact it is soft on the eye and easy to use.
  • 34sp Stats are achingly complete. Alas they suffer from meaningless terminology syndrome making all that data practically useless. Unless, of course, I am reading it correctly, and I DID receive over 20,000 visitors in the first week of March.

I should mention that MeasureMap was recently bought by Google, meaning that either Google Analytics will benefit from having Mr. Veen on board, or MeasureMap will benefit from having the backing of Google. Or both as both products are aimed at different markets.

Anyway, based on the above, I’ve dropped Google Analytics. StatCounter has become my daily stat check location, and I know that my 34sp Stats are churning away in the background if I want a really detailed look at things (I’ve not looked at them since before Xmas mind you). MeasureMap I’ll stick with for a while and see what influence Google brings, and MyBlogLog keeps on doing exactly what it says on the tin.

Sorted.

Until I spotted Performancing Metrics (which does look pretty good). Back to the drawing board?

bookmark_borderThe Global Goggle Box

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The internet brings us many things, many of which have been listed before and it should be said that most of the things are joyous and good, although some of them are nasty and bad. I really like the good things, the people, the ability to lose three hours and not realise it, and the way I can sculpt information to how I want it delivered and stored. I really don’t like the bad stuff like spam, viruses and the rampant globalised information.

I guess I should qualify that last one, huh.

Most of you know that the USA and the UK are connected. Physically by miles and miles of cables, geographically by an ocean, and socially by the ever increasing influence of American culture. Whilst I’m not blaming the internet for this shift in culture, not entirely at least, I do think it has to take its share of the blame. Of course it’s not all bad. Yes, there are some good things to come out of the US of A – Starbucks, McDonalds… ohh calm down, I’m kidding – I’m talking about the TV programmes.

There is a lot of good TV made in the UK, but most of the stuff I’ve enjoyed recently is one-off or short-run series, the natural history stuff that only Sir David can do (again, how WONDERFUL is Planet Earth!?), or quirky comedies. However, it seems that the USA is able to reliably produce good quality, long-run series and I’ll happily admit that I’m hooked on Grey’s Anatomy, House and 24. Admittedly my interest in Lost, Desperate Housewives, and The Sopranos has waned, and I never got into Six Feet Under or West Wing but they are, by all accounts, further good examples (and yes, I’m aware that we also receive some real dross from our American cousins. Swings and roundabouts).

For various reasons, none of which I’m au fait with but most of which I’d guess are due to monetary influences, we only receive these TV series after they have aired over in the States. Shouldn’t be a problem, should it?

And it’s not. The problems start when you stumble across a website only to have a plot twist thrust unexpectedly into your view. A plot twist that is months away in the UK schedules and which renders everything that lay before it pointless and misleading. My poor brain just can’t cope:

  • I click onto an American website/blog
  • A part of my brain instantly spots the text “Grey’s Anatomy”
  • Another part of my brain starts reading the surrounding text
  • The fast thinking part of my brain, which has now processed the fact that I’m reading about an upcoming plot twist, starts screaming at the reading part of my brain to STOP READING YOU IDIOT!!
  • The reading part of my brain pauses, glances around as if it’s heard something, then continues reading
  • Yet another part of my brain slowly awakens, stretches, grabs a cup of coffee and ambles over to the reading part of my brain, taps it on the shoulder and says “You shouldn’t be reading that mate”
  • The reading part of my brain stops reading, looks up and says “Ohh OK”
  • By which point the fast thinking part of my brain is a spluttering, gibbering wreck, rolling around my cranii interna

All of this takes place in about 1.4 seconds. I’m powerless to stop it (mainly because I can’t find where that damn coffee machine is plugged in).

Thing is, it’s completely ruining my TV watching and I’m beginning to get a bit pissed off. Yet I can see no solution. I don’t seek these websites out, and I spot these things on entertainment sites, gossip sites, blogs, every and any where.

It’s a bit like the eyes of a portrait following you around the room, except the eyes are a bomb inside a patient, and the room is a helicopter dropping Jack Bauer over a ‘target’ in downtown L.A.

Or something.

We can’t broadcast episodes at the same time because of the time difference, and even then the TV schedule in America lacks the formulaic rigidity of it’s UK counterpart, and that’s not to mention the mid-season breaks that crop up stateside. So what’s the answer?

Why our dear old friend the internet, of course!

Ohh I do love a good paradox, the very thing that is causing the problem offers the solution. Sort of.

For whilst it is possible to download episodes of your favourite TV series mere hours after they have been broadcast in the America, I’m not entirely sure it’s legal. It’s a worry, let me tell you.

Anyway, enough of this, I’m off to watch the next episode of 24… think I’m up to thirteen. It’s the one after the episode where Jack gets run over… ohh sorry…

bookmark_borderMixed message

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Aretha caresses my ear as the headlines leap off the page and stab my eye.

