Many things in life are prone to change, many for better, some for worse, but all for a reason. Change has been a big feature in my life for the last 4 or 5 years. Louise and I have moved to our 7th flat together (in about 5 years), with one more move planned after that. I’ve changed jobs 4 times in 3 years (although two were redundancies), and my whole outlook on life has changed dramatically (if you really need to know).
I now crave stability, or at least I think I do. What if it has been the constant flux of life that has kept me going, kept my mind active, my soul alive? I long to settle down, get a house (a back garden!) and start creating a home. I long to get my career started properly, instead of just gaining experience. Most of all I long to create a constant space. A place which isn’t and will not be affected by change.
But – what if?
You cannot, and I refuse to, let ‘what ifs’ rule your life, but they are always there, and it does frighten me. I know I want to travel more, so what if settling down will make me feel trapped? We will start a family within the next year or two, but what if the arrival of another person, another responsibility, makes the binding of home, the lessening of change, even stronger? What if….?
But change is good. I know it is. Changes in me.
Not even a year ago, the ‘what ifs’ would have won. The worry of uncertainty (the certainty of chance), would have prevailed, and manifested itself into hate and depression. But not now. The very thing I once worried over, dwelt on, that dragged me down, is no longer the enemy, it is the saviour, the redemption.
We have no control over the future, no matter how hard we might try. Every choice has its repercussions, and whilst everyone must be considered, the ripple effect is unstoppable. We cannot control it, and we should not try. Change makes life interesting, for good or bad. Without change we wouldn’t live, we would only exist, and I can think of no fate worse.
To be robbed of the life that change brings would surely be the cruelest torture. The monotony of routine, slowly choking. Differences, changes are what intrigues us all, the differences in thought, action and deed. All of these are changes, and all of these provide life, provide experience, provide stimulation. They nurture our minds and souls, and create changes within ourselves.
Many things in life are prone to change, many for better, some for worse, but all for a reason.