Found

Reading time: 1 min

One slightly tattered and misused ‘will to live’. It has a distinctly yellow hue, and when prodded with a stick issues forth with a tirade of swearing that would make even the most extreme Tourettes sufferer jealous.

If you would like it returned, I can arrange for it to be sent down an ADSL line, or entrust it to Royal Mail.
Any Takers?