News of a Home Office campaign to warn men that “having sex without consent could lead to a prison sentence” is launched today. I didn’t think that was something new, but it turns out it’s more to do with raising awareness and re-educating minds. A good thing I’m sure you’ll agree.

However, it does make me wonder. Will future liasons be marked with the presentation of a pre-printed card.

Fancy a shag?

   Yes            No

Sign here ____________________

~

Bloggies 2006 results and many congratulations to, as Anna graciously puts it,”Girl, Tokyo Girl and Zoe (“ZoeGirl”?), you are all fabulous, and now even more officially so”.

I’m trying to claim some credit as they are all on my blogroll but I’ll concede that that was probably NOT a swaying decision when the votes were being counted. Those results aside it seems that Post Secret and Boing Boing took every other award. Sad really and seems to prove, as many have suggested, that the competition is becoming a little bit exclusive. Sorry, yer names not down, you ain’t gettin’ in.

And a quick word for the despairing losers. Velocity. (sorry, couldn’t resist, and no it’s not my joke)

~

IF CATEGORY=4, DISPLAY 1 MOST RECENT AND IF CATEGORY=2 OR CATEGORY=3, DISPLAY 1, MOST RECENT
AND
IF CATEGORY=4 USES [THIS CSS]
IF CATEGORY=2 USES [THIS CSS]
IF CATEGORY=3 USES [THIS CSS]

Kept me up until 1 a.m. that did, and it STILL doesn’t bloody work!

~

Back to Aretha singing the classics, yours for only £6.97. It’s worth every penny and much much more. So much class on such a tiny silver disc. Hard to believe sometimes.

And, with my soul being serenaded and the strings of my heart being plucked, I’ll leave; to dally here any longer would ruin everything.

My ears are being caressed and it’s sure to be a good day.

bookmark_borderBooks

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I’m an avid reader of Ian Rankin’s Rebus books but, for some reason, I missed the publication of his latest paperback Fleshmarket Close. So, last week, after a quick check on the interweb I spotted it on Amazon with £3 off. Excellent. Ordered.

It arrived at work today. All good so far.

However, based on the book that arrived, I’d like to suggest to Amazon that they include the dimensions of the book somewhere on the page. Why? Well, let’s delve into the mind of an over-organised, slightly obsessive, bookworm.

You know I mean me, right? OK.

I have my copies of every previous Rebus paperback arranged in order on a shelf in the living room. They are all the same A format paperback size (178mm by 111mm if you really want to know), have the same styling and are all neatly numbered on the back. They look neat and tidy sitting directly underneath a shelf that has quite a few Iain Banks novels, all with the same styled black and white covers (i.e. not his Sci-Fi stuff). Neat and tidy.

So imagine my disgust when, upon opening that clever Amazon packaging, I find a book that is a completely different size to, and has a completely different cover design from, all the other Rebus books I own. My disgust was so palpable that I vented forth with a few choice expletives causing some enquiring glances from my work colleagues, glances which turned rather more quizzical when I explained the orderly way I keep my bookshelves. Never before have I arched so many eyebrows, I think they always suspected I was a bit odd but here, finally, was clarification.

Of course all I need to do is return the abomination of a book to Amazon and order the correctly sized one, once I figure out which one that is of course. Off to the Amazon UK website I went.

I’m going to pause at this juncture as I realise my actions may seem somewhat odd as it’s only the cover of a book, by which it shouldn’t be judged after all, but if you really think that you are missing the point and should stop reading this instant. Honestly, this is about to get a lot worse and it will only leave you more befuddled than before.

OK, from here onwards I’m only talking to my fellow bookworms who understand that there is more to collecting books than reading them. Ohh sure, we all pretend that it’s only the content we enjoy but let’s be honest, you don’t have The Da Vinci Code on your bookshelf in the living room any more, oh no, it’s been relegated upstairs and replaced by Don Quixote, hasn’t it.

Hmmm I feel I may have just exposed the shallowness that pervades my book organising habits. I DO enjoy reading for reading’s sake. I am not a book snob. I did enjoy The Da Vinci Code. But yes, I do keep all my “better” novels downstairs, and all the Dan Brown, James Patterson and Stephen King upstairs.

Anyway, back to the matter in hand.

After spending countless minutes of my life, minutes lost forever never to be returned, I discovered that all the covers of Mr. Rankin’s books have been, to use the vernacular, “updated”. I’m unclear as to whether this is to keep things inline with his website or to tie-in with the TV versions of the stories, but the fact remains that the books now look different. Ohh sure, I can get a copy of Fleshmarket Close without Ken Stott’s mug on the front, but even then they’ve used a different font to display the author’s name on the spine, not to mention the book number now hidden three quarters of the way down the back page.

Fourteen books have passed, the design has not been tampered with, why now? In a pique of incredulousness I ventured out into slushy, snowbound Glasgow, trudged to Waterstones and then onto Borders only to have my suspicions confirmed at both locations.

The old book design is dead.

Like a parrot.

My shelf is ruined.