- Activity: Running
- Distance: 1.09 km
- Duration: 00:07:59
- Activity Link: http://runkeeper.com/user/gordongetsfit/activity/313498925
Poly Means Many: There are many aspects of polyamory. Each month, the PMM bloggers will write about their views on one of them. Links to all posts can be found at www.polymeansmany.com.
Kirsty and I had talked for a while about what a poly relationship may look like for us; we knew we didn’t have a definite idea in mind but we talked through a lot of ‘what ifs’ to see if there was anything we did or didn’t want, or anything that just didn’t fit with our idea of what a poly relationship constitutes. It’s hard to foresee the future of course, but we had a general idea of what we hoped we would get from embracing polyamory.
We’d tried seeing other people, briefly, before. Kirsty had seen someone else for a few weeks, and I had been on a couple of dates. The timing wasn’t quite right though so we paused things at that point and discussed things a little more before we decided to try again.
At that point, I was lucky enough that the woman I’d dated a couple of times and gotten on well with, Clare, was open to going on another date, and in that funny way that life can sometimes work, at a similar time Kirsty met Mark. Clare and I went on a few more dates, the attraction grew, and it became evident that we were falling for each other. Mark and Kirsty were headed the same way.
The timing of all four of us coming together was down to lady luck, but the fundamental philosophy (for want of a better word) that we all share is what has made what we have today possible.
One thing that is important to us all is that we decided not to have the notion of Primary and Secondary partners. Yes, Kirsty and I have a longer history but for us it was important to acknowledge the fact that we believe that it is possible to love more than one person and so the idea of one partner having more influence or sway over the set of relationships than another seemed wrong.
I’ve mentioned balance before and it’s something we all try and find. It means being honest when you want to see more of someone than you have, or when you need some ‘me’ time. It’s been 8 months now and, for the most part, we’ve got things figured out.
One key part of our dynamic that is more circumstantial than planned, is that we all live alone, so a lot of the time we need to consider who is going to stay where on a given night. It also means it’s easier to have a quite evening to yourself.
Changes will happen
We still have things to learn and experiences to go through. We’ve yet to go away on holidays with each other, nor have we really been in any situations that demand a choice be made of one partner over another (you know, those +1 things that you just know would be easier if you didn’t have to ask for a +3), and for now none of us are looking to date anyone else.
Regardless, we will talk and figure these things out as we move forward. Changes will happen, some may mean hard decisions have to be made but we are all aware of this and will continue to be honest with each other, talk to each other and do our best to make the most of something that is making us all very happy.
New shoes. Wee niggle under left foot but much better. Just the slow, ailing body to sort out now!
- Activity: Running
- Distance: 4.23 km
- Duration: 00:30:00
- Activity Link: http://runkeeper.com/user/gordongetsfit/activity/311640607
My official job title is Product Operations Manager. I’m still not quite sure what that means as the role is still fairly new to me, and to the company.
My main day to day role is to help the team of Product Managers, Product Architects, Business Analysts and UX designers shape and scope out the next product release. We take a feed from Product Strategy which encompasses analyst data, customer commitments, improvements to help our own project staff, new features that we can market and sell, and those which continue to make our product better than many others out there.
I take pride in my job, I don’t like making mistakes, I don’t like things not working, I am always looking for ways to improve things and my biggest frustration continues to be being unable to influence change as quickly as I’d like. But that’s me, my work persona is 1000mph and high level. As I work in software, it’s fair to say that a lot of my time is spent slowing myself down and providing a level of detail to those who need it.
A lot of my job is in the murky world of ‘management’, spreadsheets and powerpoint presentations, conference calls and meetings. Unlike my previous roles, my background is in technical writing, I don’t produce all that much that I can point at and say “I made that”. That doesn’t hugely bother me but that’s largely because I’ve turned to this blog as a means of fulfilling that need.
This blog has always been a bit of a lifeline, a place to ‘escape’ to, where I can write what I want with only my view and my expectations being met. I guess it’s only recently, during a particularly stressful fortnight, that I’ve realised just how much this tiny escape valve is needed.
I find myself looking to improve this blog too, and once again thoughts are turning to building my own custom WordPress theme. I reckon I can manage that over a weekend but who the hell has a weekend to themselves these days?!
Still, every time I visit my own website I see those little niggles. The spacing isn’t quite right there, the format of those posts could be better, and so on and so forth.
Happily Imperfect does not mean I’ve settled for imperfection, just that I’ve accepted that everything is and that I will always push to make things better.